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I've been thinking about this thread a lot, even though OP doesn't seem to have returned, I hope you're reading along.
First of all, I don't believe you should say anything further to your partner. I think there is a lot of suspicion around his behaviour and if he is doing anything abusive then it will just make him more secretive and harder to catch out. But I would be extremely vigilant of both him and your son. Apologies if I'm wrong about him, I just can't for the life of me fathom why he would be so unconcerned about this, no matter which angle I try to view it from. And if, as you say, the children in the house are protected from viewing p.ornography etc, then she has to have learned this behaviour from somewhere.
Secondly, I would seek advice from professionals. As I said earlier, gut instinct is very powerful. Would you be able to live with yourself if you didn't investigate this further? If you choose to say nothing and do nothing and his daughter has been abused, then that makes you culpable as well, in my opinion. Sorry to be so blunt. I would write down everything I could remember right now, and continue to make notes of times/places/possible contributing factors/any possibly related issues like moodiness, disturbed sleep or appetite, and honestly talk to someone.
Hi op i haven't read all the replies but they probably echo what im going to say...
Something is not right here. I would stop asking questions and mentioning it altogether to her and your boyfriend and either contact child protection or take her to a gp.
It is important that she's questioned appropriately and not ina way that may suggest how she should answer.
This poor little girl has somehow been exposed to something inappropriate for her age....and is acting inappropriately as a result.
i hope its been accidental and not anything more sinister.
OP, I just want to say I 100% agree with everything the PP have said but just another angle for your partner - I know it seems Unfathomable that a father would dismiss this behaviour and not want to do something about it, but I do know that some men (and women too) would rather stick their head in the sand and live in denial than admit to themselves that something is very wrong with their child. From my experience with my DH, we have had situations in the past where I had serious concerns about developmental issues with our DS1 and DH absolutely refused to get him checked, assessed or even talk to me about it. It made absolutely no sense. I really hope this is the situation with your partner, it's definitely a possibility that he is purposely playing it down in his head to avoid the horrible reality that his dear daughter may have been abused.
It's also entirety possible and very likely that adults around her are completely innocent and have no idea where she saw this behaviour - eg maybe she sneaked a peak at someone's computer or walked in on her mother having sex without mother realising.. But due to the very dangerous risk of her possibly being abused, you MUST do something about this, if your partner won't.
ETA - even if her parents haven't done anything wrong in terms of abuse, their reluctance to investigate this behaviour IS wrong!
OP, you aren't like them. You aren't ignoring it or pretending it's not there so please do something about it if they won't. Someone needs to look out for her.
OP you have the chance to take action- this poor girl is most likely being abused - makes me sick to the stomach that babies can be put through such unthinkable things- I'm paranoid for my own kids - they always get the speech about what's not normal and told they will never ever be in trouble if they come to me. It's my worst fear as I was that kid that never spoke up myself.
OP if you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me- this can't be an easy situation- I can't imagine the thoughts that must be swimming in your mind..
As someone who was abused as a child by a relative. Please, please, PLEASE step in to determine how this poor child learnt these acts and get professional assistance.
Someone known to her may be abusing her or showing her inappropriate things.
Whatever the case, from what was mentioned, this behavior is not normal and something sinister is going on.
Please act on this and help this innocent child from further harm.
Sometimes perpetrators are people you least expect, a grandparent, uncle, stepdad/dad, brother. Could be any person that has access to this child.
Thanks everyone. I would like to let you all know that my fiancé has read into it more and was quite shocked at how "un normal" for lack of better words her actions were. We are in the process of having her checked out.
I would like to clarify that he's never been around children up until Having his own and he is quite naive to things and I feel that people jumping the gun to assume he is the cause is probably why him and most men will not come forward. Not trying to sound ungrateful for people's advice, but that would never have been my first assumption when reading the posts.
Her mother has spoken to her and we have spoken to her and are continually reminding her of acceptable and unacceptable touch in public especially when it comes to private parts- this was at the recommendation of a public health nurse (we are in canada)
I am glad that I was able to get verification that I wasn't just looking into something too much, I was afraid to make big allegations when I was unsure!
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