Can I ask how old your kids are? I am wondering whether some of your kids are old enough to sit with you both and work out some house rules.
And with the rules there are consequences. And adukts (to an extent) also need to follow rules like 'no yelling/swearing' etc etc.
This way there may be more consistency. And anything more serious/outside the rules need a consequence/punishment that is agreed on by both of you.
Kids and I just wrote down some rules about respect, no yelling etc.
he wasn't interested. He just thought we were attacking him.
How did he parent your kids before the shared child was born? Is he like this with that child too or just the ones that aren't biologically his? I guess I'm wondering if this is to do with parenting style or some kind of issue he has with your kids....
I wouldn't give my husband an opportunity to negotiate rules. There is no negotiation when it comes to yelling at my kids. Not on. My way or the highway. He needs to know this is coming from you as the protector of your children.
Of course everyone slips sometimes and raises their voices. There's a difference though between the occasional slip up and a consistent effort to belittle and demean someone by yelling at them.
He does treat my kids different. Youngest is only just turned 2 but he did say if he was to act up when he's older he would " boot him up the ****" I don't think he meant literally though. There's definentally favouritism going on, and even favouritism going on within my kids. The younger too are "handfuls"
I'm too scared to tell him anything eg if they have been playing up and I need to vent or need help ( but him not yelling, being a negative ****).
I'm trying to change my parenting ways into a more peaceful, positive one but it's not easy.
My DP is not my DDs Dad. He doesn't discipline my children, he re-directs at most. There are times he short with them, but he doesn't yell or 'tell them off'.
They have a father who talks to them like your DH, so DP and I made a decision that he wouldn't discipline them.
There are times he asks them to stop fighting, but he never yells or puts them down.
I personally wouldn't put up with someone treating my children like that. I guess you need to get him to understand you won't allow him to treat your children like that. He is the adult and should provide a positive adult role model and he is not doing that.
ETA would he go to a class like Triple P Parenting? Or counselling with a counsellor that specialises in parenting.
Last edited by PomPoms; 01-05-2016 at 18:11.
He has days when he's ok with them, let's things go, talks to them calmly (but sternly) about things, but then just when I think he's doing good he will go back to yelling again.
If I say anything even when things are calm, he thinks I'm having a go at him so he gets fired up. He has a temper. He isn't violent though. I was the one that was sadly (never hit my kids but did hit him out of anger). I went to anger management though and hsve slowly learnt techniques to cope.
It's hard though when he is quick to anger when I'm trying to change my ways.
He doesn't think he has a problem though. He thinks everyone else is the problem. Kids should behave, I should back him up and punish/yell. I used to. I refuse to go there again. Not saying the kids should just run wild but I want a peaceful home, no ( very little) arguing, no time-outs, yelling and screaming, things like that. Positive discipline instead.
It works. When I calmly talk to the kids as well as let them have a say too they're ok. Life goes on. But when he yells and carries on (sometimes he still lectures them even says after) there's tension and it doesn't solve anything.
I might hsve to show him some youtube videos on peaceful parenting. I guess all I can do is keep modelling it myself and hopefully one day he follows suit.
I often have to intervene if I think/know he's about to explode. Eg if the kids aren't going to bed when he says (and they have a late bedtime anyway which we both are ok with but we say lights out/TV off by 11) get to bed now I know he is getting annoyed so I go and stay in the room for a bit.
He does hsve his good days, I just wish it was all the time. I know he doesn't mean it, he just needs help to change.
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