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  1. #41
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    I have yelled at my ds when he was a baby and said a lot of horrible things including swearing at him to shut up etc. I found it really tough with 20m dd and newborn ds.
    Not proud of it but I wasn't coping at the time.

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  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    I'm sorry if you've taken my post that way. But I do think that yelling at a newborn baby is not a good thing. In the situation I was talking about he screamed in the newborns face to shut the eff up.
    But that's not what the OP said happened.

  4. #43
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    Thank you for admitting this @Jontu.
    Me too.
    if I'm angry or frustrated I can snap.
    I know I'm not mother of the year but overall I think I'm a good mum.

    The wording in the last paragraph in the OP indicates she would "allow" him ie grant permission. If it was the other way it could be implied that the partner is controlling.

    I see see nothing wrong with having a few drinks to unwind. I don't understand why that has to stop when you have a child if it's an occasional thing. And with the legal limit 0.05 here, it's not even about getting "blotto" but simply a few drinks.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 24-04-2016 at 17:16.

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  6. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkTutu View Post
    But that's not what the OP said happened.
    You're right it's not and I guess when I posted I was relating to a situation of yelling at a newborn that was from my own personal experience. I'd say we all yell at times but my own direct experience of a person who yelled at a newborn was particularly bad and that's what I was thinking about when I posted. I apologise if my post offended anyone that was not my intention at all.

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  8. #45
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    That wouldn't fly with me and there is no way my DH would even go with an 8 week old. My DH goes on boys nights out maybe once or twice a year and does stay overnight mostly, but that's only bc they are in another town. He's not a drinker at all, and ends up having a few lights all night lol He never comes home hung over, or angry that his family is cramping his style. Instead he comes home in a great mood, appreciate that I 'let' him go.

    He sounds like a spoiled man child. And in regards to if it was a woman - I would say exactly the same thing. If she was coming home from a night out yelling at her husband and newborn bc she couldn't get inebriated instead of just drunk I'd say she was a spoiled brat that needed to grow up! As to the mental health aspect, I've been criticised more than a few times on here bc I've said I get tired of mental illness being trotted out every time a mother (or father) hurts their child. Also that I believe it not only lessens true PND/mental illness but inadvertently brands all women with PND as those that hurt their kids when most don't.
    Last edited by delirium; 24-04-2016 at 17:36.

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  10. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I see see nothing wrong with having a few drinks to unwind. I don't understand why that has to stop when you have a child if it's an occasional thing. And with the legal limit 0.05 here, it's not even about getting "blotto" but simply a few drinks.
    I completely agree. But this wasn't a few drinks to unwind. He had already been out for the night drinking with his mates but was angry bc he basically couldn't get trashed. I think we need to keep things in context here. The OP didn't have a problem with him going out, just staying out the entire night. having an 8 week old I think that's fair.

  11. #47
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    DH does sometimes depending on a few factors. He's wandering into the second half of his thirties now and, being 5 years older than him I know this, this is when just a couple can give you a hangover and make you pretty poor company the next day.

    If DH has been watching footy with mates and his team loses - I give him a veeeery wide berth!

    DH does not cope with the newborn stage at all. I think he gets some PND. Due to his work I never depended on him to get through evening rush hour so, like RAH, his being out for a boys night never impacts on me much. Now he's working normal hours U actually look forward to an evening in charge of the remote when he goes out.

    A few years back though he had a friend who, whenever he spent time with him, he would come home in a grump. This friend didn't like me and I think he was always trying to drive a wedge between us and trying to make DH wish he was living the bachelor life like him. I worked out what was happening and called DH on it every time he got home. Asking if that friend had been there and point out that he was being a douche. Eventually DH became aware of it himself and could see through his mate's manipulation (thankfully ex-mate now!).

    He also goes moody when mates are having struggles of their own. So after a boys night of consoling his mate about a marriage breakdown or whatever he goes through a whole lot of emotions and (being raised in the good old boys-dont-cry way) these can come out as anger or withdrawl.

  12. #48
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    Default moody husband after a boys night.

    My hubby went to a mates birthday party the night our DD was born and had quite a few bevvys. My pregnancy had been tough on us both. My mum was looking after DS, he made sure that DD and I were happy and settled in hosp and off he went. He's an amazing dad. There wasn't much he could do for DD and I and he was back up with us in the morning. The OPs hubby sounds like he is being a bit of a douche but I don't think it's fair to say he is a bad dad because he went to spend some time with his mates.
    Last edited by Bubintummy; 24-04-2016 at 18:14.

  13. #49
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    Default moody husband after a boys night.

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I completely agree. But this wasn't a few drinks to unwind. He had already been out for the night drinking with his mates but was angry bc he basically couldn't get trashed. I think we need to keep things in context here. The OP didn't have a problem with him going out, just staying out the entire night. having an 8 week old I think that's fair.
    We don't know the circumstances. We don't know how many hubby had, how often he goes out drinking, whether it was a special occasion.

    For all we know hubby could being having difficulty coping with parenthood, it was his best mates birthday and he wanted to have 6 beers (which I would consider reasonable) but was only able to stay for 2 hours and have a couple of beers because he couldn't get a hall pass.

    It may not be like that. It may. Or the truth may be somewhere in between. Until the OP comes back and un-biasedly clarifies we just don't know.
    Last edited by VicPark; 24-04-2016 at 18:20.

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  15. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    We don't know the circumstances. We don't know how many hubby had, how often he goes out drinking, whether it was a special occasion.

    For all we know hubby could being having difficulty coping with parenthood, it was his best mates birthday and he wanted to have 6 beers (which I would consider reasonable) but was only able to stay for 2 hours and have a couple of beers because he couldn't get a hall pass.

    It may not be like that. It may. Or the truth may be somewhere in between. Until the OP comes back and un-biasedly clarifies we just don't know.
    She says he goes out then does this when he comes home, meaning this isn't the first time. You may be right, I read it that they got on it but not enough for his liking - maybe he did only have only 6. But even if he isn't coping. Yelling at your family and wanting to get drunk don't solve your problems. Counselling, communication with his wife and acknowledgement of the issues do.

    To flip your argument on it's head VP - if the OP was the one doing this I think you would be giving her tough love saying if she has PND/resentment at being a parent, yelling at her husband baby and getting blind won't help. Or would you make excuses for her?


 

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