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  1. #231
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I'm sure if she didn't want to go they wouldn't force her. Strong relationships with grandparents are developed because the kids want then, not because the parents force them.

    Certainly in my case growing up when my grandparents were out or away we didn't go over. It was very consensual for all parties. I remained very close to my grandmother until she died. I would spend at least one uni holiday break with her every year.
    You sound very lucky. I wish I had that

  2. #232
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    How lovely for Rachael that there's not only one but *two* threads dedicated to lynching her (not her husband mind you, he's mostly escaped the holier than thou comments), with this one being under a thinly veiled disguise of being a more general topic.

    I remember when there was a thread about Gabi Grecko and her faked pregnancy and miscarriage and the uproar that people were judging her. Lots of hubbers were suggesting that she may indeed be on this forum and how awful it would be if she saw the thread (despite the fact she wasn't pregnant, didn't have children and in all likelihood wasn't TTC with the hideous old creep she once called her husband). Yet here we have a far less media attention seeking *mother* who happens to have a reasonably high profile as a model and TV presenter, being absolutely caned for a parenting choice that is not abusive, is not detrimental to her family and simply engages a form of childcare that many people use. That many people have said they don't even know who she is only highlights further that she is nothing like the vacuous Gabi Grecko, that she mostly keeps herself to herself and was simply answering a question in an interview. It amazes me that not one person has mentioned that this *mother* is probably more likely to be on a parenting forum than someone like GG and that this thread may well have come to her attention. To read a comment that she shouldn't have any more children is probably one of the most vile things I've come across on this forum. Plenty of people shouldn't have children. P.edos, hard core drug abusers and those who traffic children come to mind. Not a mother who has a career we don't understand, who uses a form of childcare that is slightly left of normal in this country, whose child appears to be well looked after and loved.

    Some of you need to get off your high horses, take a long hard look at what you're saying and think about the impact that could have. Charlotte Dawson's death due to keyboard warriors was also raised in the GG thread. Maybe it's more salient to raise it here.

    I'm all for judging. I agree everyone is entitled to an opinion. But being entitled to one doesn't mean you shouldn't keep it to yourself sometimes. It's called thinking before you speak (or type) and is a fairly strong indicator of a person's integrity IMO. There's judging then there's flat out bi***ing and that's where this thread has ended up.
    Last edited by Moxy; 15-05-2016 at 14:13.

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  4. #233
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Okay, I must be a b*tch with no integrity then! 🙄

    Oh and what Charlotte Dawson was subjected to was more than people writing their opinions on her choices, it went far deeper and got far more personal than anything said in this thread.

    In fairness to me too I did want this to be about judging, it just became too easy to use the original thread as examples of judging. To be honest I lost track of which thread was which

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  6. #234
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Okay, I must be a b*tch with no integrity then! 🙄

    Oh and what Charlotte Dawson was subjected to was more than people writing their opinions on her choices, it went far deeper and got far more personal than anything said in this thread.

    In fairness to me too I did want this to be about judging, it just became too easy to use the original thread as examples of judging. To be honest I lost track of which thread was witch
    Bi**hing and being a bit**h aren't the same thing but sure, twist my words to make it sound like I called you one if you want. And to be honest, as someone who identifies quite strongly with being a Christian, I was genuinely surprised that you were part of the lynch mob. Not that people who are religious are perfect but my understanding is that acceptance, tolerance and understanding are kinda high on the list of traits.

    Strange how the Dawson analogy was ok being used in the GG thread but it's not here.

    If I saw that someone had written on a public forum that I was a selfish, immature mother making bad parenting choices and that I shouldn't have anymore children, I'd be devastated. The amount of time spent with a child does not equal how much a parent loves them nor is it an indicator of whether or not they are a "good" or "bad" parent. There's no correlation. The SAHM vs working mum debates make that crystal clear.

    I'm not perfect either but if there's one thing I'm good at it's holding my tongue when I disagree with a parenting choice when it's not illegal or immoral, because I am not a perfect parent and I don't know a single person who is.

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  8. #235
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    Some of you need to get off your high horses, take a long hard look at what you're saying and think about the impact that could have. Charlotte Dawson's death due to keyboard warriors was also raised in the GG thread. Maybe it's more salient to raise it here.
    .
    I get your point. However I feel there's a difference between:
    1) stating an opinion on the actions of someone (who announced their actions to the media) on a reasonably secluded forum thread (that is clearly labelled with the topic so a person could chose to avoid reading if they didn't want to) and
    2) posting personally attacking comments on someone's personal social media page, or saying the comment in person.

    Adults need to be able to have discussions about differences especially when there are perceived child welfare issues involved. It is a dangerous thing to say parents should never be judged (not saying you've said that).

    You've made some good points though that are worth keeping in mind.

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  10. #236
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    How lovely for Rachael that there's not only one but *two* threads dedicated to lynching her (not her husband mind you, he's mostly escaped the holier than thou comments), with this one being under a thinly veiled disguise of being a more general topic.

