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  1. #251
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post

    I think this thread has done enough damage to what people think of me, so I really must bow out.
    Nope, I still like your posts we just disagree about this topic. Don't think any less of you. Good on you for having a voice and not being afraid to speak your mind even when it goes against the grain of the majority. If more people were like that it would solve many problems in this world.

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  3. #252
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    I try not to judge until I have as many facts (not hearsay) about the situation as possible. Still, I'm human, I'm not perfect (far from it), and slip up occasionally; but I do my best to not think worse of people who are quicker to judge than I am. If this thread stays open, maybe we could get back to discussing judging in general, and leave the other case for the thread already dedicated to it?

  4. #253
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    The first part of your sentence is gold and you should have left it there.

    The break could be an indicator of her or his mental health issues. It could simply be that they want time to themselves. Who cares? And since when does every couple who decides to have children make sure they're 100% issue free before having them? What issues should preclude a couple from having children? Because that's a damn slippery slope there. We have zero insight into their marriage and into their health. Zero. The negative assumptions on here heavily outweigh the ones that would make this an "acceptable" choice.

    I hope she's spending lovely, quality time with her husband and they have no problems. I'm glad she's modeling a loving, healthy, respectful relationship for her daughter and fostering a close, loving relationship with her grandmother. I'm glad this child has people who care about her deeply enough to ensure she's looked after and that this couple are so in love and want to nurture their relationship in a way that suits them and their family. I'm glad they have such strong family support that enables them to foster a broader family unit than just mum, dad, kid and that the grandmother gets to shower affection and dote on her much loved granddaughter as often as she does.

    Made lots of assumptions there. Sure as shi!t rather read that if I was Rachael than the stuff that suggests I'm a bad parent and my child is growing up with emotional issues because of my parenting choices.
    Ahh. So it's permissable to make assumptions if those assumptions are in favour of the person you identify with. Gotcha.

    For me opinions and support are two different things. I like to analyse the information at hand and try and make an assessment based on what the information leads me to. I don't make assessments based on feelings, just fact. What I then do with that assessment is impacted by feelings. Hope that makes sense.

  5. #254
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I won't go any further into my comments about potential to cause her child to feel neglected as it's clearly not going to come out in a way anyone is going to accept.

    I think this thread has done enough damage to what people think of me, so I really must bow out.
    But I've given you an example of my own childhood where I lived next door to my grandparents until I was around 5. I spent every weekend and pretty much every moment I could with them. I adored it. Sure my parents probably encouraged it too but I freakin loved it.

    I'm not even slightly damaged by that. On the contrary I had an incredibly close relationship with my grandmother until she passed at 95.

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  7. #255
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Ahh. So it's permissable to make assumptions if those assumptions are in favour of the person you identify with. Gotcha.

    For me opinions and support are two different things. I like to analyse the information at hand and try and make an assessment based on what the information leads me to. I don't make assessments based on feelings, just fact. What I then do with that assessment is impacted by feelings. Hope that makes sense.
    But you don't have any facts other than knowing the child spends two nights a week with her grandmother. Your opinions on this *are* based on feelings. You feel her decision is selfish and that she is immature based on zero facts other than the one I stated. It's based on your beliefs, values and feelings. That's what judgements are and its why in many cases, they're better kept to oneself. Because not having all the facts can often lead to making a judgement that is totally off the mark, totally inaccurate and just downright hurtful.

    FTR, I actually do hope all the things I said about her in the post you quoted, and I am as judgey as they come. Get me and my best mate together with a few wines and let the judgements flow. I just don't see the negative issues in this particular instance. I'd be far more inclined to raise an eyebrow if she said she fed her child KFC and Maccas two nights a week. Would I go into detail, calling her a bad parent for it though? Crikey, no. But yeah, I'd judge.

    In response to the thread, it's always ok to judge. When we have to start moderating what we think in our minds, what our own personal thoughts are, then jeepers, never mind protecting freedom of speech, lets worry more about freedom of thought. It's when those judgements are voiced and the way in which they're voiced. Would I judge you if I overheard you saying this stuff about Rachael to a friend at the pub? No. Am I judging you for doing it on a public forum? Yeah. Is the judgement terrible? It's not positive but I've thought worse things about people ;-)

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  9. #256
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    But I've given you an example of my own childhood where I lived next door to my grandparents until I was around 5. I spent every weekend and pretty much every moment I could with them. I adored it. Sure my parents probably encouraged it too but I freakin loved it.

    I'm not even slightly damaged by that. On the contrary I had an incredibly close relationship with my grandmother until she passed at 95.
    Sounds like you a wonderful time
    A-squared is not saying kids spending time with grandparents will harm the kid. If your parents had made the decision for you to stay with your grandparents for different reasons (they weren't kid people etc) or under different circumstances then it could have been a different experience.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Sounds like you a wonderful time
    A-squared is not saying kids spending time with grandparents will harm the kid. If your parents had made the decision for you to stay with your grandparents for different reasons (they weren't kid people etc) or under different circumstances then it could have been a different experience.
    It could have started that way and my sister and I happened to love it. How do you know the finches daughter doesn't love it? If the child is happy and the grandparents love it who cares what the motivation is?

    It's never even dawned on me to ask my parents why it happened that way. It was just how it was.

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  12. #258
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    It could have started that way and my sister and I happened to love it. How do you know the finches daughter doesn't love it? If the child is happy and the grandparents love it who cares what the motivation is?

    It's never even dawned on me to ask my parents why it happened that way. It was just how it was.
    The kid could absolutely love it. Just a few things in the story, from the parents perspective tweaked my radar and led me to err on the side of 'poor kid' rather than 'awesome opportunity.'

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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    Would I judge you if I overheard you saying this stuff about Rachael to a friend at the pub? No. Am I judging you for doing it on a public forum? Yeah. Is the judgement terrible? It's not positive but I've thought worse things about people ;-)
    Yeah right because finchy is going to walk blindly into a thread clearly titled as being about judging others right now and then be totally hit by surprise to read comments about her own choices.

    Ps I'm shocked to hear you are judging me for judging someone else in a thread about judging
    Last edited by VicPark; 15-05-2016 at 15:56.

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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    The kid could absolutely love it. Just a few things in the story, from the parents perspective tweaked my radar and led me to err on the side of 'poor kid' rather than 'awesome opportunity.'
    Sorry I forgot you have a degree in psychology from the Dr Phil uni 🤓😛

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