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  1. #241
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    Sorry meant to quote.

    I saw posts that said she should not be a parent. When I read one post (not sure which thread) seemed that we should all somehow qualify to be a parent. Which is not fair.

    Yes, we can judge. Sometimes people make different choices to us. It does not make it wrong or bad. To then say that theor chold will have emotional issues from the choice is going too far.
    I don't know the specifics of the finches case however depending on the reasons for the 2-night break and depending on what is done on the said 2 night break... The break *could* be an indicator of deeper issues that may very well mean the finches perhaps shouldn't have additional children until they sort it all out. And depending on the specifics the kid could have emotional issues down the track - that's not too far out of the realm of possibility.

    Of course all judgements (both sides of the fence) are hypothetical at this point.

  2. #242
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    Quote Originally Posted by Californication View Post
    Wow, this thread sure had turned!

    Like I said in my first post, I don't agree with it for MY life. But we need to remember that Finch and her husband are not normal people. They are B (C?) grade celebs. That means being seen at places. I would guess they don't stay home all weekend rolling around in bed screaming "YAY! YAY! the kid is gone" they are probably out at movie premiers, parties etc trying to keep their 5 minute of fame going. It's not a normal life. I do feel for the Grandma though. I read she's 85. 2 days with an energetic 2yo every week must wear her out!

    .
    It's apparently her MIL who has the toddler, she said her daughter also has a great relationship with her grandmother ( so the kids great grandmother) who is 85 and often takes her for a walk or to the park , she's not the one minding her over night

  3. #243
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Could!!!! Have emotional issues!

    Why do some people have bad relationships with their parents? If you surveyed those people, I'm sure *some* of them will say they felt neglected by their parents. I just think this *could* happen.
    I have emotional issues. I'm seeing a psychologist (again) I've had 3 small breakdowns that have landed me in hospital with a police escort in the last 2 years and I'm on anti depressants. My mum was a SAHM, my dad was home every night and on weekends and I grew up rarely spending the night away from my parents. I don't get how such a long bow between their parenting decision and their child's possibility of emotional scarring has been drawn. I really don't see it. I'm kinda confused how it's any different to the parents who work 9-5 through choice, 5 days a week and put their kid in daycare then really only spend weekends with them. If this child was spending 2 nights mid week because both parents worked nights, would that make it different? Who really cares what they do on those 2 nights?

    I have my youngest (3yo) in daycare 3 days a week because I'm a FT student. Monday I go to uni. Tuesday and Friday I study. And by study I mean watch Netflix, go shopping and chill out. I study at night, I never do the bed bath routine and I study on weekends. I'm tipping Rachael spends more one on one time with her kid than I do. Selfish me! Immature me! Best I don't have any more kids. I mean, really? Come on. We all do what works for us and not one single parent does the exact perfect thing.

    No one seems all that concerned that my kids are going to grow up with emotional issues despite our arrangements. Well, no one who knows them, not their GP, not my psychologist, not the psychiatrist I've seen, not my GP, not my friends, not my parents, grandmother, in laws.... I really don't get why that's high in the list of possible outcome for her child.

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  5. #244
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    What if you were making bad choices that affected your child perhaps it could be the wake up call you needed?

    I know there is a trend on BH to defend mums at all cost but by lord there are some **** mums out there! And there are awesome mums that make **** decisions that affect their kids. I don't believe shielding those mums from feedback on the a ****ness of their choices is helping them.

    Either way if you opened up a thread titled "judging Moxy's dumb parenting decision" then ... Well surely you wouldn't open that thread unless you were prepared for open and honest feedback.
    Actually, I would. Because I'm insecure and a bit screwed up in the head and reading that would reinforce what I already consider I know to be true about myself. Even if it was from complete strangers who don't know the first thing about my life.

    Your use of words "bad choice" in regards to her parenting is interesting. Who says it's bad? You? Why does what you think trump what people who support her think?

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  7. #245
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    I won't go any further into my comments about potential to cause her child to feel neglected as it's clearly not going to come out in a way anyone is going to accept.

    I think this thread has done enough damage to what people think of me, so I really must bow out.

  8. #246
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    Thank you.

    I have stayed out of both threads. (I read along) as I could not be polite enough.

