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  1. #41
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    My (ex to be) husband went to the US for his friend's wedding a fortnight before the due date of our daughter for 10 days.....
    "If anything starts happening, I'll be on the next flight back"
    😏
    Can't say I was impressed

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I'm just speaking for me here (which is what the OP is asking for) it wouldn't even be about coping or not coping. I have 3 kids. I could cope without DH, I do all the night feeds as he not only works but drives long distances for work. But why should I have to so he can go for a week long drunk fest costing his family thousands!

    I think as women we are conditioned to expect little and have low expectations of our partners. Bc they are men! *taps their heads condescendingly* And we wonder why they walk all over us and have this inflated sense of self entitlement....

    Sorry OP That was more a general rant
    This is me. I can cope. I do cope. Dh goes away for work. I won't put myself through that for dh to have a party/holiday. I certainly wouldn't agree to that much money being spent on a silly buck night/week. Hell that would almost pay 1 term for 3 of 4 kids private schooling.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 30-04-2016 at 21:21.

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I'm just speaking for me here (which is what the OP is asking for) it wouldn't even be about coping or not coping. I have 3 kids. I could cope without DH, I do all the night feeds as he not only works but drives long distances for work. But why should I have to so he can go for a week long drunk fest costing his family thousands!

    I think as women we are conditioned to expect little and have low expectations of our partners. Bc they are men! *taps their heads condescendingly* And we wonder why they walk all over us and have this inflated sense of self entitlement....

    Sorry OP That was more a general rant
    I totally agree with this! We have a few friends where it's totally acceptable for the DH to go out of the lash/go away on stag dos etc etc - it tends to be where the DH works and the mum is at home, that's a major generalisation I know, but seems to be the case with the people we know. That doesn't fly in our house. DH is really not one for going out all that frequently and I was genuinely surprised when he even brought up this stag. I guess he'd just really like to go but it's not going to be practical.
    To clarify the $2k estimate was mine, the discussion didn't even get to that pony between us, we basically argued about the idea of going!

    I also don't think I would cope at all on my own with dd and a newborn, I'd find myself at the bottom of a bottle of wine!

  4. #44
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    OP - is this his best mate?

  5. #45
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    [QUOTE=delirium;8468028]I find it interesting how society is always so accommodating of fathers to ensure they get their boys weekends, and bucks nights and room to adjust to having a family. But honestly.... how many of us would respond saying that days or weeks after the birth of our child we were leaving the newborn home on formula to go for a full week to NZ on a Hen's p*ss up? But somehow expecting our husbands to be around to help with a days or weeks old baby is high maintenance? I know no one has used those words, but certainly I think this thread highlights my point of double standards.
    QUOTE]

    YES!!! Like I was saying earlier.... He can't go. Not because you say so but because HE has a newborn that needs caring for. HE has a toddler that is in the middle of major life changes (new sibling is always an intense time) and HE has a wife who has just undergone a major physical and emotional event. This is his life. He has shiz going on and he can't just put it on hold to go have a good time. Sorry dude but welcome to reality!

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to RedCreamingSoda For This Useful Post:

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  7. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    This is me. I can cope. I do cope. Dh goes away for work. I won't put myself through that for dh to have a party/holiday. I certainly wouldn't agree to that much money being spent on a silly buck night/week. Hell that would almost pay 1 term for 3 of 4 kids schooling.
    DH travels for work often, as do I. We both manage fine with dd and at some point we'll each have to cope with two but not when Bub is less than 3mths, for that length of time. One night sure but not 3+.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    OP - is this his best mate?
    No it's not his best mate but def a close mate.
    If it was his best mate it wouldn't be an issue as DH would be planner.

    The stag is 6 mths from the actual wedding so if it DHs attendance was a major deal to the stag it could be planned for a more convenient time right?? Not suggesting that it should be planned around my DH at all, but hopefully you get my point.

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  10. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkTutu View Post
    No it's not his best mate but def a close mate.
    If it was his best mate it wouldn't be an issue as DH would be planner.

    The stag is 6 mths from the actual wedding so if it DHs attendance was a major deal to the stag it could be planned for a more convenient time right?? Not suggesting that it should be planned around my DH at all, but hopefully you get my point.
    Then they can definitely plan it later.

  11. #49
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    If it were me and he really wanted to go, we'd have to sit down and nut out if it was feasible which it very well may not be.

    If I had my mum to help me and if it was def after the baby arrived i'd prob be ok considering 5 days but he'd have to help put any help I needed in place and also realise that there was a chance it would all have to be cancelled at the last minute if it didn't work out.

    Thing is you can't predict how things will go, if you have a c section you can't drive or pick up your toddler which makes it harder. You could have a complication and need more recovery time. So you really can't know how you'll be feeling post birth. You could also be feeling ok and might be fine for him to go with your families help, you just can't predict.

    Also totally ok to just flat out say no, that you won't cope, doesn't make you any less capable as a mother. It's a pretty big ask from him.

  12. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkTutu View Post
    No it's not his best mate but def a close mate.
    If it was his best mate it wouldn't be an issue as DH would be planner.

    The stag is 6 mths from the actual wedding so if it DHs attendance was a major deal to the stag it could be planned for a more convenient time right?? Not suggesting that it should be planned around my DH at all, but hopefully you get my point.
    6 months from the actual wedding ? That's is really weird, these things normally happen a couple weeks prior not 6 months and whose to say "if" he did go that a few months down the the tract they decided to plan another one locally.


 

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