I've got a bit of a case of the mummy guilts so just venting it here a bit.
I've been looking into starting a new career and hubby is being very supportive and everything but I just don't know if it's the right thing to do.
Training will involve me doing a mix of on campus training in Sydney and field training (not sure where yet) but Sydney is currently 10 hours from me and it's all very dependant on where the field training is.
While it's not ideal, it's doable. We would just have to find out where I am able to do the field training, to decide when I can go for the job. If I can get it somewhere within say 5 hours from here, I will be alright, as it's 12 hour shifts so I can still come home and see my babies as you get big chunks of day off. If it's nowhere nearby, I will have to look at doing the course once we move in about 5 years time (we were already planning to do so).
But then I start feeling guilty. I am the little stay home mum that does things like canteen and market stalls. I'm home in the afternoons for homework and afternoon tea. If I get a job, that kind of goes away. I could potentially be dragging the family halfway across the state for a job. I don't know how holidays will work and one of my children, my 4yo son, has autism so there are his appointments to think of. Hubby has said that if I score a fulltime job near somewhere he can transfer to (both would be state government and I know they do make some allowances for married couples) he has said he will happily work casual or part time so we don't have to use daycare or anything. I just don't know what to do. I was always going to be the Mum thats always around. Me taking on a reasonably demanding career will change that. We discussed me waiting instead, til the kids are older, but 40+ seems so late to be just starting a career. I just feel like I am being selfish by choosing to go down this route.
On top of that, we are currently trying for another baby, (current children are 6, 4, 3, 2) which I think might be silly if I am just going to up and do this anyway. I wouldn't apply til after this potential bubs comes along.