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  1. #11
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    Edit: oops! Double post.
    Last edited by Barnaby; 01-05-2016 at 14:06.

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    turquoisecoast  (01-05-2016)

  3. #12
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    Following. My LO is five months tomorrow and we're seriously considering trying for number two later this year

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    turquoisecoast  (01-05-2016)

  5. #13
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    My girls are 13 months apart and I found it very easy. I breastfed my first throughout pregnancy and then fed both for 10 months. (Not sure your feeding situation but just saying this is possible and made my life much easier).

    My dh was away a lot his first trip for 3 weeks was when my second was 7 weeks old it wasn't too bad just didn't plan many outings for that time. We don't live near family to help so just each other or myself when dh is away.

    My first never got any jealousy, they have grown up together and are really close. We just found out we will be having number 3 early January and that will be 3 year gap from eldest to youngest and just under 2 years middle to youngest should be interesting 😜

    I strongly feel that age gaps are irrelevant for how well siblings get along it is personalities that depend on this. I also know exactly how you feel thinking of getting baby stuff out again. While it felt like we were in the baby stage back to back I admit now that it was so great to move through each together and we were officially ready for the next stage 😂

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    turquoisecoast  (01-05-2016)

  7. #14
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    There are so many pros and cons for smaller age gaps so it really comes down to your own situation.

    Sounds like with your work you've got an option to work from home and that's really good, you could get 2 kids done and then get back to work.

    I'm about to have my 2nd and my DS is just 3. we did IVF for both kids so there was no choosing of age gaps but for me this has worked out a great age gap (well until baby arrives!) . I had a tough pregnancy and a c section so I needed to give my body time to recover. I also wanted to extend breastfeeding so that meant IVF had to wait a bit longer.

    I've enjoyed having these foundation 3 years to just focus on DS. He was an easy baby in all things bar sleep, terrible sleeper but he was an extremely full on toddler. Once he could move he could escape everything, climbed out of the cot at 16 months, very hyper and had to watch him constantly and honestly I could not have had him plus a newborn. He took up every second of my energy.

    Now he's 3 he's still full on and a bolter but he's starting 3 year old preschool next year, he's a bit more independent and when baby arrives I'll be able to have some one on one time with him while DS is at preschool.

    I went back to work 2 days when DS was 13 months and that has been great too, meant I didn't have to stay out of the workforce too long and could build up mat leave etc. again for the next one. I would have found it tough being out of the workforce for too many years.

    For me, so far, I'm really liking a bigger gap but I never wanted babies close together. I was clucky again from the minute DS was born but im glad we waited. I can def see the advantages of having them close though, horses for courses.

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    turquoisecoast  (01-05-2016)

  9. #15
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    We're in a similar situation although we had to (and have to) do IVF.

    I was 36 last month, DS is almost 9 months. We're going back for our first transfer next month (June) with the hope that one of the 4 frozen embryos we have takes. That will give us an 18month to 2 year gap - hopefully.

    Personally I'd like my kids to be close, even if I were younger. And I don't think I'll want to go back to the baby phase once it's over.

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    turquoisecoast  (01-05-2016)

  11. #16
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    We were initially going to go for a 2 year gap but life got in the way and it's been put off for a while. DS is 20 months soon and I'm actually a little glad that I haven't been pregnant at this stage. He is a super full on toddler, very very busy and he needs a lot of stimulation. He gets bored so easily and is happy being out and about so we are out of the house most of the time except nap time. I think for us it would just be so hard to juggle his needs at the moment with that of a newborn or me being pregnant - my pregnancy with him sucked and while I know this doesn't mean it will next time, it does factor in to our decision. I'm also really enjoying my time with him uninterrupted by a newborn.

    Having a larger gap means that I have been able to go back to work and we can build a bigger house. This is actually really important as our house is small and feeling smaller by the day. I think I would go mad trying to have 2 bubs in this house and having an extended period of having to stay here becasue I couldn't go back to work. I am hoping that our build will be finished before the birth of the next one (we'll see but even if its a few months off as opposed to years that's ok). I've also got a new job somewhere with very very good maternity leave and I would like to work there long enough so I can utilise it.

    Just for my own sanity I also really need DS to be at least day TT before the second baby arrives.

    At the moment we are looking towards a 3 year age gap - I don't really want longer but that time is coming up quickly!

    What's good for us isn't necessarily good for others though - I know loads of people with a 2 year gap or less and love that too. Really depends on your own situation.

