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  1. #181
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    - relaxing watching DVDs
    No
    - shopping
    No
    - going to a party/bar/club then having wild sex both nights?
    No. Might be envious of wild sex tho.
    - smoking pot with a friend or hubby all weekend?
    Yes. It's illegal.
    - doing the house cleaning and chores?
    Nope.
    - studying
    Nada
    - working to establish a home business
    No
    - working outside the home
    No.

    Is there any variation in your assessment or is it the same regardless of the activity?

    Illegal - then I'd judge harshly. Otherwise it's not my problem.


    Do you think there would be any point at which you would think the cost of missing 2 nights with your child wouldn't be worth the benefit experienced?

    I don't understand your fascination with "missing bedtimes". I try to miss bedtimes as much as possible. Dh does them here if available. I do enough kid wrangling all week so I hid in the lounge eating dessert as Dh puts the 3 to bed.

    You do realise that finch is with her kid 5/7 nights a week????? Doing it solo cos her hubby works evenings and nights? I spent almost 90% of the last two years doing the evening routine solo. I know that sometimes you just get fed up with groundhog day everything is ALL the time. I understand the fatigue and I have easy happy children. I understand the strain of having a partner who works opp hours and not seeing them much let alone quality time. I understand the mental fatigue you have when you don't have 'alone' or solo time.

    You often say you 'need' your sleep and your babies are happier with their SOS routine. That what makes you happy and your family work?

    But I don't need much sleep but I need down time. I need social time outside my home. I need friends and family and my social life to be happy inside. Otherwise my spirit will wither away.

    Everyone has different needs. Why begrudge her satisfying her needs? She hasn't abandoned her child in an unsafe environment. She isn't doing anything illegal. She works in the entertainment industry where Fri/sat nights she probably has to attend events etc. It's probably easier to have a set weekly routine than chop/change depending on her schedule.

    Why all this angst for a woman that's found a way to keep her family happy and her mind sane?
    I was going to like your post as you were responding to questions I asked and making some really good points. Got halfway through and you lost me. Wish you could give half likes on BH. Missed opportunity.

  2. #182
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    I just thought of a theory about judging.
    ----------
    Everyone judges - that's a fact.

    People won't usually judge those who they identify with, who they consider one of their own.

    People will more easily judge those they don't identify with, who they don't consider one of their own.
    ------------

    People that are more introvert and don't connect with people that much are more likely to judge.

    People that are more extrovert and want to socialise with everyone are less likely to judge.

    We are more likely to judge others that clearly fall outside of fields we strongly identify with. Attachment parenters are more likely to judge those that 'sleep train' even though they might not be that judgey in other areas. We are more likely to stand by those that fall within our inner circles (BH) even if they do dumb crap that we would judge strangers for.

    I am more likely to judge Finchy because I don't identify with her. Rose is less likely to judge Finchy as is he identifies with having an absent partner during peak periods.


    I am less likely to judge the BH user formerly known as KimberlyGal and I identify with her. Others are more likely to judge as they don't identify with her. And more vigorously if it's on a topic where there is a significant difference of opinion on.

    That's all.
    Last edited by VicPark; 14-05-2016 at 21:42.

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  4. #183
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Look she obviously sees no harm in what she's doing. Let's just hope her daughter does okay in the future too.
    That goes for all of us. I really hope that by parenting tbe way I see fit I'm not f!@king my kids up. Only way to know is to find out when they're adults, though. Or gain access to a crystal ball. Same goes for all of us. All I know is that I have so many friends from all walks of life who were all raised differently, and with different family dynamics...and everyone grew up just fine.

  5. #184
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    . All I know is that I have so many friends from all walks of life who were all raised differently, and with different family dynamics...and everyone grew up just fine.
    Really? Just one look in BH and you realise that .. Nah ..Everyone didn't grow up just fine .

  6. #185
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Really? Just one look in BH and you realise that .. Nah ..Everyone didn't grow up just fine .
    Err....I said my friends. Not everyone. Not bh. My friends. My friends did grow up fine despite different upbringing, so yeah, really.
    But given you've mentiond bh...I've counted three bh members who have said they stayed with their grandparents on a weekly basis and all talked fondly of their childhood. Lets not ignore this when deciding an experience different to what you know is wrong.

