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  1. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    I think your actually sounding a bit envious? how often does your mum or MIL look after your kids?
    Not often so maybe there's some merit to your point.

    I was trying to think of it from the mil's point of view though, as I don't think it has been considered so far.
    - I have relatives that dump their kids with their parents on a regular basis. I hear about this as their parents whinge to my parents (my response is always "say no or stop your whinging!"). So I am wondering how much the mil is a 'willing' participant.

    When I am 50-60 I'm not going to be day-dreaming about looking after a 2.5 year old 2 nights per week!.

  2. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    That's the BH way!

    - judge sleep trainers but not nap takers
    .
    I almost peed my pants!

    LOL. OK. Judge this. I'm pulling an all nighter to read my new book so I can avoid my husband and children tomorrow as I will claim fatigue and nap a lot.

    PS. I still think Rachel finch is a blooming genius.

    Pps. I'm going to nap tomorrow and Sunday.

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  4. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by monroe78 View Post
    This is what i am getting at.
    I don't understand why people get defensive and seemingly offended over something that has no impact on their life or the choices they make.
    To me, the Rachael "issue" is a much smaller thing then some are making it into.
    I think because it touches all the nerves.

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  6. #114
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Not often so maybe there's some merit to your point.

    I was trying to think of it from the mil's point of view though, as I don't think it has been considered so far.
    - I have relatives that dump their kids with their parents on a regular basis. I hear about this as their parents whinge to my parents (my response is always "say no or stop your whinging!"). So I am wondering how much the mil is a 'willing' participant.

    When I am 50-60 I'm not going to be day-dreaming about looking after a 2.5 year old 2 nights per week!.

    My mum has withdrawals if she doesn't see DS at least every second day, she minds him 2 afternoons a week and he has regular sleepovers ( used to be once a week but since school now usually in the holidays ) I had the same relationship with my grandmother and I can't wait to do exactly the same for my grandchildren - everyone thinks differently and that's my point - it's what works for you that's important

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  8. #115
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    I almost peed my pants!

    LOL. OK. Judge this. I'm pulling an all nighter to read my new book so I can avoid my husband and children tomorrow as I will claim fatigue and nap a lot.

    PS. I still think Rachel finch is a blooming genius.

    Pps. I'm going to nap tomorrow and Sunday.
    You bad, bad mum 😉 For shame!

  9. #116
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Marigold~ View Post
    You bad, bad mum 😉 For shame!
    I know. I'm horrid. Peace out.

    The thing is I'm kinda proud of my deviousness. Muahhhhaaaa.

    Eta. For those that want to judge my horrible parenting - go ahead. I promise you it will not disturb my naps. Or sleeps.

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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    Some could also say choosing to go back to work (either for financial reasons or for stimulation) and putting your kids in day care is distasteful , don't have kids if you can't afford/want to stay at home with them 5 days a week - see how it can be twisted to suit your own circumstances ?
    Just because what you do seems right to you does not make it right for everyone else - if the kids are loved and happy then who gives a rats ***
    Big difference in 'choosing' to be apart from your kid to work v's stay and home with your partner relaxing (not working).

    Not sure why this is so hard for people to grasp..

  11. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I think you're missing my point. Probably because I haven't been that clear. It's not about total hours. It's about the fact that the finches are *giving up* a significant chunk of time that they could have spent with their kid ... So they could spend 'quality' time together. Big fat different between personal alone time and building a career!!

    Not totals of what they did do, but totals of what they chose to give up.
    I really can see your point. You're also entitled to your opinion, i just think it goes to show we all judge differently.

    For some couples quality time together might be more important than anything else and if it makes them happy, then it does.

    I just find it kind of strange people are so quick to judge this kind of scenario, when the child is with a loving family member, getting one on one time but that's apparently worse than 50 plus hours a week of fulltime daycare. I'm not saying that one is better than another but it's funny the way we've now been conditioned to view family childcare arrangements, some are judged more harshly than others.

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  13. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elijahs Mum View Post
    My mum has withdrawals if she doesn't see DS at least every second day,
    Her name isn't Marie is it? Just kidding your mum sounds like a wonderful mum and grandma.

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  15. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I think you're missing my point. Probably because I haven't been that clear. It's not about total hours. It's about the fact that the finches are *giving up* a significant chunk of time that they could have spent with their kid ... So they could spend 'quality' time together. Big fat different between personal alone time and building a career!!

    Not totals of what they did do, but totals of what they chose to give up.
    But you don't have the right to judge how people spend their time. They have a work/life/child balance that works for them and everyone is (presumably) happy. There's no need to be judging this. It's different to the norm, I get that. And different can make us uncomfortable. I'll admit my first thought was 'wow, every weekend' but then when you break it dow it's not much compared to how much time they do spend with her, and so what if Rachel and her DH have 36 hours of couple time together. Perhaps that 36hours of time together is literally saving their marriage.


 

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