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  1. #221
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    What in particular? The setting her up for potential emotional issues? The selfish part? I can't think of anything else that was too harsh.
    Yes that, and the overall tone of 'my way is better' that reads in your posts. 'I see my children everyday' 'My DD goes to her grandparents so I can have one on one time with my DS' 'my kids are in daycare so I can work' and the comments about how bad you'd feel if you grew up knowing your parents sent you to grandma's every week, the bias comparisons of the breakdown in hours, and from memory you even called her an idiot at one point...the whole lot just came off as having a 'my way is better' attitude rather than an 'each to their own.' Well, that's how it reads to me anyway. If that wasn't your intention then that's fine...but I don't think it's okay to be so negative about someone's choice (when it is doing no harm), and then just add 'each to their own' at the end. It doesn't really cancel out all the other stuff.
    Last edited by Full House; 15-05-2016 at 12:54.

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  3. #222
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    Quote Originally Posted by amiracle4me View Post
    This is an interesting viewpoint. I never had grandparents and feel that due to that I have no idea how to appreciate the idea of them for my DD ( or include them in her life properly )..

    I guess for me tho the idea of 'every Friday/Saturday' is a bit too rigid.. What if the little girl doesn't want to go one day? Would her parents still send her?

    I think so much here is unknown.,
    How good is the relationship with the little girl and her grandparents is one we don't know and only assume..
    I'm sure if she didn't want to go they wouldn't force her. Strong relationships with grandparents are developed because the kids want then, not because the parents force them.

    Certainly in my case growing up when my grandparents were out or away we didn't go over. It was very consensual for all parties. I remained very close to my grandmother until she died. I would spend at least one uni holiday break with her every year.

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  5. #223
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I wouldn't consider either of those gloating. I would consider them having a joke/honoring cultural traditions. Gloating to me is saying "I'm freakin awesome blah blah blah" , which is then sometimes followed with a dig at the alternative way of doing things which compounds the gloating as affect.

    Eg "I am so happy! I'm a freakin awesome wife as hubby and I have sex 40 times per week... I don't get how some couples don't have at least 5 shags per week. I'm not judging though if that's how they want to live their life - fine."

    To me that's gloating. Your family celebrations sound intriguing and pretty cool.
    With your definition I wouldn't say Rachael was gloating...she was interviewed about being a parent before Mother's Day. She answered questions about and stated why she felt couple time was important. I didn't see any bit where she gloated.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    With your definition I wouldn't say Rachael was gloating...she was interviewed about being a parent before Mother's Day. She answered questions about and stated why she felt couple time was important. I didn't see any bit where she gloated.
    I agree. Was probably only 5% gloating. The rest of my judgement comes from perceived immaturity and selfishness of her decision.

  7. #225
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    Yes that, and the overall tone of 'my way is better' that reads in your posts. 'I see my children everyday' 'My DD goes to her grandparents so I can have one on one time with my DS' 'my kids are in daycare so I can work' and the comments about how bad you'd feel if you grew up knowing your parents sent you to grandma's every week, the bias comparisons of the breakdown in hours, and from memory you even called her an idiot at one point...the whole lot just came off as having a 'my way is better' attitude rather than an 'each to their own.' Well, that's how it reads to me anyway. If that wasn't your intention then that's fine...but I don't think it's okay to be so negative about someone's choice (when it is doing no harm), and then just add 'each to their own' at the end. It doesn't really cancel out all the other stuff.
    I don't think someone should apologise for sounding superior when compared with someone who gives up 2/7 nights with their kid so they can relax with hubby. It's not hard to make finches choice sound inferior when it is such a shocking one.

    I don't see you calling out your pro finch friends who made judgmental comments about working mums very early on in the thread..

    . I think some progress is being made in terms of the broader concepts behind judging. Of course when people throw personalised comments in things can go off track a bit. Anyhoo this is a thread about judging. If someone can't stand the heat maybe time to get out of the kitchen.
    Last edited by VicPark; 15-05-2016 at 13:16.

