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  1. #261
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Sorry I forgot you have a degree in psychology from the Dr Phil uni 🤓😛
    I will give you a virtual high - 5 for that one

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  3. #262
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Yeah right because finchy is going to walk blindly into a thread clearly titled as being about judging others right now and then be totally hit by surprise to read comments about her own choices.

    Ps I'm shocked to hear you are judging me for judging someone else in a thread about judging
    Given she's made a choice that she thinks is best for her child and the thread title doesn't say anything specifically about her, how is it unlikely? Not that I think celebrities, A B or C grade frequent places like this, but you make it sound like she should know she was going to be slammed for what they've got in place in terms of childcare. I expected her to be because I've been part of a parenting forum for many years and I know how judgey people can get, plus with age comes wisdom (apparently) and I'm older than her and have children older than hers. There's lots I was naive about when I became a parent and the amount of vitriol spewed about such unremarkable topics was one of those things. I'm much wiser now and have BH and "The Comments" on online news articles to thank for that.

    I dunno. I find the shock and tutting about their arrangement both fascinating and puzzling. I don't get it at all. But then I'm a reformed drug taking fiend who drinks with my husband when both our kids are at home with us, who thinks a TV is a perfectly acceptable babysitter and that beans on toast is a dinner of champions. People probably judge the hell outta me, and that's fine and expected. It's the way in which that judgement is voiced that I have issues with.

    No doubt someone is judging me in this thread as well. Just don't tell me to my face

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  5. #263
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    To the original question... We all make judgements. There's a big difference though between 'not for me' and 'those people are selfish/making bad choices/damaging their child". For the latter - and voicing it publicly - I think that ought to be when there's a real risk of serious harm. I just don't see that here.

    I work with children who have been removed from their families. I work with 3 year olds who are abused by their older siblings on a daily basis; children who are so used to having no food in the house that we have to keep food on locked cupboards lest they binge every chance they get; 6 year olds who know more than I do about taking drugs and are used to getting themselves across town to school every morning; kids who know no other way to talk to someone than to belittle them or speak with their fists. THOSE are situations in which children are seriously harmed. That's where it's quite clearly bad parenting - usually for a whole host of complex reasons - rather than just 'not for me'.

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  7. #264
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    Given she's made a choice that she thinks is best for her child and the thread title doesn't say anything specifically about her, how is it unlikely? Not that I think celebrities, A B or C grade frequent places like this, but you make it sound like she should know she was going to be slammed for what they've got in place in terms of childcare.:
    I think you're clutching at straws in terms of saying Finch would have walked into this thread blind.

  8. #265
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    I dunno. I find the shock and tutting about their arrangement both fascinating and puzzling. I don't get it at all. But then I'm a reformed drug taking fiend who drinks with my husband when both our kids are at home with us, who thinks a TV is a perfectly acceptable babysitter and that beans on toast is a dinner of champions. People probably judge the hell outta me, and that's fine and expected. It's the way in which that judgement is voiced that I have issues with.

    No doubt someone is judging me in this thread as well. Just don't tell me to my face
    I don't judge you for that. Unless you said you were still taking drugs around your kid. Then I would judge that - not for the sake of judging but rather with the intent of getting to the bottom of what was really wrong - (not only for you but for the kids as well). Actually I change my mind I do judge assuming you are off drugs now. In the positive - love to see people overcome adversity and work to improve their lives.
    Last edited by VicPark; 15-05-2016 at 16:51.

  9. #266
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I think you're clutching at straws in terms of saying Finch would have walked into this thread blind.
    I did state that I don't think celebs bother with these forums. I think you (and others) are clutching at straws saying their childcare arrangements are going to psychologically or emotionally damage her child.

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I don't judge you for that. Unless you said you were still taking drugs around your kid. Then I would judge that - not for the sake of judging but rather with the intent of getting to the bottom of what was really wrong - (not only for you but for the kids as well). Actually I change my mind I do judge assuming you are off drugs now. In the positive - love to see people overcome adversity and work to improve their lives.
    Note the word "reformed".

    And I take your last sentence as totally condescending. I was never "on" drugs. I took drugs occasionally, through choice, for fun and didn't overcome adversity, I simply grew out of that phase of my life. Same as when I have the odd ciggarette; I do it because I like it, I enjoy it but I know it's not good for me so I partake very rarely. I'm no battler who overcame an addiction, save your applause for someone who needs it.

  10. #267
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    Note the word "reformed".

    And I take your last sentence as totally condescending. I was never "on" drugs. I took drugs occasionally, through choice, for fun and didn't overcome adversity, I simply grew out of that phase of my life. Same as when I have the odd ciggarette; I do it because I like it, I enjoy it but I know it's not good for me so I partake very rarely. I'm no battler who overcame an addiction, save your applause for someone who needs it.
    Apologies - I didn't read your post thoroughly enough.

    I was genuinely trying to be nice and supportive - I am sorry if you are not open to receive such support yet.

    It's obvious you came into this thread with a personal chip on your shoulder so I will leave it at that. Best of luck.

  11. #268
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Apologies - I didn't read your post thoroughly enough.

    I was genuinely trying to be nice and supportive - I am sorry if you are not open to receive such support yet.

    It's obvious you came into this thread with a personal chip on your shoulder so I will leave it at that. Best of luck.
    Eh? Open to what support?

    No chip at all. Just defending a parent who's being slammed for a perfectly reasonable parenting decision. Though I have to say the part where it was said she shouldn't have children got my back up because I think that's a vile thing to say. But no, no chips.

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  13. #269
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Wow, still going!!

    I just read Rachael's response to some of the backlash [text deleted by moderator]

    An interesting point at the end by Durham Uni that states they have done a study on these kind of arrangements, and that it does not harm the child in any way in the long term and only adds to the childs sense of community, family etc.

    And for the haters to back off lol 😂

    So it goes without saying there is nothing wrong being done here and as many of us stated earlier on in this topic, the parents spend a lot more time with their daughter than any of the usual 9-5 arrangements.

    [moderator removed link]
    Last edited by Mod-Nomsie; 15-05-2016 at 19:21.

  14. #270
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by monroe78 View Post
    Wow, still going!!

    I just read Rachael's response to some of the backlash [text deleted by moderator]

    An interesting point at the end by Durham Uni that states they have done a study on these kind of arrangements, and that it does not harm the child in any way in the long term and only adds to the childs sense of community, family etc.

    And for the haters to back off lol 😂

    So it goes without saying there is nothing wrong being done here and as many of us stated earlier on in this topic, the parents spend a lot more time with their daughter than any of the usual 9-5 arrangements.
    You've missed the point many are trying to make. It's not about the total hours spent with the kid, and it's not about kids spending time withy their grandparents.

    "So it goes without saying there is nothing wrong being done here" is a rather ballsy authoritarian statement to make on such an unclear and subjective issue.
    Last edited by Mod-Nomsie; 15-05-2016 at 19:22.


 

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