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  1. #1
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    Default Help and advice needed please so upset

    Hi all. To make a long story short my husband suffered a really bad back injury a couple of years ago. He has worked full time during this period and has gotten through it using pain killers. My husband has done not a lot to seek medical help during this period so i took over and he has now been told that he needs surgery on his back.

    Our baby boy is only 4 months old and i was not due to go back until he turns 13 months. My husband and i had a pretty bad argument (unrelated to this issue) and he said that he had discussed this with his mum and they feel that i should go back to work and he leave work. When i pointed out that he can't hold our child and look after him for long periods due to his injury he said that his mum said that she would look after our son while i go to work.

    My husband has threatened to leave me if i don't agree. I am just devistated and dont know what to do. The thought of having my son raised by his mum rather than me is just so upsetting. I had never been so happy as when i left work and was able to raise our son. My mother in law took 13 years off to raise her three kids and i just dobt understand how she could possibly take this from me.

    I will have to go to a job where i was bullied and overworked. I will need to look after our child at night (still doesnt sleep through) on weekends and etc.

    I am just so depressed and i haven't even gobe back to work.

    My husband won't talk to me about this claiming that if i don't go back to work im selfish and he will leave me

    I don't know what to do. He has managed for the past 2 years and would have continued on if it wasnt for his mother interfering. Im just so furious and depressed

    My hubby has always been one to say that it should be the mum raisingthe child and that the bond between mother and child is the most important.

    I have szupptmy hubby through a lot over the 10 years ae have been together

    I cant deal with not raising my son and i can't deal with losing my husband


    What.should I do?

  2. #2
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    That just seems like such a bizarre threat to come out of nowhere. I don't really have much advice but I hope you get things sorted.

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    Hillmummy  (08-05-2016)

  4. #3
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    Agree with PP- bizarre.

    Unless something has been eating away at him for a long time and has finally come to a head. It's common for people on long term pain relief to become depressed- perhaps you could take him to the GP about his medication and/or surgery options and subtly suggest a screener for it?

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  6. #4
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    First of all, don't let him bully you in to doing something you don't want. If he's going to walk because you want to be at home with your baby, let him. Buying in to his threats is just setting a precedence for him to do it every time he wants his own way, and that's unhealthy behaviour.

    I would also discuss it with his gp. If he's unwilling for you to come with him, I would book an appointment on your own. While the gp can't really say anything to you about your dh, from my understanding, they are able to listen to your concerns and take them in to account.

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  8. #5
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    Thanks everyone

    My hubby is the type to bottle things up and then explode. I have been trying to change that but haven't had any luck

    I haven't spoken to him for over 24 houra

    I have no idea what to do. I don't want to cause a scene on mothers day but want to talk through this with him calmly. I know that my hubby would not speak to a gp about this as he doesn't feel he is doing anything wrong

    its hard to put a brave face on for my son.

    I dont know if his mum is trying to manipulate him so she can look after our child. I call her the smiling assassin to my friends. She is very sweet when screwing u over.

    I love my husband and would go back to work if he couldn't work any longer. I would hate every second of it but i would do it for the good of our family. But my hubby has been working for 2 years so its not like he hasn't been able to work

    I just don't know how to fix this

  9. #6
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    Is he still taking painkillers? And if so which ones?
    So what's his long term plan? To sit at home while you work? Is he waiting for surgery?

  10. #7
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    No advice sorry but hope you can work it out xx

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    I wouldn't give in to his blackmail. If you give in this time, he'll threaten you every time he wants his own way.

    Maybe talk to his mum. Say she had 13 years off work raising her kids so she should understand your desire to raise your own child

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  13. #9
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    If he's willing to leave you over this then I would question how much he truly cares about you and your needs and wants. It's not up to him to discuss your family arrangements with his mother and then present you with an ultimatum. Sorry OP but he's backed you into a corner here and it seems quite selfish. Call his bluff if need be, what he's suggesting isn't best for your child nor your family. Xox

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    Also - it's your first Mother's Day, he should be spoiling you, not giving you the silent treatment OP! You deserve better. Take your bubba out and go sit in the sunshine somewhere and try to enjoy the day with your baby.

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