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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by loodle View Post
    I might get flamed for this but here goes. This little girl has obviously been exposed to something sexual either by seeing it or by suffering sexual abuse and I think the fact that your fiancé doesn't want to do anything about it is a huge red flag! Why doesn't he? If it was my child I would fight like hell to get to the bottom of the issue to make sure she is safe which is what I would think most parents would do unless they are hiding something. Sorry op
    Yep you worded what I wanted to say better than I could. The fact your fiancée doesn't want to do anything about it rings alarm bells to me....

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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    So this little girl has been showing symptoms of possible sexual abuse for THREE MONTHS and no one's done anything?? Is this OP for real?

    Bugger the parents. Report it yourself to your state's child protective services.
    This 100%. Both parents know & haven't done anything? Assuming the mother knows as op said:
    Quote Originally Posted by redfacedredhead View Post
    We have talked to her mom and she says she's never seen anything at her house.
    And the father doesn't want to deal with his ex so is happy to ignore the possibility his child has been abused?
    Quote Originally Posted by redfacedredhead View Post
    I feel the reason my fiancé is so hesitant is because he knows that in order to pursue this with a doctor, he will have to discuss it with his ex and she is not easy to deal with.
    Stuff both of them & report it to DHS/police.

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  4. #43
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    I've been thinking about this thread a lot, even though OP doesn't seem to have returned, I hope you're reading along.

    First of all, I don't believe you should say anything further to your partner. I think there is a lot of suspicion around his behaviour and if he is doing anything abusive then it will just make him more secretive and harder to catch out. But I would be extremely vigilant of both him and your son. Apologies if I'm wrong about him, I just can't for the life of me fathom why he would be so unconcerned about this, no matter which angle I try to view it from. And if, as you say, the children in the house are protected from viewing p.ornography etc, then she has to have learned this behaviour from somewhere.

    Secondly, I would seek advice from professionals. As I said earlier, gut instinct is very powerful. Would you be able to live with yourself if you didn't investigate this further? If you choose to say nothing and do nothing and his daughter has been abused, then that makes you culpable as well, in my opinion. Sorry to be so blunt. I would write down everything I could remember right now, and continue to make notes of times/places/possible contributing factors/any possibly related issues like moodiness, disturbed sleep or appetite, and honestly talk to someone.

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    Hi op i haven't read all the replies but they probably echo what im going to say...

    Something is not right here. I would stop asking questions and mentioning it altogether to her and your boyfriend and either contact child protection or take her to a gp.

    It is important that she's questioned appropriately and not ina way that may suggest how she should answer.

    This poor little girl has somehow been exposed to something inappropriate for her age....and is acting inappropriately as a result.

    i hope its been accidental and not anything more sinister.

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    OP, I just want to say I 100% agree with everything the PP have said but just another angle for your partner - I know it seems Unfathomable that a father would dismiss this behaviour and not want to do something about it, but I do know that some men (and women too) would rather stick their head in the sand and live in denial than admit to themselves that something is very wrong with their child. From my experience with my DH, we have had situations in the past where I had serious concerns about developmental issues with our DS1 and DH absolutely refused to get him checked, assessed or even talk to me about it. It made absolutely no sense. I really hope this is the situation with your partner, it's definitely a possibility that he is purposely playing it down in his head to avoid the horrible reality that his dear daughter may have been abused.

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    Default *trigger* Highly sexual 3 year old or curious 3 year old?

    It's also entirety possible and very likely that adults around her are completely innocent and have no idea where she saw this behaviour - eg maybe she sneaked a peak at someone's computer or walked in on her mother having sex without mother realising.. But due to the very dangerous risk of her possibly being abused, you MUST do something about this, if your partner won't.

    ETA - even if her parents haven't done anything wrong in terms of abuse, their reluctance to investigate this behaviour IS wrong!

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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    OP, I just want to say I 100% agree with everything the PP have said but just another angle for your partner - I know it seems Unfathomable that a father would dismiss this behaviour and not want to do something about it, but I do know that some men (and women too) would rather stick their head in the sand and live in denial than admit to themselves that something is very wrong with their child. From my experience with my DH, we have had situations in the past where I had serious concerns about developmental issues with our DS1 and DH absolutely refused to get him checked, assessed or even talk to me about it. It made absolutely no sense. I really hope this is the situation with your partner, it's definitely a possibility that he is purposely playing it down in his head to avoid the horrible reality that his dear daughter may have been abused.
    Some may remember a thread I posted a while back about behaviour my parents ignored. It's absolutely true that parents can ignore it or be dismissive of it without being the perpetrators, however I will never ever forgive them for it. Ever. I was crying out for help with it in so many ways and it was continuously laughed off, made to be my fault or just ignored in general and as a result I was kept in the position I was in for a long time and received no help.
    OP, you aren't like them. You aren't ignoring it or pretending it's not there so please do something about it if they won't. Someone needs to look out for her.

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  11. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    Some may remember a thread I posted a while back about behaviour my parents ignored. It's absolutely true that parents can ignore it or be dismissive of it without being the perpetrators, however I will never ever forgive them for it. Ever. I was crying out for help with it in so many ways and it was continuously laughed off, made to be my fault or just ignored in general and as a result I was kept in the position I was in for a long time and received no help.
    OP, you aren't like them. You aren't ignoring it or pretending it's not there so please do something about it if they won't. Someone needs to look out for her.
    This is so sad :'(

    OP you have the chance to take action- this poor girl is most likely being abused - makes me sick to the stomach that babies can be put through such unthinkable things- I'm paranoid for my own kids - they always get the speech about what's not normal and told they will never ever be in trouble if they come to me. It's my worst fear as I was that kid that never spoke up myself.

    OP if you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me- this can't be an easy situation- I can't imagine the thoughts that must be swimming in your mind..

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    As someone who was abused as a child by a relative. Please, please, PLEASE step in to determine how this poor child learnt these acts and get professional assistance.

    Someone known to her may be abusing her or showing her inappropriate things.

    Whatever the case, from what was mentioned, this behavior is not normal and something sinister is going on.

    Please act on this and help this innocent child from further harm.

    Sometimes perpetrators are people you least expect, a grandparent, uncle, stepdad/dad, brother. Could be any person that has access to this child.

  13. #50
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    Thanks everyone. I would like to let you all know that my fiancé has read into it more and was quite shocked at how "un normal" for lack of better words her actions were. We are in the process of having her checked out.

    I would like to clarify that he's never been around children up until Having his own and he is quite naive to things and I feel that people jumping the gun to assume he is the cause is probably why him and most men will not come forward. Not trying to sound ungrateful for people's advice, but that would never have been my first assumption when reading the posts.

    Her mother has spoken to her and we have spoken to her and are continually reminding her of acceptable and unacceptable touch in public especially when it comes to private parts- this was at the recommendation of a public health nurse (we are in canada)

    I am glad that I was able to get verification that I wasn't just looking into something too much, I was afraid to make big allegations when I was unsure!

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