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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    I appreciate Dr Phil's advice ... However he's quite repetitive and gives the same advice regardless of the background. I agree with you (and the Doc) that children don't need an adult understanding of situations, but from my own personal experience it wasn't until my mum stopped hiding it that things improved.

    I never 'got' why my family wouldn't go on holidays, ate home brand food, never had the 'in' things and mum would pack a lunch while all my friends could buy there's when at an event... I can clearly remember the time I pushed and pushed my mum telling her she was being unfair not letting me (or my 3 siblings) buy a burger ... She was trying to deflect the situation and eventually got upset and said 'I'm sorry sweety, I really want to... We just can't afford it. I spent the last of the money in this trip' (a sporting thing).

    I honestly never realised we had no money until that point and it shifted the selfish little child in me... Made me much more empathetic and appreciating all the great things I had and did. I'm great with budgeting to this day and I'm happy. Not only that but I'm considerate towards my friends with financial troubles and I always hold very little value in materialistic things. I think I could have been a very demanding child until my mum opened up to me.

    I'm now a single parent in a great financial position but even my son says 'don't waste your money on take away mum, just cook something at home' when I want to buy something. He's not stressed, he has all he needs and way more... But he is aware just like I was.

    OP I think your son has done a beautiful thing and he sounds like an empathetic gorgeous boy. If he spent his money on a gift for you I'm sure you'd keep it... This is just the same imo. I wouldn't dismiss it or try to give it back... He's obviously thought hard about it and it could possibly shatter his little heart for you to give it back.


    Sounds to me like you've already done a wonderful job in raising him though
    Yes, I agree with all of this. When there are such blatant differences between our household and all their friends households, you have to explain it to some extent.
    "Mum why do we have to share a room but all my friends have their own room? Can't you just get a bigger house?"... "no, I want to make you suffer sweety".
    Or, "not at this point in time darling, you have to save up a lot of money for a big house".


    Re. the $20 that I turned down for groceries that people keep bringing up... I didn't go and tell him to keep his stinking money because he's not helpful, nor did I sob to him that I can't afford to feed them and I need someone to give me money.
    We were heading out to do groceries, he beamed happily to me that he would like to buy the groceries this week, as I buy them every other week and he wanted to buy them for this week. He told me "don't worry, I have HEAPS of money!". I complimented him and thanked him for being so kind and thoughtful and said don't worry, I can pay, and he can buy himself a new book or Lego or whatever he wanted. He reiterated don't worry mum, I have HEAPS of money. I asked him how much money is the "heaps" that he still had in his wallet and he said "I have a $20 NOTE, see! HEAPS!"
    Which then led on to the conversation about how much does he think food costs, and as such, how much does he think one weeks food for 4 people would cost. He didn't want to help, he wanted to pay for the week's groceries with a 20 buck note. And he probably would have expected change.
    If I continued to let him believe that he could go and buy a weeks groceries for $20, I would be failing in that parental lesson IMO. I want my kids to be able to budget and be realistic with money.

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  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    My eldest will be 8 in a couple of weeks and I would never feel comfortable telling her that I couldn't afford food.
    Who's telling their kids they can't afford food?

  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Who's telling their kids they can't afford food?
    He is obviously a smart boy and worked out that you have no money and need it for food so wanted to help.

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    VicPark  (11-05-2016)

  6. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    He is obviously a smart boy and worked out that you have no money and need it for food so wanted to help.
    Well that particular day I did have no issues paying for groceries. But yes, he is a smart boy and he does work things out for himself, hence why I am saying that it is not possible for me to shield my kids from my financial position.

  7. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    He is obviously a smart boy and worked out that you have no money and need it for food so wanted to help.
    Did you read the post above that explained how the conversation went?

    CMF, you don't need to keep explaining yourself. I was just like your son as a kid...wanted to buy things and help out as much as I could...and my parent's were not rich, but never in desperate situations either. I never felt insecure, or burdened by adult issues. Kids are smart, they work out differences in families really early on. It's a bit crazy to lie to your kids when they can clearly see things are different. It doesn't mean they're being burdened with adult issues at all.
    Last edited by Full House; 10-05-2016 at 22:45.

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  9. #46
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    I lost my job 6 months ago and have been strugling since and taking whatever work blows my way.

    I have no problem twlling my kids i cant afford it. Even a $2 toy.

    The yougest 2 dont have a real concept of money but the 7 year old has some understanding.

    I think it is good for children to understand. I would not want the kids worried wherr the next meal isncoming from but would have no problem saying 'if we were to buy this there woukd e no money for food'

    My circumstances will change sooner or later. In the mean time trying to keep the house from the bank.
    Last edited by DaveTTC; 11-05-2016 at 10:47.

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    What a lovely boy!

    I personally would have brought a loaf of bread and hot chips and told the family that X brought lunch for us all today.

    I took my daughter (4) to buy lunch the other day, out of the blue she says she wanted to pay for lunch with her pocket money. She handed over her $5 and I paid the rest and said Thankyou.

    I was so proud that she wanted to shout us lunch instead of buying something for herself.

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    DaveTTC  (11-05-2016)

  12. #48
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    CMF, what a kind and mature little boy you have.

    I see no harm in CMF's children being aware of the value of money. I cannot count how many times I've heard very successful people speak of the admiration they have for their own single mothers who struggled with little money but still put food on the table and did an amazing job in raising them.

    Children work it out for themselves, whether you shield them from your financials or not.

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    CMF  (11-05-2016)


 

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