  8. #226
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    Yes that, and the overall tone of 'my way is better' that reads in your posts. 'I see my children everyday' 'My DD goes to her grandparents so I can have one on one time with my DS' 'my kids are in daycare so I can work' and the comments about how bad you'd feel if you grew up knowing your parents sent you to grandma's every week, the bias comparisons of the breakdown in hours, and from memory you even called her an idiot at one point...the whole lot just came off as having a 'my way is better' attitude rather than an 'each to their own.' Well, that's how it reads to me anyway. If that wasn't your intention then that's fine...but I don't think it's okay to be so negative about someone's choice (when it is doing no harm), and then just add 'each to their own' at the end. It doesn't really cancel out all the other stuff.
    Not at all my Intention. I was simply defending my opinion that was attacked and criticised quite specifically. I only did that as I was being personally attacked for my opinion and was specifically questioned on things. I was trying to justify my point, the reason for my opinion, but really I shouldn't have to. I should just say I think what she is doing it too much and is selfish and left it at that. And I think I should be entitled to that opinion.

    I wasn't apparently and had to justify the intimate ins and outs of why I felt the way I did.

  9. #227
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Not at all my Intention. I was simply defending my opinion that was attacked and criticised quite specifically. I only did that as I was being personally attacked for my opinion and was specifically questioned on things. I was trying to justify my point, the reason for my opinion, but really I shouldn't have to. I should just say I think what she is doing it too much and is selfish and left it at that. And I think I should be entitled to that opinion.

    I wasn't apparently and had to justify the intimate ins and outs of why I felt the way I did.
    Fair enough. I guess maybe you were targeted due to how your posts read to others. I have posts interpreted in ways I didn't intend all the time, so I get it

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  11. #228
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    Wow, this thread sure had turned!

    Like I said in my first post, I don't agree with it for MY life. But we need to remember that Finch and her husband are not normal people. They are B (C?) grade celebs. That means being seen at places. I would guess they don't stay home all weekend rolling around in bed screaming "YAY! YAY! the kid is gone" they are probably out at movie premiers, parties etc trying to keep their 5 minute of fame going. It's not a normal life. I do feel for the Grandma though. I read she's 85. 2 days with an energetic 2yo every week must wear her out!

    I'm another that spent a lot of time with my grandparents. Not every weekend (we lived 2.5 hours away) and not alone so much when I was little (that I remember anyway) but once I hit about 10, I asked to spend a week of my school holidays with them at the end of term. I loved it. We would do all sorts of fun things and I cherish those memories now that they are both gone.

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  13. #229
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I don't think someone should apologise for sounding superior when compared with someone who gives up 2/7 nights with their kid so they can relax with hubby. It's not hard to make finches choice sound inferior when it is such a shocking one.

    I don't see you calling out your pro finch friends who made judgmental comments about working mums very early on in the thread..

    . I think some progress is being made in terms of the broader concepts behind judging. Of course when people throw personalised comments in things can go off track a bit. Anyhoo this is a thread about judging. If someone can't stand the heat maybe time to get out of the kitchen.
    And just when I thought you were starting to take an opinion other than yours on board. Soooo close 😉

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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    And just when I thought you were starting to take an opinion other than yours on board. Soooo close 😉
    I've taken others opinions in - however after analyzing all the information I admit I haven't hanged my overall opinion of the Finchs. And I won't apologise for that or be pressured or nit-picked into changing my opinion - which is what I feel is happening to A-squared. Its funny how pro-finchers are allowed to keep their same opinion and don't have to change ...... And that pro-finchy judgey posts aren't subject to the same amount of scrutiny!

    Goes back to my theory on judging - everyone judges, it's just that they usually only judge those they disagree with and/or that aren't considered one of their own. Not saying it's happening in this thread however that's how cliques form.
    Last edited by VicPark; 15-05-2016 at 13:55.

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