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  1. #1
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    Default A place to freak out about IVF

    So I am 35 with two beautiful kids. A full on 5 and a half year old, and an adorable nearly 4 year old. My DH and I have had a rough 2 years with miscarriage, misunderstanding, and alcohol dependency. But we've come good in the last 6 months and have decided to TTC a much longed for 3rd child. No luck to date, so I trotted off to a FS. He couldn't find any obvious reasons for our "secondary infertility". So he's offered us 3 cycles of ovulation tracking, and then said if we are not pregnant by August he would recommend IVF.

    I'm a bit (ok, a lot) shell-shocked by the recommendation. I want another baby, but I am terrified of the emotional toll of IVF, especially after a tough couple of years. How can I put us through this when we already have 2 children. I know that a lot of people would say that I am being greedy. I feel like that myself sometimes. I am very confused about what to do next. I don't have anyone outside my marriage to talk to about this and I feel like I'm responsible for the situation (as in I know DH will go along with whatever I decide.) I feel very scared about the future...

    Sorry for the data-dump. If anyone has any been in a similar situation and has some advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to Happy Camper For This Useful Post:

    tam82  (18-05-2016)

  3. #2
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    I think ttc is a huge emotional toll. Ivf or not. We have been ttc for 2 years and doing Ivf now. We have a son already no ivf for him but now all of a sudden I have fertility issues. I would jump to getting help to fall pregnant. We have taken so long to get to ivf I wish we would have just don't it first.

    If your dh can understand that on meds you may be an angry emotional up and down crazy person and accepts that then it will help your journey with ivf so much more. He can take what u say with a grain of salt during a cycle. dh has learnt not to get fired up back at me because it just makes it worse..

    Good luck!!

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    Happy Camper  (30-04-2016),tam82  (18-05-2016)

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    So I've investigated further and it turns out that our health insurance won't cover IVF. An upgrade will cost an extra $300 a month and we have to wait the full 12 month waiting period before anything is covered. A quick sum on the back of the envelope shows how financially draining this will be just when we are also planning for my DH to take a significant pay decrease to improve our home/work balance in July. I've looked at this a couple of ways and all I can see is that logically we cannot afford IVF... If I save like crazy, we compromise on not going on our first family trip for 4 years which I'd planned for Christmas, then maybe we can afford one go of IVF. One chance. All our hopes and dreams on one cycle of IVF. And the children we already have spend another year at home for Christmas. We battle financial and emotional stress, put up with physical discomfort, compromise what my children have, on one cycle of IVF. That's a huge call.

    I don't know what to do. I don't know what I even want from writing this down here. Maybe to make myself see the reality of what we're doing. What I'm doing to my family... will my heart even listen??

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    Health insurance for ivf only helps for the egg pick up if done under ga, if awake in rooms no benefit there, ( about 1600 mine paid for pick up day) the rest is Medicare. The biggest benefit is if u hyper stimulate and need to go into hosp u can go into the private hosp where ur fs works, rather than public, the public hosps don't have as much experience with hyperstim, as the privates linked to an ivf clinic. U could consider the upgrade and start anyway if it also gives u the option of private birth. U don't have to wait 12 mths for preg, it's 3-4 sort of, Coz once the 12 mths is up, if ur 8 mths preg then u can deliver privately! Doesn't actually mean can't conceive for 12 mths..... Just thoughts, but personally I have 1 Ivf baby, I went ok but wouldn't risk it again for a second if I had to stim.

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    Do you have the info on how much Medicare rebate to you for an IVF cycle? It is quite a bit and once you've done one cycle you'll hit the Medicare safety net and the next cycle is cheaper.

    In saying that, we did 2 stim cycles and only got to do one transfer (got no embryos from our first cycle) and we're out of pocket about 10k. (We have PHI)

    The unfortunate reality is most people don't have success on their first cycle. The first cycle is almost like a test run to see how your body reacts, whether you're going to need ICSI etc. some people do get lucky on their first go, but most don't. It takes 3 cycles on average to have success. We have been successful in our second cycle and I count us as one of the very lucky ones.

    I'm not saying this to discourage or upset you, but just to give you a realistic view.

    I know how hard the decision is when it comes to the finances.

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    tam82  (18-05-2016)

  9. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Camper View Post
    So I am 35 with two beautiful kids. A full on 5 and a half year old, and an adorable nearly 4 year old. My DH and I have had a rough 2 years with miscarriage, misunderstanding, and alcohol dependency. But we've come good in the last 6 months and have decided to TTC a much longed for 3rd child. No luck to date, so I trotted off to a FS. He couldn't find any obvious reasons for our "secondary infertility". So he's offered us 3 cycles of ovulation tracking, and then said if we are not pregnant by August he would recommend IVF.

