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  1. #1
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    Default Wwyd

    Before I launch into my WWYD , please dont respond if you are going to me negative or judge me..

    I am married and im not happy- i know i have posted threads in the past about this and about leaving him and i really want to but im too scared to because so many people will get hurt by my decision- My FIL , my parents who think of H as their son and of course H. He thinks theres nothing wrong with out marriage but to me there is. Im so unhappy and so sick of feeling this way. We are more like housemates than partners and its hard..
    I can almost afford to leave if i share a house with someone. Im not earning enough yet to afford my own place.

    My kids from my previous marriage have left home now and for the past 25 years I have always been married and a mum - I want to be single - i dont want to be tied to someone and now the kids dont need me like they did, i feel like im still trapped and i want to run...

    so WWYD in my situation- stay out of a sense of loyalty to a man who has supported you through so much but you arent in love with anymore and you cant hurt parents and in laws

    or

    go and be happy and everyone else can deal with it themselves ?

  2. #2
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    What would you tell your daughter to do if she came to you with the same scenario?

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    I haven't read your other posts so don't know the back ground.
    1. Maybe talk to him first so it's not a shock to him if you do end up needing to go to make you happy
    2. Maybe you could go away somewhere for a while to give yourself an idea of what living by yourself will be like.
    3. Otherwise go be happy and don't worry about everyone else's reactions that is there problem not yours
    Anyway just my thought process good luck and go be happy with whatever you choose we certainly can't tell you what to do ☺
    Last edited by flowers21; 24-04-2016 at 07:04.

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    Go and be happy. My parents separated after 29 years of marriage and it was the best thing they ever did. Dad didn't want mum to leave but he is so much happier now and all the family have got over it. Dad is still a part of mum's family and comes to birthdays and Christmas.

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    May I ask why you're unhappy? Is he abusive in any way, or have you just grown apart / fallen out of love?

    If the former, I don't think you owe him (or anyone else) $hit. Get out and get your happy on as soon as you can.

    If the later, then I think it's only fair to have a talk with him about it, seek counselling to give him one last shot, etc. He may feel the same way.

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    Thank you for the responses.

    If it was my daughter, i would tell her she needs to be happy and do what she needs to do.


    Thank you for the comments

    xx

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    I'd leave. your heart's not in the marriage and life is too short to stay put.

    you've also posted previously about disrespectful things he does to you so this would definitely add to the need to cut and run.

    you get one life Louise, do it on your own terms. you've done the "right" thing and put everyone's needs above your own for so long and you're at this point, unhappy with your current situation.

    of course people will be unhappy with your decision if you leave. I don't think anyone, ever, left a marriage and didn't upset a few people. but this isn't about what other people say or think. it's about you.

    I sense your struggle is between keeping others happy and staying true to your own heart. I think you've ignored your heart's desires for so long and busied yourself with meeting the needs of others for so long, that you feel terrible if you were now to listen to what your heart wants as it likely means "letting everyone else down".

    I think if/once you can overcome this way of thinking, which is really all that's keeping you put by the sounds of it, you'll be free to soar.

    I think you need to stay true to you and if that means leaving, then I think that's what you need to do.

    huge hugs, I know this is not an easy decision for you and I know you've struggled with this issue for some time. I hope you find a resolution to it and happiness xx

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    If it was me I would go. I would be absolutly terrified of the unknown, but sometimes you deserve to put yourself first.

    Are you doing any counseling for just yourself? Perhaps they can help you make the first steps in going. Just knowing we have someone in our corner gives us that comfidence to things we are unsure of.

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    @Louise41 I have seen posts about your marriage on here before. You have tried so so so hard to make it work.

    If you are not happy, you need to leave. You need to do it for you and your happiness. Marriage is not about staying due to an obligation - or because everyone else loves your partner.

    It is not selfish or wrong to leave a marriage/relationship because you are not happy/do not love the other person.

    Lots of luck with your decision. And lots of hugs. I know its probably one of the biggest and hardest decisions for you.

    But I want you to remember that you deserve to be happy - even if that means leaving and being on your own. xx

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    I've followed along with some of your posts on here. You've tried, you've really tried to improve things and it hasn't worked. I think you can walk away knowing in your heart that you gave it your best shot and it just wasn't a relationship that was salvageable.

    You could live the rest of your life being miserable, out of a misplaced sense of obligation to other people. I say 'misplaced' because if these people really loved you they'd want you to be happy too, even if that meant leaving your marriage.

    Or, you can leave and have the chance to actually be happy and independent and lead a happy and fulfilling life.

    Your husband might say that he's happy and sees nothing wrong with your marriage, but surely he must sense that you're unhappy, and I can't see how anyone could truly be happy being with someone who's heart was no longer in it. If you let him go, he may have the opportunity to find someone who really wants to be with him too.

    Staying together is holding both of you back from finding true happiness.

    This isn't a dress rehearsal, you don't get to go back and do it again. You don't ever get this time back. So you need to do what's going to make you happy. It's YOUR life, don't live it for other people and sacrifice yourself in the process.

    Best wishes hun xx

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