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  1. #61
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    I can barely muster the energy to give a crap. I'm with Sonja...who is this chick anyway, and why do we care about what she does?

    Sent from my SM-N910G using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I know you didn't quote me, but I think at 1-2 days this is different. It's different as the child is also getting to see their parents in the morning and afternoons of both days, they get to sleep in their own beds, wake up to their parents and it could free up the non-working parent to run errands and do chores that are difficult with children in tow.

    If it were 4-5 days of child care for a parent to do as they please and get leisure time this is different IMO and yes I would judge - inwardly - I would never actually tell a parent I disagreed with it. Nor do I think it makes them a bad person or a bad mum, just a bit selfish.
    But this child wakes up to her dad and spends until 3pm with him, when her mum comes home and spends time with her until bed time. She's not with her mum or dad for one day of the week (and two nights). So you could say the equivalent is 2 days of daycare...they hardly need to be judged for this.

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  5. #63
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    Default Rachael Finch under fire - MIL babysits child every weekend

    I actually think this is fine. So amusing to me that people assume she doesn't get quality time with her child because she stays with her grandmother for 36 hours. Seriously, whether it's 2 nights or not, it's 36 hours per week! Couples often find their relationship strained when they have kids and a lot of it is to do with not having time with each other outside of being parents. I think it's fantastic her relationship is clearly a priority for her. My eldest stays with my Mum 1 night per week, we still have our youngest with us but it does free up time and energy for each other and our youngest child who rarely gets alone time with us (which our eldest had plenty of before her younger sister came along!!)
    Last edited by lulupetal; 13-05-2016 at 20:26.

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  7. #64
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    only just read the article. I think EVERY weekend is unacceptable. how can you not feel like a selfish f.ck dumping your kid on your mil ALL weekend, EVERY weekend?

    I get that couple time alone and a break from the monotony of being mum and dad 24/7 is important but I think fri night - sun night every week is too much.

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  9. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    only just read the article. I think EVERY weekend is unacceptable. how can you not feel like a selfish f.ck dumping your kid on your mil ALL weekend, EVERY weekend?

    I get that couple time alone and a break from the monotony of being mum and dad 24/7 is important but I think fri night - sun night every week is too much.
    I would have no qualms doing that with older babies 2-2.5yrs + . Especially if Dh and I were working opp shifts.

    Pity my mum and MIL are unavailable.

    And I wouldn't feel selfish about it at all. I'd feel like a woman, a wife, an individual, a scientist, an avid book reader. I may even feel like I might uncover me under the nappies and fatigue.

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  11. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    only just read the article. I think EVERY weekend is unacceptable. how can you not feel like a selfish f.ck dumping your kid on your mil ALL weekend, EVERY weekend?

    I get that couple time alone and a break from the monotony of being mum and dad 24/7 is important but I think fri night - sun night every week is too much.
    It's Friday night-Sunday morning & they each have the child in their care all through the week. At what point when you have children do you stop being a human with wants and needs outside of being a parent?

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  13. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    only just read the article. I think EVERY weekend is unacceptable. how can you not feel like a selfish f.ck dumping your kid on your mil ALL weekend, EVERY weekend?

    I get that couple time alone and a break from the monotony of being mum and dad 24/7 is important but I think fri night - sun night every week is too much.
    I struggle to see how it's unacceptable. This seems to be more about the social norm than it is about any actual effects on anyone involved.
    So by the sound of it, the kid is with dad for maybe 8 hours a day (assuming 7am wakeup), 5 days a week. 40 hours. With mum maybe 4 hours a day (assuming 7pm bedtime) so 20 hours per week. Add in most of Sunday with both mum & dad, plus 1-1.5 days with grandma.

    When my daughter was 2, DP was working 6 days a week. He generally wouldn't see her in the morning, and would see her for 1 hour in the evening. Plus all day Sunday. I'd often spend half of Sunday out by myself 'cause I needed a break. I'm not going to break down the hours, but there wouldn't be many people calling him a selfish f.ck for having that amount of time with her/with us.

    What EXACTLY is it that makes this scenario selfish? Both parents spend a LOT of time with their kid. They have regular time together as a family, and the child is always cared for by someone who loves her. BONUS: they both have a life of their own, and prioritise their relationship.

    Where does this idea comes from that once a couple have children they must sacrifice all hope of time as a couple. Can you imagine how that would come across if you had the same attitude about a marriage? "How selfish to play a sport once you are married...you should expect most of your alone time to now be couple time! You gave up the right to spend time on your own when you got married!". Yes, a child is dependant, but this one is cared for by people who love her!

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  15. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulupetal View Post
    It's Friday night-Sunday morning & they each have the child in their care all through the week. At what point when you have children do you stop being a human with wants and needs outside of being a parent?
    you don't. don't get me wrong, I'm all for kid-free time and staying in touch with "me" and getting couple time etc.

    I'm just personally not comfortable with the regularity of it. i feel like it's a bit selfish. good on then for prioritizing child-free couple time but I think it's a bit much.

    I'd be more comfortable with a weekend off once a month. like come on, you don't have kids to palm them off onto someone else every weekend.

  16. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    I struggle to see how it's unacceptable. This seems to be more about the social norm than it is about any actual effects on anyone involved.
    So by the sound of it, the kid is with dad for maybe 8 hours a day (assuming 7am wakeup), 5 days a week. 40 hours. With mum maybe 4 hours a day (assuming 7pm bedtime) so 20 hours per week. Add in most of Sunday with both mum & dad, plus 1-1.5 days with grandma.

    When my daughter was 2, DP was working 6 days a week. He generally wouldn't see her in the morning, and would see her for 1 hour in the evening. Plus all day Sunday. I'd often spend half of Sunday out by myself 'cause I needed a break. I'm not going to break down the hours, but there wouldn't be many people calling him a selfish f.ck for having that amount of time with her/with us.

    What EXACTLY is it that makes this scenario selfish? Both parents spend a LOT of time with their kid. They have regular time together as a family, and the child is always cared for by someone who loves her. BONUS: they both have a life of their own, and prioritise their relationship.

    Where does this idea comes from that once a couple have children they must sacrifice all hope of time as a couple. Can you imagine how that would come across if you had the same attitude about a marriage? "How selfish to play a sport once you are married...you should expect most of your alone time to now be couple time! You gave up the right to spend time on your own when you got married!". Yes, a child is dependant, but this one is cared for by people who love her!
    it just seems a bit mean, dumping your kid and going off together to enjoy yourselves child free. it kind of implies to me that you can't properly enjoy yourself with your child.

    dunno, just makes me feel a bit sorry for the child.

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  18. #70
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    Sure, if you put that slant on it..but they spend HEAPS of time with her as it is. Plenty of people 'dump' their kids on family or daycare and head off to work because they get something from it that they couldn't with a child in tow. Is that mean?

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