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  1. #191
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    You asked me to answer numerous points - I did so as plainly as possible plus tried to explain my position of being understanding of her situation

    Then that's your reply? You not responding to my questions?

    It feels like everyone has to justify why it's perfectly acceptable for Rachel's family to function that way ... to you.

    I find that bizarre.
    Why is that bizarre? You're always expecting sleep trainers to explain why it's perfectly acceptable to sleep train??? You have digs all the time, harp on that your way is the best way..... People should just not make changes and let their kids just work it out for themselves Yadda Yadda yadda

    Sorry to bring in sleep, but come on! Stop being a hypocrite please. You judge too and very openly on BH, you're saying that's ok but we can't judge a person in the media for their parenting!?

    This thread has run its course in my mind.

    We all have to just agree to disagree. Everyone just keep going about being perfect non-judgemental people and I'll go about making judgements as I see fit, just like a regular, everyday person who has flaws, I'm happy to admit I have flaws and if my flaw is judging an idiot out in the media, do be it....

    I'm out.

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  3. #192
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Yes if she had PND, different ball game and yes it wouldn't bother me at all.

    I'm not jealous, we all just have different things we see as selfish. Eg. My DH plays gold every Sunday. Some people (my parents and some friends) think it's selfish. I generally don't. We all see things differently and judge differently and that's all that is happening here.

    I just keep harping on about it because there were heaps of people on BH who all agreed it was too much and perhaps selfish, but I'm the only one still here saying the same things as I was quoted and had my parenting history brought up so I replied and the circle continues. I'm more than happy to stop commenting if I'm sounding like I'm jealous or a heinous judgemental person. Because I'm not either.

    I think it's ok to judge, it's human nature, it's just a very individual process that makes the world judge differently and if you're in the public eye and you say something out in the open you open yourself up to people offering their views.

    This is true for BH too. If a person doesn't agree with something - like sleep training, formula feeding, religion/god they're alway happy to chime in with their judgements (sleep training parents treat their kids like dogs - formula feeding should always be the last option and ff'ers don't try hard enough to BF - believe in God you're lying to your kids and telling fairytales).

    We all do it. In BH if we are talking about an actual hubber, if I have an opinion on their actions I judge to be not something I agree with I tend to stay silent and in fact spend a lot of time in BH defending those in the minority who do things others on here find to be unacceptable.

    A person in the media says something I don't agree with I will openly judge. After all don't put your life out there in the media if you want a quiet life and people to keep their opinions to themselves. She didn't need to do the interview, she didn't need to say it.

    But I also have in the back of my mind it's a publicity stunt - I mean how many hubbers hadn't even heard of her before!? We all know her now! 🤔
    Genuinely curious...how do you justify in your head that it's not selfish for your husband to have a whole day to himself every weekend after working all week, but it's not okay for someone else? I just don't get the logic if I'm honest. Also, when your kids are older and Saturdays are filled with running kids to and from sports, will your DH continue to play golf every Sunday? Or will he give up in order to have a family day. Or will family day still be Sat, and your kids won't be allowed to play weekend sports? You have raised questions about how this will work when Rachael's child is older and have a lot of negative judgement surrounding it. I really don't see the difference in your situation, except that your kids are with you, and you are not getting a decent break from your kids. In my mind, your DH is more selfish than Rachael, as he chooses to leave his wife with kids all week and every Sunday when he knows you struggle, and your relationship also needs nurturing. It's not my business how your family dynamics work but I'm mentioning it purely because I want to understand how you draw that line that your family dynamics are fine and your husband isn't selfish, but Rachael is? FWIW, a good friend of mine ended up divorcing her husband because he refused to give up his Sunday all day sport and she couldn't get past his selfishness and lack of desire to spend that time with their kids after he had worked all week. In the end it led to the breakdown of their marriage. What works for some doesn't work for others. There is no one right way.

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  5. #193
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Marigold~ View Post
    I had my son when I was 17 and didn't set foot into a bar or pub until I was well into my 20's. But I never wanted to when my child was a baby.
    That's what I struggle to understand with the Finches.
    I was the same, didn't want any time away from my child in those early years.
    I've no doubt their child is loved and really well cared for, I spent a lot of time with my granny growing up (she was a VERY young granny though. 40) and I LOVED it.
    I just can't understand why anyone would need two consecutive nights off from being a parent of one, that is family bonding time. We all love being together as a family here so I don't think I'll ever understand their reasons to not want to lap up as much time as a threesome as possible, but each to their own.
    I'm sure it won't last for long, that couple time is bound to result in a new baby, then it's bye bye freedom.

