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  1. #21
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    What an awful situation. I would be devastated too. He has gone about this horribly. I would ask to have a reasonable conversation & come to a compromise. You said your DS is 4 months & you were planning to return to work anyway when he is 13 months. Could you compromise by waiting 6-10 months for his back surgery, &you return to work then? Then if you feel uncomfortable with MIL looking after your child, you could use daycare (or whatever you were planning on doing when you did return to work) while DH recovers & hopefully returns to a place of being able to work again? Sorry yoi are going through this. What a tough time for your family.

  2. #22
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    You could semi call his bluff. Say ok, I'll go back to work full time but would rather put bub into full time Childcare and claim the rebates etc, oh but because bub isn't yet sleeping through the night, I'll need someone to look after them overnight so that I can focus on working and earning a decent income. Would MIL like to do that instead? :-/

    In all seriousness though. Isn't there a better compromise to be had. Could DH reduce his hours to part time and you go back to work part time? And mil could support on the days where you're both working or if DH needs a hand?

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  4. #23
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    [QUOTE=HopefulK;8474955]You could semi call his bluff. Say ok, I'll go back to work full time but would rather put bub into full time Childcare and claim the rebates etc, oh but because bub isn't yet sleeping through the night, I'll need someone to look after them overnight so that I can focus on working and earning a decent income. Would MIL like to do that instead? :-/

    Geez that's gold

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    Is this plan of his and his Mummy's a short term one while he heals from the surgery or does he plan for this to be a permanent thing where you work FT while he sits at home and Mummy has your child? I'm a SAHM but I actually care for kids and run a household.

  7. #25
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    Default Help and advice needed please so upset

    Lets all just strip this back a little.

    Forget about the back injury!

    Forget that he has worked with the aid of pain killers for two years.

    Let's look at it for exactly what it is (because you did say in your PP that you would go back to work if he couldn't, even though you would hate every minute of it).

    Firstly, he has made a big decision without involving you (he is allowed to have a discussion with his Mother and ask for her opinion on a matter) but not make a major decision and then virtually forced it on you!

    Secondly, he has threatened to leave you and your LO if he doesn't get what he wants! Not just you. So, that is a testament to the person he is!

    Who cares if he is on a waiting list for surgery or if he has bottled things up, the fact is, he has gone about it the wrong way and is TELLING you what to do rather than asking if you would be on board.

    I would be tempted to very calmly call his bluff.

    Don't tell him to leave, you leave, even if it is just for a day or two!

    Take your LO and wait!

    You will see what kind of person he really is based on whether he calls and apologises, calls and threatens again or doesn't call at all.

    He could very well be an amazing person but at no point is it ok for anyone to 1) tell you how to live you life, 2) tell you who will raise your child and how and 3) give you such an ultimatum when you are meant to be in a partnership.

    Sleep on it and make a decision when you feel good and ready.

    Please keep us all informed of the outcome.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by beckyashleigh; 09-05-2016 at 02:37.

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  9. #26
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    As someone who has had back problems and lived with a mother ho has had back problems I would recommend...decide now.
    Living with someone who has these problems is likely to be and ongoing life long thing. Surgery won't necessarily fix it and while pain medications are scary they are necessary. But they mess with the rest of the body and in some cases the mind.
    I asked my partner (we were childless at the time) to make this choice when i was unsure of my own chance of recovery, if he was going to go, then go without any hard feelings or animosity, I've seen what sticking around can do to a person, or decide to stick it out with me and understand that it might not ever get better.
    Whatever you do, don't make the decision with it in mind that recovery and change will be on the horizon, maybe it will be, like me, he might get lucky, like my mother, he may not.


 

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