    Re: judging - we all judge and that is ok. What is not ok is then picking apart everything and basically saying someone is a terrible person for doing xxxx.
    I wish I had stayed out. I went so far as to delete the app because I've been trying so hard not to respond. But I got sucked in. I've got so much study to do 😭😭😭😭

  9. #247
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I don't know the specifics of the finches case however depending on the reasons for the 2-night break and depending on what is done on the said 2 night break... The break *could* be an indicator of deeper issues that may very well mean the finches perhaps shouldn't have additional children until they sort it all out. And depending on the specifics the kid could have emotional issues down the track - that's not too far out of the realm of possibility.

    Of course all judgements (both sides of the fence) are hypothetical at this point.
    Firstly the kids 2, so how do we know how long this arrangement will last? I seriously seriously doubt the kid will have emotional issues stemming from being minded by its grandmother 2 days a week? As I said DS used to go to my mums every Saturday night but it's easy at 2 as they don't really have any commitments yet, we now have school and Sunday sport so it's rare now but by DS spending all that time with his nana and poppy they all have this amazing relationship , which I'm sure her daughter will have , if anything I think she will have more positive emotions than negative ones about it

    I suppose it may be hard for some people understand if you don't have the same memories of grandparents as I do but it's not a chore or burden it's fun , I say to DS your off to nans tonight and he breaks into a happy dance

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  11. #248
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I won't go any further into my comments about potential to cause her child to feel neglected as it's clearly not going to come out in a way anyone is going to accept.

    I think this thread has done enough damage to what people think of me, so I really must bow out.
    Just out of character from other stuff I've seen you post. No damage as far as I'm concerned. We disagree on a lot of stuff but I've always respected you.

    Everyone's child has the possibility of feeling neglected. Our children's psychological development to a great extent is out if our hands no matter how hard we try.

  12. #249
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I don't know the specifics of the finches case however depending on the reasons for the 2-night break and depending on what is done on the said 2 night break... The break *could* be an indicator of deeper issues that may very well mean the finches perhaps shouldn't have additional children until they sort it all out. And depending on the specifics the kid could have emotional issues down the track - that's not too far out of the realm of possibility.

    Of course all judgements (both sides of the fence) are hypothetical at this point.
    The first part of your sentence is gold and you should have left it there.

    The break could be an indicator of her or his mental health issues. It could simply be that they want time to themselves. Who cares? And since when does every couple who decides to have children make sure they're 100% issue free before having them? What issues should preclude a couple from having children? Because that's a damn slippery slope there. We have zero insight into their marriage and into their health. Zero. The negative assumptions on here heavily outweigh the ones that would make this an "acceptable" choice.

    I hope she's spending lovely, quality time with her husband and they have no problems. I'm glad she's modeling a loving, healthy, respectful relationship for her daughter and fostering a close, loving relationship with her grandmother. I'm glad this child has people who care about her deeply enough to ensure she's looked after and that this couple are so in love and want to nurture their relationship in a way that suits them and their family. I'm glad they have such strong family support that enables them to foster a broader family unit than just mum, dad, kid and that the grandmother gets to shower affection and dote on her much loved granddaughter as often as she does.

    Made lots of assumptions there. Sure as shi!t rather read that if I was Rachael than the stuff that suggests I'm a bad parent and my child is growing up with emotional issues because of my parenting choices.

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  14. #250
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    Firstly the kids 2, so how do we know how long this arrangement will last? I seriously seriously doubt the kid will have emotional issues stemming from being minded by its grandmother 2 days a week? As I said DS used to go to my mums every Saturday night but it's easy at 2 as they don't really have any commitments yet, we now have school and Sunday sport so it's rare now but by DS spending all that time with his nana and poppy they all have this amazing relationship , which I'm sure her daughter will have , if anything I think she will have more positive emotions than negative ones about it

    I suppose it may be hard for some people understand if you don't have the same memories of grandparents as I do but it's not a chore or burden it's fun , I say to DS your off to nans tonight and he breaks into a happy dance
    I think my point wasn't clear - let me clarify.

    I'm not necessarily saying a kid spending 2 nights per week with grandparents will harm them. Not at all. I'm saying that the parents reasons for choosing to have their kid looked after 2 nights per week *could* potentially be one that *could* lead to harming the kid.
    - if the parents wanted 2 nights off per week because they were young and felt they hadn't experienced life before having kids - that's an issue that *could* come back to bite the family unit.
    - if a mother was obsessed with satisfying her domineering spouse through plenty of alone time, then yes that could come to
    Bite everyone.
    - if the mother couldn't stand to be around her kid that much (for whatever reason) then unless the core issues are addressed that could lead to long term harm for the kid.

    For me it's the reasons behind he break that *could* present an issue down the track (not Nanna!).


 

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