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  1. #11
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    Daughters hair was very knotty this morning and she wouldn't let me comb it ( or do it herself). Partner told her off. I was more calmer though I was getting frustrated too.
    Anyway partner went out and I finally managed for comb her hair after she had a shower.
    I let partner know her hair was now done. Instead of saying that's great and giving her a hug and moving on he still has a go at her saying " you should just do as you're told the first time blah blah blah" he does this a lot, even if the kids have played up or whatever and the rest of day they're ok and playing together nicely he doesn't seem to focus on the positive.

  2. #12
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    We have this problem and most of the time disagreement on disciplining is the reason we fight. Just yesterday ds came back from daycare asked if he can watch tv. He was at daycare whole day and tired. I said OK and as soon as the tv is on, DH started lecturing me on how bad it is for kids to watch tv blah blah and i let him watch too much! We had a fight in the end. In my defense, ds doesn't watch TV at all some days and when he watches, it is only one hour max! To be honest, i don't know how to handle this situation, it is getting worse and seriously affecting our relationship. Sorry no advice

  3. #13
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    I don't mean this in a rude way as clearly several have said they have the same issues but surely this was something that you guys discussed before having kids? Before we got married and started a family we made sure we were on the same page on the important issues - parenting and discipline was one of them.

    It sounds like maybe some marriage counselling may be beneficial as the issues run deeper than just differing discipline techniques

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  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I don't mean this in a rude way as clearly several have said they have the same issues but surely this was something that you guys discussed before having kids? Before we got married and started a family we made sure we were on the same page on the important issues - parenting and discipline was one of them.

    It sounds like maybe some marriage counselling may be beneficial as the issues run deeper than just differing discipline techniques
    Three eldest are not his. Their father is not in their lives.
    And yes I do agree we need counciling but he isn't interested.
    I was thinking about going without him anyway.

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    Three eldest are not his. Their father is not in their lives.
    And yes I do agree we need counciling but he isn't interested.
    I was thinking about going without him anyway.
    So this issue only emerged with the other 3 after the child you share was born?

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I don't mean this in a rude way as clearly several have said they have the same issues but surely this was something that you guys discussed before having kids? Before we got married and started a family we made sure we were on the same page on the important issues - parenting and discipline was one of them.

    It sounds like maybe some marriage counselling may be beneficial as the issues run deeper than just differing discipline techniques
    Sorry haven't read the other replies but surely so much of parenting you can't know until you have children? I had SO many ideas about the sort of parent I'd be and probably changed my views about so many of those things.

    I knew the sort of parent DH would be, but only very generally. We certainly never sat down and had long chats about how we would handle disciplining our kids.

    Do people really do that? I mean I knew my DH inside and out before we had kids but not how he would respond to specific scenarios.

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  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I don't mean this in a rude way as clearly several have said they have the same issues but surely this was something that you guys discussed before having kids? Before we got married and started a family we made sure we were on the same page on the important issues - parenting and discipline was one of them.

    It sounds like maybe some marriage counselling may be beneficial as the issues run deeper than just differing discipline techniques
    We too have the same issue. We did discuss parenting and discipline prior to TTC, but I think the reality of it is somewhat different than DH imagined. Also, DH's experience of small children comes from our nieces and nephews; none of who are quite as... spirited and willful as our DS. Actually, not even half!!! 😂

    So while we both had this idea of what it would be like, DH has found it more stressful than he thought. He also has a pessimistic streak and jumps to the worst possible conclusion. So if, for example, DS is climbing all over a toy and then starts climbing the coffee table nearby, the conclusion DH jumps to is that DS will fall and crack his head open/break a limb/require surgery for some horrific injury. DH freaks out and goes over the top. His upbringing doesn't help either (his mother loses it over small things - complete explodes and then fizzles out quickly, so it's just what he's used to. It means it keeps coming up in his parenting. I am pretty sure he recognises it and doesn't like it, but he's also pretty proud so admitting it is unlikely).

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  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    We too have the same issue. We did discuss parenting and discipline prior to TTC, but I think the reality of it is somewhat different than DH imagined. Also, DH's experience of small children comes from our nieces and nephews; none of who are quite as... spirited and willful as our DS. Actually, not even half!!! ������

    So while we both had this idea of what it would be like, DH has found it more stressful than he thought. He also has a pessimistic streak and jumps to the worst possible conclusion. So if, for example, DS is climbing all over a toy and then starts climbing the coffee table nearby, the conclusion DH jumps to is that DS will fall and crack his head open/break a limb/require surgery for some horrific injury. DH freaks out and goes over the top. His upbringing doesn't help either (his mother loses it over small things - complete explodes and then fizzles out quickly, so it's just what he's used to. It means it keeps coming up in his parenting. I am pretty sure he recognises it and doesn't like it, but he's also pretty proud so admitting it is unlikely).
    Ahh I see, that makes sense.

  12. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Sorry haven't read the other replies but surely so much of parenting you can't know until you have children? I had SO many ideas about the sort of parent I'd be and probably changed my views about so many of those things.

    I knew the sort of parent DH would be, but only very generally. We certainly never sat down and had long chats about how we would handle disciplining our kids.

    Do people really do that? I mean I knew my DH inside and out before we had kids but not how he would respond to specific scenarios.
    Gah BH just ate my reply. We discussed discipline in a general sense, that neither of us agreed with smacking or shaming and wanted to use gentle discipline. We discussed that for us, abortion was off the table except in medical cases. That our kids would be essentially raised atheist but if they 'found' religion we would support them in that. That I would be a SAHM for at least a while, we shared the same political beliefs etc.

    These discussions happened in context of general chatting over the space of a few years rather than a formal 'how we are going to raise our kids' chat if that makes sense?

    We are obviously weird lol

  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Gah BH just ate my reply. We discussed discipline in a general sense, that neither of us agreed with smacking or shaming and wanted to use gentle discipline. We discussed that for us, abortion was off the table except in medical cases. That our kids would be essentially raised atheist but if they 'found' religion we would support them in that. That I would be a SAHM for at least a while, we shared the same political beliefs etc.

    These discussions happened in context of general chatting over the space of a few years rather than a formal 'how we are going to raise our kids' chat if that makes sense?

    We are obviously weird lol
    Ok putting it like that then yes we discussed many of those things. Mainly because we have a lot of nieces and nephews between us so were used to having kids around. I knew he loathes smacking and is an atheist so they're givens.

    But more specifically no we never really talked about it.


 

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