    I'm a bit (ok, a lot) shell-shocked by the recommendation. I want another baby, but I am terrified of the emotional toll of IVF, especially after a tough couple of years. How can I put us through this when we already have 2 children. I know that a lot of people would say that I am being greedy. I feel like that myself sometimes. I am very confused about what to do next. I don't have anyone outside my marriage to talk to about this and I feel like I'm responsible for the situation (as in I know DH will go along with whatever I decide.) I feel very scared about the future...

    Sorry for the data-dump. If anyone has any been in a similar situation and has some advice, it would be greatly appreciated.
    Hi happy, so refreshing to find someone in a similar situation to me, I have 2 children (from previous) have never had an issue with fertility fell pregnant literally straight away. Have had a blighted ovum last pregnancy with DH last October and haven't been able to conceive since.

    I also have no one to talk to at all about ivf etc and wished I'd reached out so much earlier as it would have saved my sanity!

    I'm starting ivf this month and start the needles next Wednesday. Don't let go of the hope you have in your heart each month, thankfully we have the opportunity of ivf and fertility drugs etc.

    How are you going so far?

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    Just wanted to drop my 2 cents worth in if that's ok? We have just gone through our IVF/ICSI cycle through Primary IVF and found out today that we have been successful! Primary were almost entirely bulk billed, I paid $60 for AMH Test, $600 day fee for hospital and $153 for medications...that's it! They are based in Sydney and Melbourne. I know I've been extremely lucky, not only in getting a positive result first round, but also in that I wasn't affected by the drugs emotionally at all. There are other low cost IVF Clinics too which are dramatically cheaper than the big guns like Monash etc.... Just something to keep in mind if the financial burden is a big factor in your thought process. I wish you all the very best of luck 😊

  11. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by tam82 View Post
    Hi happy, so refreshing to find someone in a similar situation to me, I have 2 children (from previous) have never had an issue with fertility fell pregnant literally straight away. Have had a blighted ovum last pregnancy with DH last October and haven't been able to conceive since.

    I also have no one to talk to at all about ivf etc and wished I'd reached out so much earlier as it would have saved my sanity!

    I'm starting ivf this month and start the needles next Wednesday. Don't let go of the hope you have in your heart each month, thankfully we have the opportunity of ivf and fertility drugs etc.

    How are you going so far?
    Hi tam, sorry to hear that you are going through IVF. FX though. I hope it goes well for you and you get a BFP quickly. It's so hard to explain to people the pain of infertility when you already have kids. I feel very judged, as if I should "just be thankful for what I've got". I judge myself that harshly too sometimes.

    Thanks for asking how I'm going. I'm in a place of limbo ATM. I am a week late... I got a BFP a couple of days ago. But it's freaking me out. I am terrified that I'm going to miscarry at any moment. I'm not enjoying it at all. In fact it almost feels worse than the disappointment of getting a BFN because now there really is something to lose, not just a hope. My FS has been fantastic. Follow up blood tests organised to monitor my HCG, early scans and lots of reassurance that I can call him whenever. I just wish I could feel that joyful relief that I am UTD. But a miscarriage in 2014 and a rotten 12 months following have sucked the joy out of this time.

  12. #9
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    My second child is an IVF baby. We did 3 rounds and needed to use PICSI. All were full stim cycles as our embryos were generally poor quality. The meds didn't mess with me at all for the first 2 rounds but I was pretty emotional the third time around. But I think that's when I started to realize that we could be in for a long journey so I don't think it was just the meds making me emotional.

    As far as cost, we were out of pocket approx $1500 per cycle, that's with PHI covering the day surgery hospital fee. Medicare paid about $6000 per cycle. I know IVF can be expensive, but if you shop around you can save a lot. There are clinics that are quite cheap, and others that are crazy expensive. The other thing to consider, and I don't mean to offend, is that if IVF is a huge financial burden and you have to sacrifice a lot to pay for even one cycle, the cost of having a baby may prove a huge strain (maternity leave, nappies, all those extra costs as bub grows). If you've had a tough few years, are you confident that your relationship is solid enough to carry the financial pressure?

    Of course, money isn't everything and a child will always be worth the sacrifices, and it's incredibly hard to make this sort of decision based on practical considerations alone.


 

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