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    turquoisecoast  (01-05-2016)

  13. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by lileitak View Post
    We're in a similar situation although we had to (and have to) do IVF.

    I was 36 last month, DS is almost 9 months. We're going back for our first transfer next month (June) with the hope that one of the 4 frozen embryos we have takes. That will give us an 18month to 2 year gap - hopefully.

    Personally I'd like my kids to be close, even if I were younger. And I don't think I'll want to go back to the baby phase once it's over.
    I think that last sentence resonates with me too. like just the idea of getting through this all-consuming baby phase, only to then mentally get into the childcare/going back to work headspace, then to have to get back into the pregnancy/newborn space again. i feel like I've adapted to this baby pace of life, it's mundane and largely unexciting, but I don't especially want to go back to the work headspace then have to get back into the swing of things again for baby #2 again. in many ways, it's easier to just stay in this phase of life and finish having babies then go back to work.

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    ilex  (01-05-2016),Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (01-05-2016)

  15. #18
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    I had my children at 34, 35 and 37. My age was definitely a consideration but I also grew up with 3 very close siblings (7 years between the youngest and oldest). I really wanted this for my children because I'm still very close to my family as an adult and would hate for them to not have that.
    I also had three c-sections. The first was an emergency and others planned due to a number of medical factors - one being closeness of births.

    My two boys - 2 and 3 are best friends and do everything together. They also fight a lot but this goes with close interaction. They keep each other occupied so dealing with my little girl is so much easier.

    It is financially very restrictive have three at home or needing Childcare. I can't afford to put all three in five days a week so we have an au pair coming once I go back to work and I will definitely look into a continuous Demi pair arrangement as they get older. Daytime is easy, as are meals and even going to the park. Day sleeps are almost impossible and getting them to sleep at night is a two person job - but they all sleep well once they have fallen asleep.

    My work is very supportive and I don't carry any work over to the weekend so it works very well for us and I'm very glad we made this call. I still have two in nappies - waiting till after winter to toilet train my two year old so that may be tricky with three!

    Going out is only stressful because I think one of them might do something unpredictable but I have a double stroller and baby carrier so it is definitely doable and they are pretty good.

    It has been a whirlwind couple of years but great memories. Good luck with your decision, and whatever happens will work for your family.

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    turquoisecoast  (01-05-2016)

  17. #19
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    Hello! Congrats on your baby! My first 2 were 16 mths apart. My experience was that it was the hardest phase of my life... i know it depends on so many factors. My ds1 was a beautiful baby, but not an easy baby, after the newborn stage, which was beautiful! He was a really challenging toddler, and by then, i had ds2 as well. Honestly i found the first 2 to 3 years very challenging indeed! Overall, i say go for it now, you might find it a breeze, even if its not, you can enjoy the other benefits. I wouldn't discount using a day or 2 of daycare for yr eldest if you need it ☺. Could you go back part time even if you are pregnant with number 2? Thats what i did. Then had another 12 mths mat leave. Good luck with your decision!!

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    turquoisecoast  (01-05-2016)

  19. #20
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    I have a 20 month gap between 1 & 2 and a 16 month gap between 2 & 3, so DS3 was born 5 days before DS1 turned 3.

    I loved the 20 month gap. Found it very easy and DS1 although being high energy, was a fairly easy baby/toddler. Never any jealousy, DS1 adored his brother and was always very gentle - well until DS2 was old enough to take toys and fight back - then it was all in war.

    DS3 is 11 weeks and so far the 16 month gap has been more challenging however I think this is entirely dependent on DS2's personality rather than the gap. DS2 is into everything and he's learnt all the tricks from his big brother. He is 19 months and you honestly can't turn your back on him because he'll be standing on the kitchen table/toilet/anything he should be doing. He is loving towards DS3 but often thinks he likes playing like DS1 does and will hit him on the face, so you have to watch him constantly. I am also tandem BF Ds2&3 and it's honestly draining.

    Plus DS1 no longer has a day sleep, and talks. All. The. Time. I so miss the days when DS1&2 would both sleep for a couple of hours together over lunch, it was heaven and I reallllyyyy miss the downtime I used to get.

    But as I said before I started waffling - I think it's personality over age gap and honestly you won't know till your there. We fell pregnant when DS2 was 7 months old and he was a really cruisey baby, then he grew up a little and he was a nightmare but it was to late 😂

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    turquoisecoast  (01-05-2016)


 

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