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  1. #301
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    Point is there is a massive difference between "one side" saying their parenting choices are their parenting choices and whatever works for them is all that matters, and "the opposing side" saying she's immature, selfish, shouldn't have more children, has deeper issues that need to be looked at, that her child will possibly have psychological issues as a result of this specific choice and that they have made a bad parenting choice. One side is supportive and recognising what works for one family doesn't work for another and the other is jumping to massive conclusions based on one tiny snippet of information about their life.
    Both sides are jumping to conclusions.


    I have a different opinion to you. Doesn't mean I think my opinion is superior. Not going to change your mind because you think your judgement is technically/morally more superior to mine.

    Maybe we have to agree to disagree?

  2. #302
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    .
    You're correct but like I said I'm a glass half full kind of person. Clearly you're not and that's fine.
    I think you're on to something interesting here.
    Our general outlook (half full/empty) which is shaped by out life experiences, affect how we assess/judge things. Lots of things - from the risk walking down a dark street at night to what we think of 'celebs' who leave their kid with their mil 2/7 nights per week so they can spend time with hubby.

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  4. #303
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I think you're on to something interesting here.
    Our general outlook (half full/empty) which is shaped by out life experiences, affect how we assess/judge things. Lots of things - from the risk walking down a dark street at night to what we think of 'celebs' who leave their kid with their mil 2/7 nights per week so they can spend time with hubby.
    I think we all project our childhoods/mothering experiences/life experiences/past or current relationship etc... on to how we respond to threads, how we ourselves parent, how we judge.

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  6. #304
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Both sides are jumping to conclusions.


    I have a different opinion to you. Doesn't mean I think my opinion is superior. Not going to change your mind because you think your judgement is technically/morally more superior to mine.

    Maybe we have to agree to disagree?
    I often wonder whether you deliberately misinterpret what people are saying just for kicks or whether it's genuine.

    I'm not jumping to conclusions. I don't feel the need to come to a conclusion about someone's unremarkable parenting decision. My stance is simple: unless its immoral or illegal, I don't publicly voice my judgement on parenting decisions. The only person jumping to conclusions about Rachael and her husband now is you.

    I don't think I'm superior to you. It's simply that I don't see why such crap is being heaped on someone for a very reasonable parenting decision.

    I think I've banged on enough and TBH, I feel like I'm either repeating myself or what someone else has already said.

    A PP suggested that we stop focussing on Rachael given there's a whole other thread dedicated to dissecting what she said, and take it back to the general topic that it was supposed to be. Personally, I'm going to take that advice.

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  8. #305
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Both sides are jumping to conclusions.


    I have a different opinion to you. Doesn't mean I think my opinion is superior. Not going to change your mind because you think your judgement is technically/morally more superior to mine.

    Maybe we have to agree to disagree?
    I don't think anyone here has said or even insinuated that their opinion is superior. This is what I saw/read.

    Pretty much everyone on BH had stated it does not work for them/their family. They do not feel comfortable doing it. Me being one of those people.

    We have one side that has said if it works for them and everyone is happy - great! It certainly is not the norm in our society but the child spends all week with mum and dad and a day with their grandmother. Happy for them - whoever the eff they are.

    The other side has questioned the frequency of it (understandable) and questioned how it affects the child (all good points).

    But then the step further came with 'they are neglecting the child' and 'they are selfish' and 'they should not have more children'.

    That last statement especially just steps over the line from concern to just being plain hurtful. It is not up to any of us to choose how many children they *should* have based on their parenting choices. It is none of our business. And even if they are in the public eye - still none of our business.

    FTR she has responded to the backlash to advise that this arrangement works for her family and they are all happy. I would suggest if you want more information you should contact her/her agent requesting what she does with her husband every weekend in order to justify why she is neglecting her parental duties to her child. That way you can make an informed judgement on her family.

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  10. #306
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    I think we all project our childhoods/mothering experiences/life experiences/past or current relationship etc... on to how we respond to threads, how we ourselves parent, how we judge.
    Yes.

    And I think robust conversations about differing views are healthy, as we get to understand how people who have different life experiences, etc view the world. The objective of these conversations (for me!) is to express my views in the hope that it opens people's eyes to a potential new point of view and I enjoy hearing others POVs as it can often open my eyes. I argue with others POV when I still don't get their reasoning and need more info, it's not to try to prove them wrong. This gets me into trouble IRL 😬

  11. #307
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    I don't care what others do in their lives as long as they're not being abusive and they're happy. I have my own life to live.

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    The Rachel finch story actually reminds me of a man DH works with. He is Mongolian and in his culture the children are sent at school age to live with the grandparents to raise then when they are adults the parents step back in, he is even sending his 2 children over to his parents there from Australia and probably won't see them more often then for a week or two every 5 years. Do I agree with it? No but it's their family their decision, do I push my opinions on them to try and change their minds? No. So I do judge but I judge silently and unless someone is being harmed (not just speculating that they could be hurt in the future) I will stay judging silently. That saying "Not my circus not my monkeys" is what I tell myself if I see someone parent different to me that I don't agree with

  14. #309
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    This is a post by the MIL....

    Gee, sounds just awful for that little girl.... 😉😏
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  16. #310
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    Quote Originally Posted by loodle View Post
    The Rachel finch story actually reminds me of a man DH works with. He is Mongolian and in his culture the children are sent at school age to live with the grandparents to raise then when they are adults the parents step back in, he is even sending his 2 children over to his parents there from Australia and probably won't see them more often then for a week or two every 5 years. Do I agree with it? No but it's their family their decision, do I push my opinions on them to try and change their minds? No. So I do judge but I judge silently and unless someone is being harmed (not just speculating that they could be hurt in the future) I will stay judging silently. That saying "Not my circus not my monkeys" is what I tell myself if I see someone parent different to me that I don't agree with
    Going off topic, but I've never heard of this. Do you know why they do it?


 

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