    I remember when there was a thread about Gabi Grecko and her faked pregnancy and miscarriage and the uproar that people were judging her. Lots of hubbers were suggesting that she may indeed be on this forum and how awful it would be if she saw the thread (despite the fact she wasn't pregnant, didn't have children and in all likelihood wasn't TTC with the hideous old creep she once called her husband). Yet here we have a far less media attention seeking *mother* who happens to have a reasonably high profile as a model and TV presenter, being absolutely caned for a parenting choice that is not abusive, is not detrimental to her family and simply engages a form of childcare that many people use. That many people have said they don't even know who she is only highlights further that she is nothing like the vacuous Gabi Grecko, that she mostly keeps herself to herself and was simply answering a question in an interview. It amazes me that not one person has mentioned that this *mother* is probably more likely to be on a parenting forum than someone like GG and that this thread may well have come to her attention. To read a comment that she shouldn't have any more children is probably one of the most vile things I've come across on this forum. Plenty of people shouldn't have children. P.edos, hard core drug abusers and those who traffic children come to mind. Not a mother who has a career we don't understand, who uses a form of childcare that is slightly left of normal in this country, whose child appears to be well looked after and loved.

    Some of you need to get off your high horses, take a long hard look at what you're saying and think about the impact that could have. Charlotte Dawson's death due to keyboard warriors was also raised in the GG thread. Maybe it's more salient to raise it here.

    I'm all for judging. I agree everyone is entitled to an opinion. But being entitled to one doesn't mean you shouldn't keep it to yourself sometimes. It's called thinking before you speak (or type) and is a fairly strong indicator of a person's integrity IMO. There's judging then there's flat out bi***ing and that's where this thread has ended up.
    Thank you.

    I have stayed out of both threads. (I read along) as I could not be polite enough.

    Re: judging - we all judge and that is ok. What is not ok is then picking apart everything and basically saying someone is a terrible person for doing xxxx.

  11. #237
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Okay, I must be a b*tch with no integrity then! 🙄

    Oh and what Charlotte Dawson was subjected to was more than people writing their opinions on her choices, it went far deeper and got far more personal than anything said in this thread.

    In fairness to me too I did want this to be about judging, it just became too easy to use the original thread as examples of judging. To be honest I lost track of which thread was which
    Sorry meant to quote.

    I saw posts that said she should not be a parent. When I read one post (not sure which thread) seemed that we should all somehow qualify to be a parent. Which is not fair.

    Yes, we can judge. Sometimes people make different choices to us. It does not make it wrong or bad. To then say that theor chold will have emotional issues from the choice is going too far.

  12. #238
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    If I saw that someone had written on a public forum that I was a selfish, immature mother making bad parenting choices and that I shouldn't have anymore children, I'd be devastated.
    What if you were making bad choices that affected your child perhaps it could be the wake up call you needed?

    I know there is a trend on BH to defend mums at all cost but by lord there are some **** mums out there! And there are awesome mums that make **** decisions that affect their kids. I don't believe shielding those mums from feedback on the a ****ness of their choices is helping them.

    Either way if you opened up a thread titled "judging Moxy's dumb parenting decision" then ... Well surely you wouldn't open that thread unless you were prepared for open and honest feedback.

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  14. #239
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    Bi**hing and being a bit**h aren't the same thing but sure, twist my words to make it sound like I called you one if you want. And to be honest, as someone who identifies quite strongly with being a Christian, I was genuinely surprised that you were part of the lynch mob. Not that people who are religious are perfect but my understanding is that acceptance, tolerance and understanding are kinda high on the list of traits.

    Strange how the Dawson analogy was ok being used in the GG thread but it's not here.

    If I saw that someone had written on a public forum that I was a selfish, immature mother making bad parenting choices and that I shouldn't have anymore children, I'd be devastated. The amount of time spent with a child does not equal how much a parent loves them nor is it an indicator of whether or not they are a "good" or "bad" parent. There's no correlation. The SAHM vs working mum debates make that crystal clear.

    I'm not perfect either but if there's one thing I'm good at it's holding my tongue when I disagree with a parenting choice when it's not illegal or immoral, because I am not a perfect parent and I don't know a single person who is.
    Sorry I just have my back up for
    the other negative comments I've been getting.

    I wasn't part of the GG thread as I didn't have an opinion really on that.

    And anyone who knows me on here knows I'm not generally judgemental. There's just something about this that has made me feel a bit ick.

    Also I don't think she's a bad parent or person or intentionally doing anything bad, I just think it's selfish.

    For the record of it were a friend who did this, I would still be friends with them, I wouldn't voice my opinion about it being selfish and I wouldn't think any less of them as people or parents, I simply have an opinion on the action.

    I mean my husband can sometimes be a very selfish so and so but I don't think that makes him a bad person or parent, I just think some things he does is selfish.

    I think it's important to always separate someone from their actions. You know similar to how we tell our kids, they aren't a naughty boy or girl, but they sometimes do naughty things. But at the end of the day we don't think less of them as humans and we certainly don't love them any less.

    I've said her actions are selfish.
    Last edited by A-Squared; 15-05-2016 at 14:39.

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  16. #240
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    Sorry meant to quote.

    I saw posts that said she should not be a parent. When I read one post (not sure which thread) seemed that we should all somehow qualify to be a parent. Which is not fair.

    Yes, we can judge. Sometimes people make different choices to us. It does not make it wrong or bad. To then say that theor chold will have emotional issues from the choice is going too far.
    Could!!!! Have emotional issues!

    Why do some people have bad relationships with their parents? If you surveyed those people, I'm sure *some* of them will say they felt neglected by their parents. I just think this *could* happen.

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