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  1. #61
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    That is such a late bedtime. But that aside...your kids bio dad is not in the picture, and their step dad is a bully and treats them different to his biological child. Sorry to be harsh, but I think you need to take off the rose coloured glasses and realise that the fact he spends time with them doesn't make up for this behaviour.
    Your poor kids. It's time to take serious action. He needs to cut it out or you need to leave, for the sake of your kids.

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    gingermillie  (03-05-2016)

  3. #62
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    My nearly 12 year old has a 9.15 pm lights out bed time on week days bc she gets cranky and her school work suffers any later.

    I suspect the kids are really tired. I would also think getting up so late every day means you are really only getting half home schooling days? IMHO if you are going to home school you need to do it properly or they will get further behind.

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    VicPark  (04-05-2016)

  5. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I agree. My husband and I have 3 kids together (no step children for either of us) and our kids are 7, 5, 3 and my 7 and 5 year old are in bed by 8pm at the latest. The 3 year old goes to bed between 6:30-7:30, depending on how tired she is. It is our down time. We don't have any family around to help and this is often the only time we have alone together. I think it is so important in a relationship to have even just 10 minutes a day to be in each other's company without anybody else.
    Agree. While we are child centred in our home, we make an effort to get some time together in the evenings. It could be just a bath and a chat, watch a show.

  6. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    My nearly 12 year old has a 9.15 pm lights out bed time on week days bc she gets cranky and her school work suffers any later.

    I suspect the kids are really tired. I would also think getting up so late every day means you are really only getting half home schooling days? IMHO if you are going to home school you need to do it properly or they will get further behind.
    How do you know the OP is not doing it properly? The beauty of homeschooling is fitting it around your lifestyle. There are plenty of hours in the day leftover. The OP's children are getting 9-10 hours of sleep it's just not at the socially acceptable times.

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    BornToBe  (03-05-2016),Renn  (03-05-2016)

  8. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    My nearly 12 year old has a 9.15 pm lights out bed time on week days bc she gets cranky and her school work suffers any later.

    I suspect the kids are really tired. I would also think getting up so late every day means you are really only getting half home schooling days? IMHO if you are going to home school you need to do it properly or they will get further behind.
    I'm pretty sure the op says they unschool.
    But the bed time wouldn't necessarily effect school work when they work so late. It just means there is no downtime for the op and her partner...which is an issue...but I'm more concerned that there's a stepdad bullying his step children and refusing to acknowledge it.

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    just her chameleon  (03-05-2016)

  10. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    It's not just yelling, it's the fact he doesn't acknowledge anyone else's feelings or opinions. He's right and we're wrong. If he says something (even if he doesn't mean it-he says the wrong thing) that hurts the kids and they get upset, I'll say " you hurt their feelings" he'll say "oh I didn't mean to say that" " yeah but you still hurt their feelings" but we just argue because he thinks oh well I didn't mean it and they need to get over it..
    Instead of just saying sorry and realising what he did.
    He thinks I'm always ganging up on him with the kids.
    He went away last week for 4 days and my daughter said " when is it mums turn to go away?" And he says " well I'm not looking after you and putting up with you"

    He's got this whole " kids should be seen and not heard" issue going on.

    I’m going to go against the grain here.

    To a certain extent, I think you guys are ganging up on him.

    You say that the kids have been going to bed at 11 even before your partner arrived on the scene. He’s not allowed to discipline the way he thinks is necessary. He gets questioned on why he can go for a weekend away and why you can’t. So what decisions is he actually allowed to make?

    I think if my family kept telling me I was wrong, I’d feel pretty cranky too!

    You may not like the way he disciplines, and maybe you’re entitled to feel that way. But maybe he’s entitled to feel his way as well.
    He is part of the family too and the only ‘father figure’ that your kids have. And if you want it to stay that way, then you need to find common ground, rather than tell him he is constantly wrong.

    So he says things like ‘the good behaviour wont last’. Ok – that’s not a nice thing to say. Start with that one.

    Other than the 2 year old, your kids are old enough to understand that they need to listen to both parents, irrespective of their parenting style (with the exception of smacking).

    I’ve done the counselling thing. I went in feeling like ‘the counsellor needs to make dh understand he is wrong’. I walked out with ‘we both need to make concessions here’. And it worked. It wouldn’t have worked if the counsellor dismissed one person’s opinion.

    No parent is perfect. Stop questioning everything he does and perhaps he may change too.

  11. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    I’m going to go against the grain here.

    To a certain extent, I think you guys are ganging up on him.

    You say that the kids have been going to bed at 11 even before your partner arrived on the scene. He’s not allowed to discipline the way he thinks is necessary. He gets questioned on why he can go for a weekend away and why you can’t. So what decisions is he actually allowed to make?

    I think if my family kept telling me I was wrong, I’d feel pretty cranky too!

    You may not like the way he disciplines, and maybe you’re entitled to feel that way. But maybe he’s entitled to feel his way as well.
    He is part of the family too and the only ‘father figure’ that your kids have. And if you want it to stay that way, then you need to find common ground, rather than tell him he is constantly wrong.

    So he says things like ‘the good behaviour wont last’. Ok – that’s not a nice thing to say. Start with that one.

    Other than the 2 year old, your kids are old enough to understand that they need to listen to both parents, irrespective of their parenting style (with the exception of smacking).

    I’ve done the counselling thing. I went in feeling like ‘the counsellor needs to make dh understand he is wrong’. I walked out with ‘we both need to make concessions here’. And it worked. It wouldn’t have worked if the counsellor dismissed one person’s opinion.

    No parent is perfect. Stop questioning everything he does and perhaps he may change too.
    Hey I appreciate your honesty.
    I honestly don't mean to sound critersizing. I really do understand what you mean about coming to some sort of agreement and not making him feel this way. I just don't know how to go about it.
    Like I said earlier there are times I do back him up when he isn't yelling but I don't agree on kids being shouted at all the time and I hsve to draw the line.

  12. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Agree. While we are child centred in our home, we make an effort to get some time together in the evenings. It could be just a bath and a chat, watch a show.
    We get plenty of time together.
    1. When kids go to co-op school
    2. When they go to church kids club
    3. When they stay at friends houses
    4. When partners parents babysit one night a month (and the occasional overnight stay)
    5. When they're busy playing outside or in their rooms

  13. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by just her chameleon View Post
    How do you know the OP is not doing it properly? The beauty of homeschooling is fitting it around your lifestyle. There are plenty of hours in the day leftover. The OP's children are getting 9-10 hours of sleep it's just not at the socially acceptable times.
    Yes! Thankyou! We unschool for the younger ones and relaxed homeschooling for the older one. When she does her work I don't force her at 9-3 to sit down and hsve a schedule like at school. We do what works. Most of the time the older one would rather do work ( say maths, english) at night anyway.
    Theres lots of styles of homeschooling not just " school at home."
    And yes they get plenty of sleep too, including ( if they want) naps. Our lifestyle might be against the norm, it might not be main****** but it works. Well obviously there are things between me and dp we need to work on.

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  15. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    We get plenty of time together.
    1. When kids go to co-op school
    2. When they go to church kids club
    3. When they stay at friends houses
    4. When partners parents babysit one night a month (and the occasional overnight stay)
    5. When they're busy playing outside or in their rooms
    Also when they go in their rooms around 9:30/10 we have that down time together too. Watch TV, talk, sex/intimacy...


 

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