  7. #186
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Because she came out gloating and talking up the large chunk of childless time she gets every single week. The selfishness of it all is causing the angst. For me.
    She came out gloating? She's a public figure who was interviewed by the media about how she juggles her career with a child and she (stupidly) answered the question. I'd hardly call it gloating. I don't mean this the wrong way, but for me your posts read like they are coming from a place of jealousy. I could be completely wrong of course, and I am not saying this to offend, it's just my perception. If it's wrong, cool. I just don't understand why a working family dynamic is causing you so much angst just because it's different to what you're used to. I also believe that if she had said 'I suffered from pnd, and my relationship also suffered so this arrangement was made to save our marriage and lead me to my pnd recovery' that you would be more accepting than what you are because Rachael sounds really happy.
    Last edited by Full House; 15-05-2016 at 05:48.

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  9. #187
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Really? Just one look in BH and you realise that .. Nah ..Everyone didn't grow up just fine .
    And I bet the ones that are not fine weren't all "shipped" of to their grandparents house every weekend - my point being there is no normal, kids with seemingly happy parents still have problems, kids with 1 parent can grow up way better adjusted in life than those with 2 etc I'm in people's houses every day and I've seen all kinds of family dynamics and I guarantee you as long as the kids are loved and cared for there is no such thing as a perfect family unit , society needs to stop trying to strive to fit into something thats not real

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  11. #188
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    She came out gloating? She's a public figure who was interviewed by the media about how she juggles her career with a child and she (stupidly) answered the question. I'd hardly call it gloating. I don't mean this the wrong way, but for me your posts read like they are coming from a place of jealousy. I could be completely wrong of course, and I am not saying this to offend, it's just my perception. If it's wrong, cool. I just don't understand why a working family dynamic is causing you so much angst just because it's different to what you're used to. I also believe that if she had said 'I suffered from pnd, and my relationship also suffered so this arrangement was made to save our marriage and lead me to my pnd recovery' that you would be more accepting than what you are because Rachael sounds really happy.
    Yes if she had PND, different ball game and yes it wouldn't bother me at all.

    I'm not jealous, we all just have different things we see as selfish. Eg. My DH plays gold every Sunday. Some people (my parents and some friends) think it's selfish. I generally don't. We all see things differently and judge differently and that's all that is happening here.

    I just keep harping on about it because there were heaps of people on BH who all agreed it was too much and perhaps selfish, but I'm the only one still here saying the same things as I was quoted and had my parenting history brought up so I replied and the circle continues. I'm more than happy to stop commenting if I'm sounding like I'm jealous or a heinous judgemental person. Because I'm not either.

    I think it's ok to judge, it's human nature, it's just a very individual process that makes the world judge differently and if you're in the public eye and you say something out in the open you open yourself up to people offering their views.

    This is true for BH too. If a person doesn't agree with something - like sleep training, formula feeding, religion/god they're alway happy to chime in with their judgements (sleep training parents treat their kids like dogs - formula feeding should always be the last option and ff'ers don't try hard enough to BF - believe in God you're lying to your kids and telling fairytales).

    We all do it. In BH if we are talking about an actual hubber, if I have an opinion on their actions I judge to be not something I agree with I tend to stay silent and in fact spend a lot of time in BH defending those in the minority who do things others on here find to be unacceptable.

    A person in the media says something I don't agree with I will openly judge. After all don't put your life out there in the media if you want a quiet life and people to keep their opinions to themselves. She didn't need to do the interview, she didn't need to say it.

    But I also have in the back of my mind it's a publicity stunt - I mean how many hubbers hadn't even heard of her before!? We all know her now! 🤔

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  13. #189
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I was going to like your post as you were responding to questions I asked and making some really good points. Got halfway through and you lost me. Wish you could give half likes on BH. Missed opportunity.
    You asked me to answer numerous points - I did so as plainly as possible plus tried to explain my position of being understanding of her situation

    Then that's your reply? You not responding to my questions?

    It feels like everyone has to justify why it's perfectly acceptable for Rachel's family to function that way ... to you.

    I find that bizarre.

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  15. #190
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Because she came out gloating and talking up the large chunk of childless time she gets every single week. The selfishness of it all is causing the angst. For me.
    Of course she is gloating. She found a perfect balance for her family.

    I'd gloat too, take out an advertisement and tell everyone too if and when I find that perfect balance.

    She is happy. Let's celebrate that.

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