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  1. #1
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    Default Dh not interested..

    My DH is starting to get to me. He takes no interest in anything the kids do and only spends time with them when I encourage him to. He has no patience for any of the kids and mostly interacts with them through yelling. He does bath dd and puts her down to bed of a night.

    He doesn't help around the house. I ask him about a million times a night to take the rubbish out and put the bins out on garbage night. Nothing gets done off his own back, he doesn't take care of the house at all in any way. Even if he sees as issue he does nothing about it.

    He doesn't cook, clean, tidy up, do washing, gardening. Nothing.

    I cant ever remember him doing anything romantic or nice for me where he had to make an effort. We have been together almost 18 years. I have to make all the plans for the weekend because he never makes any and he certainly has never planned a holiday. I am always the one who talks about and plans these types of things.

    There isn't much point to this thread. I guess I just want to know what other peoples DH's are like..

  2. #2
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    Has he always been this way?

  3. #3
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    Yes pretty much. Can't see him ever changing.

  4. #4
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    Has he always been like this?
    Or only since kids came along?
    If it's the latter I think your relationship has broken down, lack of time for each other, kids becoming the focus and you have both have neglected your relationship. You need to make the effort and communicate, keep your relationship interesting so it isn't all about the kids. Talk to dh about this and work together to get the spark back.
    Or perhaps he is depressed which is a whole different issue.

    Dh and I have been together for nearly 23 years. We share everything 50 50 being chores and evetything to do with our 3 boys. We work together, we communicate, we talk about everything. There's been times where our relationship has suffered a little due to focusing on the kids, tiredness etc but we realise that and make the effort. It's something we discussed before we started a family. We recently started having date nights once a month, a friend looks after the boys, which is great.

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    Sounds like a real catch. OP do you still love him? What was it that attracted you to him in the early years?

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by TreeGirl View Post
    Sounds like a real catch. OP do you still love him? What was it that attracted you to him in the early years?
    Yes I still do We met when we were 16 so he was quite different. He makes me laugh and I like that but there is a lot lacking lately.

  7. #7
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    I have spoken to him about these issues over and over again but nothing is ever fixed. I am in two minds because I love him and want to be with him but I just don't think I can deal with his laziness anymore.

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    I think you need to book in for marriage counseling and tell him he is going.

    I don't believe that people should have to entirely change to keep someone else happy. As I general rule I believe if such massive changes are needed then you're not compatible.

    Buuuuuuut... in your case I'd ignore my own rule because his choices essentially are:
    a) start to cook, clean and do things with the kids on weekends that he has organised himself so that he can keep his wife happy, or
    b) split from his wife then have to start to cook, clean and do things with the kids on weekends that he has organised himself.

    Change will be inevitable for him. A counselor may be able to help him see this and hopefully realise that option 'a' seems a whole lot nicer.

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  10. #9
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    Wow that sounds hard. Me and DH are 50/50 with kids and house work and there's no way I could physically or mentally do it all.
    It's his house and kids too, he should be contributing without being asked.
    I guess it comes down to what you're willing to accept and if he's not likely to change (as you said) what you feel you want to do about it? Tough one. X

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  12. #10
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    Can I ask if both/either if you work outside the home?
    (Just trying to think of possible reasons for his lack of interest in house duties).

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