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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    OK it sounds more like he is having a crisis. My Dh went thru that too when we went from 1-2. He decided to open a gym and I'd run a gym creche. WTF?!?!?

    But after letting him plan and talk about it he realised it was completely unfeasible.

    Sounds like your hubby is having a brain fart moment.
    Lol that made me laugh!!

    Just told DH to research the bike and how much it costs, suddenly a wend in NZ is looking cheap!

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by binnielici View Post
    I would say I wasn't comfortable with it because things happen - things you don't plan. I had an easy natural birth with DS1. Fully expected the same with DS2 - cue PROM, failed induction and emergency c-sect, blood loss and a very difficult recovery.

    An overnight not to far away wouldn't bother me but 5 nights overseas, not for me.
    That's a really good point, I guess he's assume everything will be much as it was with dd, straightforward natural birth and back on my feet within a couple of days. Dd was also a super easy baby, no guarantee we'll get another one of them!

  3. #33
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    The main issue, everything aside, is even if you were ok with him going, he can't plan it till the baby comes. Which could be a week before the trip. Given the baby could be CS or late he can't agree to anything until the baby is here and he knows you are coping ok.

    Holidays planned at the last minute usually aren't cheap. So 2k might be a conservative estimate.

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  5. #34
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    I'd say no. It's his baby as well as yours. You'll have done the hard yards for 9 months, after the birth is when dad steps up, particularly with an older child. It's not like you could just nip over to NZ for a hen's.

    Plus, your older child is going to be confused about pretty much their whole life because of the baby. Having dad disappear for a few days as well isn't going to help.

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  7. #35
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    If he's having a bit of a freak-out, maybe there are some things you guys can do to soften the blow? Like instead of a hard 'no' to the stag do, maybe suggest that he takes the groom away for an overnight thing separately earlier in the year - a fishing/camping trip, a night out in the city, golfing weekend (whatever they're in to). That way he gets away with the boys and shows his mate he cares, but it's well before your due date and not as expensive as an overseas holiday.

    On the flip side, he should also offer you some help with the transition - firstly by being as available as possible in those early weeks/months!

    There are too many 'what ifs' for me, both my kids had issues in the first few months including a hospital stay for DS at 3wks old. Unless travel is unavoidable for work reasons or family emergencies, he should be staying home. Having kids is a major thing, and some other things have to give. That's life. Can't have it all, not all at once.

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  9. #36
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    Default Stag do... WWYD/Say

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkTutu View Post
    This really resonated with me! On some level maybe he's just trying to convince himself that nothing will change with #2 but reality is dd is 4 and life is pretty cruisey for us in all aspects, and that's gonna change at least in the short term when this baby comes along.

    We've moved on from the stag do argument, for the time being at least. Now he just tells me he wants to buy a bike. Like a proper Lycra wearing cyclist bike 😂 um ok dude, since when?! Where is my husband and what have you done with him 🤔
    I haven't read all the replies but this update jumped out at me. This reminds me of a phase my dh went through at the start of this year. He suddenly wanted to go out drinking on weekends, he joined a gym, and he announced he wanted to get a tattoo of dd's face! It was all ridiculously out of character and I'm so glad it's past now (with no tattoo in sight). I think looking back he just wasn't coping with all that comes with being a parent. It was a rough month to ride out.

    Perhaps your dh is going through something similar?

    Eta- just realised I didn't answer your original question. No way would I be okay with the stag trip. If the tables were reversed would he be okay with you going?
    Last edited by BettyV; 30-04-2016 at 20:55.

  10. #37
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    I find it interesting how society is always so accommodating of fathers to ensure they get their boys weekends, and bucks nights and room to adjust to having a family. But honestly.... how many of us would respond saying that days or weeks after the birth of our child we were leaving the newborn home on formula to go for a full week to NZ on a Hen's p*ss up? But somehow expecting our husbands to be around to help with a days or weeks old baby is high maintenance? I know no one has used those words, but certainly I think this thread highlights my point of double standards.

    No I wouldn't be ok with this on several levels. Firstly he should be helping with his baby. Second 2k? And let me almost guarantee you OP he's deliberately underestimating to convince you. I would say more like 3k. And I'm not some ball-breaker with my DH. Right this very moment my DH is partying with his friends gone until tomorrow while I'm home with the kids....

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  12. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    Of course I'm applying my situation. I've been there flying solo with newborns and toddlers (plus preschooler). You manage. It's not the end of the world.
    .
    Not everyone is like you and not everyone can manage. We are all different and find different things challenging. I'm sure you've found some aspects of parenting difficult that others on here have found easy . We need to accept that others find different things challenging and thats ok. We shouldn't dismiss others concerns with 'it's not the end of the world' style comments.

    Op: I think a hubby going Overseas for 5 nights for a ****up when he has a newborn would be a bloody selfish thing to do. For me looking after a toddler and newborn by myself may not be the end of the world it probably would be hell on earth! (for me).

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  14. #39
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    Default Stag do... WWYD/Say

    I wouldn't cope with a newborn and a toddler. Not at all. We have a rule in our house no travel 2 weeks before due date and 6 weeks after baby arrives. My son had dreadful reflux as a baby. DH had to travel overseas when he was 8 weeks old and I got my MIL to come and help while he was away. I couldn't have coped with no sleep, a 2 year old and a 5 year old. No chance.

    I am very good at doing lots of things alone with a newborn and older kids. I do school stuff alone and meals, baths etc. But in those early days I need to know someone is coming home to help me stay sane. And to just give me some breathing space.

  15. #40
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    I'm just speaking for me here (which is what the OP is asking for) it wouldn't even be about coping or not coping. I have 3 kids. I could cope without DH, I do all the night feeds as he not only works but drives long distances for work. But why should I have to so he can go for a week long drunk fest costing his family thousands!

    I think as women we are conditioned to expect little and have low expectations of our partners. Bc they are men! *taps their heads condescendingly* And we wonder why they walk all over us and have this inflated sense of self entitlement....

    Sorry OP That was more a general rant

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