  6. #194
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    Of course she is gloating. She found a perfect balance for her family.

    I'd gloat too, take out an advertisement and tell everyone too if and when I find that perfect balance.

    She is happy. Let's celebrate that.
    Gloating is not that socially acceptable in Australia. People mainly find gloating (people that toot their own horn) distasteful - especially if there's a fair chance a bulk of your audience don't have the same opportunity and are in a worse off place.

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  8. #195
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Gloating is not that socially acceptable in Australia. People mainly find gloating (people that toot their own horn) distasteful - especially if there's a fair chance a bulk of your audience don't have the same opportunity and are in a worse off place.
    Fair enough. I'm not an Australian.

    ETA- so this furore is all because she gloated???
    Last edited by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah; 15-05-2016 at 09:25.

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  10. #196
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    Where is gloating acceptable?

  11. #197
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Gloating is not that socially acceptable in Australia. People mainly find gloating (people that toot their own horn) distasteful - especially if there's a fair chance a bulk of your audience don't have the same opportunity and are in a worse off place.
    But, you think she's selfish...so how can you justify that her selfish actions leave her in a better place than you? I would have thought you wouldn't think that she had it better as you have negatively judged her actions so much? Genuinely curious btw, not nitpicking.

  12. #198
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    Gloating isn't acceptable. Being proud of your achievements and success should be but Australia has tall poppy syndrome.

    Yes I thought I was done with this thread but needed something to read over my morning coffee.

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  14. #199
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    Genuinely curious...how do you justify in your head that it's not selfish for your husband to have a whole day to himself every weekend after working all week, but it's not okay for someone else? I just don't get the logic if I'm honest. Also, when your kids are older and Saturdays are filled with running kids to and from sports, will your DH continue to play golf every Sunday? Or will he give up in order to have a family day. Or will family day still be Sat, and your kids won't be allowed to play weekend sports? You have raised questions about how this will work when Rachael's child is older and have a lot of negative judgement surrounding it. I really don't see the difference in your situation, except that your kids are with you, and you are not getting a decent break from your kids. In my mind, your DH is more selfish than Rachael, as he chooses to leave his wife with kids all week and every Sunday when he knows you struggle, and your relationship also needs nurturing. It's not my business how your family dynamics work but I'm mentioning it purely because I want to understand how you draw that line that your family dynamics are fine and your husband isn't selfish, but Rachael is? FWIW, a good friend of mine ended up divorcing her husband because he refused to give up his Sunday all day sport and she couldn't get past his selfishness and lack of desire to spend that time with their kids after he had worked all week. In the end it led to the breakdown of their marriage. What works for some doesn't work for others. There is no one right way.
    He leaves at 6:00am and is back by 11:30/12 every Sunday. We all get up at 7:30 so 4-4.5 hours not an entire day. He purposely goes early as it's quicker and he's back earlier.

    I'm pretty sure 5:00pm Friday until say 9:00am on Sunday is 40 hours. That's 9-10 times more time than my husband gets to himself - that's why it's different.

    I justify it as he lets me sleep in every Saturday morning, he's a hands on dad, he gets the kids up out of bed and fed breakfast while I stay in bed every morning. He used to also do all bath times until DD started her clingy to mum phase so I do that now.

    It's the 1 thing he does for himself. I see it as different definitely. Would I prefer he not go every weekend even on Mother's Day, sure that would be great, but it's 4-4.5 hours. Not 40 hours like the finches. Again different.

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  16. #200
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    Gloating isn't acceptable. Being proud of your achievements and success should be but Australia has tall poppy syndrome.
    Tall poppy syndrome is Australia's version of the Irish begrudgers.
    A nasty side of human nature you'll find in any place you go and yet I've never met one face to face.
    The seem to only reveal themselves in large numbers and behind keyboards on the Internet.
    Last edited by Phony; 15-05-2016 at 09:17.


 

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