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  1. #1
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    Default Shared care and illness

    Just wondering, if your child is sick, do they still go to stay with your ex if it coincides with their weekend?

    My DD has had what appears to be gastro this week, plus a cold. She caught it off DP (most likely) and my DS also got it. I texted FOB to tell him and we mutually agreed that she was better off staying here with me. This means it'll be a month in between visits because we prefer to have all our kids synchronised so that they're all here at once and we get a kid free weekend every fortnight.

    A tiny part of me thinks that FOB should also care for her when she's sick, why should it only be me? But then as her mother I also prefer to be the one to look after her when she's sick.

    My DP doesn't like FOB and reckons he tries to get out of having DD at every chance. FOB has occasionally cancelled his weekends with DD to go camping....which DP and I think is appalling behaviour. DP has been divorced from his exW since 2009 and has NOT ONCE, never EVER cancelled his weekends with his 3 boys. He would never ever choose anything else over his time with them. Hence why he has little respect for FOB.

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    We don't generally change custody arrangements because DF's boys are sick. We have looked after them when they were sick during the week and meant to be at their mum's because DF was at home and it saved her having to take time off work.

    We have however changed custody arrangements so we could go away for the weekend or out for a special dinner. The boys' mum does it too. We use each other as a sort of free babysitter. However, they are both pretty causal about custody stuff - I don't think that's the norm for most.

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    I tend to look at along the lines of "how sick is the child and is it fair on them to be moved?"

    So, for a cold, sneezing, sniffling yes I still send them.

    Fever, vomiting, unable to get out of bed no.

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    We don't usually, that said I don't think they have had gastro when it has been time to go to their fathers.

    They have gone if they have had colds or a virus, that sort of thing. Gastro I reckon their father would say no.

    Yesterday DD11 hurt her arm at school sport (doing a handstand and didn't tell anyone) for which she needed and x-ray. He could have taken her, but he said no I'll get them tomorrow (this morning).

    Both DDs don't like going to his house when they are sick as he tells them to 'suck it up', or 'do you need concrete shoes so you can harden the f*** up'.

    I guess it depends on the situation really.

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    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 01-05-2016 at 07:35.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
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    Oh. I didn't even get to read it :/

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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    I tend to look at along the lines of "how sick is the child and is it fair on them to be moved?"

    So, for a cold, sneezing, sniffling yes I still send them.

    Fever, vomiting, unable to get out of bed no.
    Yes, this.
    Although I'm not sure that this has ever happened to us tbh (sick enough to cancel I mean). My kids are rarely sick. I have sent them if they've vomited the night prior, and I have sent them if they are nauseated. And for colds etc of course.

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    My DD1 refuses to go to her dad's if she is sick.

    A couple of times he has had her and she has become sick. He will not take her to the dr or even go to the chemist unless i really push him so i totally understand why she'd rather stay home.

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    We don't send her, but FOB has a 2yo and prefers her not to get sick. He has fortnightly visitation but mostly only sees her every 1.5-2 months or so anyway - we just don't hear from him. He will use any opportunity to miss a visit too, but I prefer DD with me when she's sick!

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    Late response as I only read BH occasionally - I always send sick kids over on schedule and receive them as its only a few kms. It ensures we don't get work clashes as we both work part time when we don't have kids.

    However, have sometimes asked ex to keep kids past handover date to me when my step daughter or son with my new partner has gastro to avoid spreading it.....


 

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