+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 18 of 18
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    372
    Thanks
    148
    Thanked
    58
    Reviews
    0
    He seems to either be too busy, too tired from work or the kids are too much (2 yr old and 8 mth old)

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,846
    Thanks
    6,200
    Thanked
    16,888
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I would be deferring study. I would also be giving your not so dear husband some very clear messages that he needs to step up. I'm a SAHM and my DH has been working 50 hours a week and still helps me with the kids and house. While I do all the night wakings he steps up without being asked when he sees me struggling.

    It sounds like the main issue here is him.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    Tiny Dancer  (26-04-2016)

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    372
    Thanks
    148
    Thanked
    58
    Reviews
    0
    I have to pay to defer study so not really an option 😞

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    6,869
    Thanks
    4,775
    Thanked
    4,210
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by poida84 View Post
    He seems to either be too busy, too tired from work or the kids are too much (2 yr old and 8 mth old)
    I'm so sorry you find yourself in such a situation. agree with previous posters that your dh needs a swift kick up the rear end. and that something has to give. you simply cannot continue to function on so little sleep and being spread so thin. I'm of the school of thought that husbands helped create the kids, therefore they help out at home. if he can't do that and is prioritizing his sleep ahead of yours, then it's very unfair of him. esp given you already have pnd/pna.

    as others have pointed out, getting yourself taken care of is a much higher priority now as you're no good to anyone if you're exhausted and unwell. if study can't be deferred, I'd suggest letting the housework slide. do the bare minimum to keep things functioning but if the floors are a bit grubby or the place is dusty, well just leave it. perhaps it'll start to bother your dh and it might kick him into action.

    big hugs.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to turquoisecoast For This Useful Post:

    A-Squared  (26-04-2016),poida84  (26-04-2016)

  7. #15
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    7,836
    Thanks
    5,052
    Thanked
    4,437
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/4/15100 Posts in a week
    I agree with PPs. Something has to give. I'd say the cleaning too.

    Did you say your DH was a SAHD? You said he doesn't do night wakings as he's at home with the kids all day.

    If he is a SAHD, get him to do a bit more cleaning in the day and sit down and have a chat with him and explain your PND is getting worse because of all of your commitments and the imbalance of who does what in your house.

    Maybe come up with a schedule of night wakings, you do week days and he does weekends so you can recharge your batteries then. Or you can do the baby's wakings and he takes care of the 2 year old every night and hire a cleaner. There's not a lot of point in asking him in the middle of the night to get up if he's a deep sleeper and takes too long to rouse. Have the conversation before you get him to share the load as that will be easier than during the wakings.

    If he doesn't have the compassion to then be able to help more even after you explain how it's making your PND and PNA worse, I would be seriously questioning your relationship.

    Big hugs. I hope you can have a chat and work out a few ways to ease your load

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to A-Squared For This Useful Post:

    SuperGranny  (26-04-2016),turquoisecoast  (26-04-2016)

  9. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    372
    Thanks
    148
    Thanked
    58
    Reviews
    0
    He isnt a SAHD. He works some nights, has days off during the week and works one day on the weekend. I work 9-5 Mon, Thurs and Friday and half day Wednesday and Tuesday. I'm happy to do wake up on the days he works but some help otherwise is impossible

  10. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    385
    Thanks
    20
    Thanked
    124
    Reviews
    0
    Although not as bad as what you're going through, when I was on maternity leave I did all the night wrongs and DP didn't help unless I was really struggling. I think this contributed to him having the ability to sleep through DS waking (I'm actually quite jealous that he can).

    When I went back to work (DS was around 7 months old) I was very upfront that I couldn't continue. We basically split up the nights so each of us knew when we would be getting up. To start with I had to shove him out of bed and it took him a while to wake up. He soon learnt though that it's generally easier to settle when you get to them quickly and has now improved.

    DS now sleeps through 9/10 nights and we still share the wake ups.

    Anyway, my point is that unless you are married to a mind reader you need to be upfront about what you want. It may involve a few weeks of transition and you'll need to stick with it.

    Your health has to take priority.

  11. #18
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    1,351
    Thanks
    558
    Thanked
    728
    Reviews
    5
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Juventina View Post
    Something has to give. You need help. I'm so sorry for the way you are not coping but trying to do too much isn't helping your situation. If your doctor puts you on a mental health plan you can have up to 8 sessions covered. I'd defer the study if you can. The extra money will help and will also not leave you feeling mentally exhausted. You are no good to your children unless you put yourself first even a little.
    I'm on this... Most are not fully covered, but you get most of the money back from Medicare in a couple days (thank god for the app where you can claim right away!). I think I pay 60 out of pocket per session.


 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Springfree Trampoline
Give the Ultimate Christmas Gift Springfree Trampoline
The World's Safest Trampoline™ is now also the world's first Smart Trampoline™. Sensors on the mat detect your every move and your jumps control fun, educational and active games on tablet. Secure the Ultimate Christmas Gift today!
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
The Fix Program Sydney CBD and Broadway
Pregnancy and women's health physio, pregnancy and new mum Pilates classes taught by our physios for you and bub. Pregnancy back and pelvic pain. Also, we treat postnatal and women of all ages. Incontinence, prolapse, sexual and pelvic pain.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!