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  1. #1
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    Default How can i get DH to keep things tidy without constantly feeling like i have to nag

    im not sure which part of the forum to post this as its not exactly 'parenting related' but im figuring general tips and advice may be the go

    every bloody six months DH and i have to go thru this massive re-tidy and put everything in its rightful spot, i have to reorganise his wardrobe which really only lasts organised 2 days tops, my laundry is overtaken by his tools and beer bottles cuz he never bloody takes the extra 10 steps to go outside and put them in the bin, he messes up the garage for the same reasons then after six months he whinges to me its all a mess and aparently so it is my fault it gets to that stage. i mean really i pick up after him all the bloody time, clothes off the floor next to the laundry baskets back into the laundry basket, his medication boxes everywhere, he puts empty milk jugs back in the fridge and so on and so on, i cant keep doing this its soooo frustrating i feel like it is an uphil battle. i have two kids a two year old and a 6 month old i contstantly pick up toys while DH comes back home from work plonks himself in the couch with his phone and watches whatever it is he watches because he wants to relax. at the most on a regular basis he does the lawns and a whippersnip but he reckons he is too exhausted after that half hour stint a week. i feel like we are getting nowhere. we have such a nice new house and he is just overturning it. never bothers weeding or anything. the garden got out of control and so I had to pay a gardener to come do it because DH promises he will but it takes 10 weeks of nagging and asking him before he does something extra around the house. i can handle picking up after the kids but i cant deal with having to also now add the outdoors on my to do list as well. im sleep deprived looking after the kids at night as well because he wont help me in the night, i feel like i raise these kids by myself and have another big kid added in the mix. cant remember the last time if ever at all he stripped the beds or put a load of laundry on. i just dont know how to get him to step up, because telling him how i feel doesnt make a difference. he claims i am trying to pick a fight if i tell him in a nice way. Im his wife not his mother. i have to go back to work in a few months and i feel like this will never change. any advice how we can fix this, its so hard to keep everything tidy. he isnt even bothered when its a mess and people come over unexpected and i feel so embarrassed when that happens. help

  2. #2
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    Everyday round up all of the stuff he hasn't put away and put in on his pillow.

    If he can't act like a grownup, treat him like a child.

  3. #3
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    I would flat out tell him if he doesn't start cleaning up after HIMSELF his clothes that end up on the floor will start going in the bin and the trash he leaves behind will end up on his pillow. And follow through.

    It also ain't nagging when you tell a lazy person to do what they are supposed to do in the first place. You are NOT the unpleasant one in this situation. He is.

    Honestly, there is absolutely no excuse. Not one. So he comes home tired from work? Too bad, tidying up your own mess is part of adulting.

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    I know how you feel. My ex was like this too.
    I hired a cleaner one day a fortnight. His mum even came in and helped me clean and had a go at him and says "I didn't raise a lazy son stsrt pulling your weight!"

    I didn't get too anal about the cleaning, I did the basics.

    My partner now helps out ( not every day) but if things were getting too overwhelming for me he would help.

    Maybe get all his mess together in one of those huge containers and put it in there. That way at least it's out of the way and when he is looking for things he can put them back in the right places.

  5. #5
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    Everything the he leaves around put it in big black garbage bags, and outside. If it were my hubby id tell him to shape up or get out. You're already doing everything already.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GlitterFarts View Post
    Everything the he leaves around put it in big black garbage bags, and outside. If it were my hubby id tell him to shape up or get out. You're already doing everything already.
    Yep this. Or in a washing basket. Do you do his washing? I’d be just collecting all of his crap and clothes and leaving it in a basket near the front door or outside. He might soon realise if he runs out of clean clothes to wear.

