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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    Thanks you all for your replies. I think I will look into counselling. I think we deserve it to the kids to see someone, I know I'm done but it can help us co-parent.

    The biggest probably is living arrangements. He won't leave the kids and neither will I. We both want to be with them all the time. He is a wonderful Father and he does deserve that but our relationship is completely over in my eyes.
    Sorry to hear about your heartache.

    But I have friends who live in a house with a granny flat attached. Mum is in the house with kids. Dad is in granny flat. Kids get access to both parents and it's definitely 50/50 parenting.

    But it has to be an amicable split.

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  3. #12
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    I'm sorry that you're struggling with your current situation. I'm not really sure I feel comfortable telling you what to do because it's your life and your children's lives and it's a very personal decision. I can only say what I would do. Right or wrong I would probably stay and make the best of the situation. You don't have to be unhappy because you don't need your husband to make you happy or give you permission to be happy. Just be happy. I would just do things that make me happy and go about my life. I would co-exist with my husband because it's hard doing it alone and I would feel like I would never find anyone who loves my children as much. And I would stay for my children's happiness and that would add to my happiness. But I don't need a lot to make me happy. I'm happy just being, and cooking, catching up with friends and taking a walk and having a bath. Loving my husband is not any part of my fundamental happiness. It's nice but I don't need or rely on it for my happiness. Marriage is important business, it's not about being happy all the time. What would make me more unhappy is breaking up my family, not being able to see my son every day, tuck him in every night. That would be unhappiness. So I would stay.

    That's what I would do, that's not what you should do. Everybody is different. I guess maybe you should consider what it is you want your life to be and will breaking up your marriage get you there? What makes you happy? I'm not saying you should remain unhappy like a martyr. You need to find happiness and I hope you do.

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeaM View Post
    I'm sorry that you're struggling with your current situation. I'm not really sure I feel comfortable telling you what to do because it's your life and your children's lives and it's a very personal decision. I can only say what I would do. Right or wrong I would probably stay and make the best of the situation. You don't have to be unhappy because you don't need your husband to make you happy or give you permission to be happy. Just be happy. I would just do things that make me happy and go about my life. I would co-exist with my husband because it's hard doing it alone and I would feel like I would never find anyone who loves my children as much. And I would stay for my children's happiness and that would add to my happiness. But I don't need a lot to make me happy. I'm happy just being, and cooking, catching up with friends and taking a walk and having a bath. Loving my husband is not any part of my fundamental happiness. It's nice but I don't need or rely on it for my happiness. Marriage is important business, it's not about being happy all the time. What would make me more unhappy is breaking up my family, not being able to see my son every day, tuck him in every night. That would be unhappiness. So I would stay.

    That's what I would do, that's not what you should do. Everybody is different. I guess maybe you should consider what it is you want your life to be and will breaking up your marriage get you there? What makes you happy? I'm not saying you should remain unhappy like a martyr. You need to find happiness and I hope you do.
    I actually agree with this statement somewhat and what others have said. Have a think about what breaking up actually means for YOU. I wouldn't worry about your other half at this point in time as sometimes we have to be selfish so that we can be happy. I don't neccessarily agree with staying with someone for the kids sake.. in fact I think kids can hate/resent that in the long run especially if it's shown. I do agree with the fact that you need to think about whether you're going to be happy being away from the kids somewhat... he is going to be entitled to acccess to the kids/ overnight/weekend visits. You are going to face not being with them/seeing them every day.

    Like another person suggested maybe separating but staying under one roof? I think Centrelink can have problems if that's a long term solution though from what I've been told from others (you'd have to talk to Centrelink yourself to find out the actual facts because I haven't been through this myself). It's a very personal decision that only you can make with having all the information out there available to you.

    Good luck and I hope that you can come up with a reasonable solution to your problems xxx

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  7. #14
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    I believe it's important to seek counseling individually too. I did this and it was SO helpful in deciding what to do. I had a mental health plan from a GP as i was under stress. I didn't need to have depression or anxiety or other illnesses to qualify. I then chose to use a psychologist, not a counsellor. I really thought I'd been thru every option and thought of absolutely everything possible already so i was pretty cynical going in to talk to someone but i was so surprised how helpful it was in my decision making process. The outcome could go one way or another for your relationship but good counseling helps you to be solid in your decision and know that you have done everything you can. It's surprising how it becomes really obvious what to do as you go a few times. It seems to unfold in an obvious way.

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