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  1. #1
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    Default In laws help

    Just after some advice about in laws...not sure if im overreacting.
    My MIL is a really nice lady but quite insensitive about things. She tends to just do what suits her and not think about what us as parents want. She just announced today to my partner shes purchased all the things to make my daughters 4th birthday cake. Firstly she never asked me if she could make my daughters cake and secondly she announced she is making a "racing car" cake - as my daughter likes cars the movie. I am quite put out as this is something I as a mum wanted to do and she never even asked me if this was ok. But now I feel I cant offend her and say no as she has bought a heap of stuff to make it including an expensive cake tin. I am not really keen on my little girl having a "car cake" either, she is a girly girl!!
    MIL also turns up whenever she wants, never calls us first and ALWAYS arrives with presents and unhealthy food. I am just getting to the end of my tether with it all. Don't want a family war but not sure how to tackle it.
    Any advice? Thanks

  2. #2
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    My mil sounds similar though she's not as bad as that.. I appreciate what she does but at times she can be a bit controlling.

  3. #3
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    I'd be TOTALLY peeved if my MIL took it upon herself to bake my child's birthday cake. That's my right as their mum and it's something I look forward to each year.
    I would just tell her straight out, that whilst you appreciate the thought, baking and decorating your daughter's cake each year is something YOU want to do. Bad luck if she gets put out. Your daughter, your right.

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  5. #4
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    Hmm...it seems entirely reasonable that you would feel put out.

    Who turns up without a phone call or a text message these days?

    She may feel offended when/if you talk about the cake and when you give her some boundaries around visiting without checking with you first.
    However, these would be things that most reasonable people would consider for themselves first. Most people don't need to be told this stuff, I believe. Could your dh talk with her?

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  7. #5
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    Oh my! I am feeling mad for you! That is just not on, how does she not realise that she shouldn't be taking that upon herself to do.
    I think the only thing you can do is tell her straight how you feel, doesn't have to be in a heated way. Maybe even your partner could do it, afterall it is his Mother. She's had her kids and had her turn to do all those things. This is YOUR daughter not hers and it is now your turn to do those things.
    Goodluck x

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  9. #6
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    Thanks for the support I feel a bit better now and think I should bring it up with her. Not looking forward to it though!!!! I just don't know how people can be so selfish about things. I don't think she realises. It's a special thing that I as a mother want to do. Glad u all agree 😊

  10. #7
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    Default In laws help

    I think the worst thing she has done is to just assume she could make the cake and not to ask you.

    Having said that I would have been over the moon if someone else offered to make my kids' cakes.

    Also with it being a car cake, given you said your DD liked cars the movie I don't see an issue with that. I know you said she's a girly girl, but if she likes the movie is it so bad she's going to have a less girly cake?

    ETA. If it was her first birthday I'd understand such a level of annoyance, but it's her 4th not a milestone birthday.
    Last edited by A-Squared; 25-04-2016 at 09:33.

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  12. #8
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    Females drive cars, yes? And also race cars? Your mil chose a car cake because she knows your dd loves the movie, it sounds like she's encouraging her interests

    I can understand that you would be frustrated because making a birthday cake is something you want to do, but this is a scenario where I think you need to pick your battles and, imo, this isn't one worth fighting. Instead, I would get in early next year and let mil know you will be making the cake.

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    Let hubby tell her, not you.

    Speaking from experience, don't get involved because it causes issues down the track.

    As for the cake, let your DD have 2 cakes. Yours can be the main one and MILs can sit next to it.

    But yes I'd be massively annoyed too.

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  16. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    As for the cake, let your DD have 2 cakes. Yours can be the main one and MILs can sit next to it.
    I think doing this would actually be quite a rude and petty and juvenile thing to do.

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