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    I'd be gathering his stuff up and putting it in a basket as PPs have suggested. If you want to go a step further, start a Sunday box - if it's left out it goes in the Sunday box. He can't have it back til Sunday. If he doesn't put it away on Sunday, then it gets tossed. No exceptions to the rule - wallet, keys, clothes, phone, medications, etc. You may have to give back wallet and keys once or twice, with a warning. But don't let him have it back again after that. With the rubbish that should be in the bin - maybe start putting it on his pillow (provided it won't tip any liquid on his sheets that you'll have to clean). He might realise what a slob he's been if access to his stuff has suddenly been restricted and then it goes in the bin.
    Tell him if he can't get his act together, you're paying for a gardener weekly, and a cleaner twice a week because you can't do it any more.
    My hubby and I have a rule - if one is doing house work, we both are. Could you start that up?

  8. #8
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    Stop cleaning up after him. He is treating you like a slave. If his cupboard is already a mess I'd just dump everything he leaves out in there
    Stop washing his clothes.
    Stop cooking him meals.
    Stop picking up after him.
    Hire a gardener.
    Just tell him calmly how you are exhausted doing it all, and if he won't help out then you are going to lighten your load and stop worrying about him. He is an adult. He can clean up after himself, and help out.

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Full House For This Useful Post:

    GlitterFarts  (03-05-2016),Tiny Dancer  (03-05-2016)

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    I can 100% relate to this. DF and I moved out about a year ago by ourselves. DF mum is one who did absolutely everything for her kids, so DF naturally assumed I would take the role of mum and do everything for him. Um no!
    For the first two months I did everything. I cooked, cleaned, did the clothes washing, fed the animals, washed the animals, changed the sheets, weeded the gardens, I even mowed the freaking lawn. I kept nagging DF to help out, told him how tired I am of him not helping out, etc etc but he would help out once and then never help out again.
    So one day I just stopped doing stuff. I figured I work 60 hours a week, I get home at 7pm, and I shouldn't have to get home and do everything when DF has been home since 2.30pm sitting on his a$$ watching TV (still gets me angry hahah 😡)
    I started only doing my washing, my dishes, I stopped vacuuming, mopping, I started only cooking for myself, etc. everything. I was so over it. At first he didn't notice, but eventually he clicked on how serious I was. One day DF was up at 4am for work and asked where his work uniforms were, and I told him "they're probably still in the washing basket since you haven't done any washing for three weeks. He chucked a spastic and then I went psycho telling him how frucking lazy he is and his is why he hasn't had a proper dinner for three weeks, why he has no uniforms, why his bedside table is covered in dust. He shut up real quick and from then on he has been a dream. He cooks dinner most nights (provided I tell him what to cook), he does all the outdoors work, he does loads of washing most days, he vacuums, he dusts, he changes the bed sheets.

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to babymummatobe For This Useful Post:

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  12. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by babymummatobe View Post
    I can 100% relate to this. DF and I moved out about a year ago by ourselves. DF mum is one who did absolutely everything for her kids, so DF naturally assumed I would take the role of mum and do everything for him. Um no!
    For the first two months I did everything. I cooked, cleaned, did the clothes washing, fed the animals, washed the animals, changed the sheets, weeded the gardens, I even mowed the freaking lawn. I kept nagging DF to help out, told him how tired I am of him not helping out, etc etc but he would help out once and then never help out again.
    So one day I just stopped doing stuff. I figured I work 60 hours a week, I get home at 7pm, and I shouldn't have to get home and do everything when DF has been home since 2.30pm sitting on his a$$ watching TV (still gets me angry hahah 😡)
    I started only doing my washing, my dishes, I stopped vacuuming, mopping, I started only cooking for myself, etc. everything. I was so over it. At first he didn't notice, but eventually he clicked on how serious I was. One day DF was up at 4am for work and asked where his work uniforms were, and I told him "they're probably still in the washing basket since you haven't done any washing for three weeks. He chucked a spastic and then I went psycho telling him how frucking lazy he is and his is why he hasn't had a proper dinner for three weeks, why he has no uniforms, why his bedside table is covered in dust. He shut up real quick and from then on he has been a dream. He cooks dinner most nights (provided I tell him what to cook), he does all the outdoors work, he does loads of washing most days, he vacuums, he dusts, he changes the bed sheets.
    This was going to be my advice too. Just stop doing it. Let everything go feral. It might take a while but she should crack it soon.


 

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