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  1. #1
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    Default What is self-settling?????

    I post this thread because I am confused!

    I KNOW WHAT SELF-SETTLING IS! But is it really important?

    My DS is 10 weeks and he doesn't self settle, or does he?

    During the day, he only sleeps 40 minutes exactly after every hour of being awake. He is fully refreshed and a happy boy.

    At night, he is down by 7:30pm and wakes for his usual 1-2 feeds (usually two as I only dropped the dream feed a week ago).

    Day and night, he will only go to sleep on my chest, then when he is out, I can put him down. During the day, when he wakes after the 40 minutes, HE IS AWAKE. Yet at night, I see him on the monitor toss and turn at times and open his eyes and then go back to sleep within seconds, so isn't that self settling?

    I have been told by one that I have a huge issue on my hands and if he is not self settling by 12 weeks to go to tresillian, yet another says they never had to do that settling cr@p.

    I don't believe in "controlled crying" or "crying it out " and I understand that he is only 10 weeks and is SO dependent on me. And this is my point!

    Is he self settling at night, which means he knows how to do it? If it's not, do I HAVE to teach him and when? Because I don't like the idea of changing the way he likes to relax. If he needs me, well that's my job isn't it?

    Really? What is self-settling and is it absolutely necessary if not now, ever? When?
    Last edited by beckyashleigh; 21-04-2016 at 22:40.

  2. #2
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    I'm certainly not a sleep expert as I have a 10 month old who is the most shocking sleeper right now, but I do have experience trying sleep training with and without success!
    My understanding of self settling is that the baby is able to go to sleep on their own with little or no intervention from others. So for example if he is fed or rocked to sleep this isn't self settling as he is relying on something (sleep aid) to go to sleep. Now for some babies it doesn't matter and when they wake at night like yours they are able to self settle then and go back to sleep easily. If that's the case and you are happy with his sleeping then you don't necessarily have to do anything to change it. However some people find that either the baby is unhappy as they struggle to sleep well as whenever they wake they get distressed as they need the sleep aid, or the parent can't cope with the baby needing the intervention as its not practical to have baby sleeping on them if they have other children to look after for example.
    For me I did cc with ds1 at 6 months and it worked amazingly. He was waking every 1-2 hours at night needing picking up or feeding and I found it hard to deal with. It took 3 days for him to start sleeping 12 hours straight and he's been a dream since. He can sleep anywhere, go to bed on his own and rarely wakes at night even when he has a cold, teething etc. However ds2 has been a totally different story. When he was 12 weeks a lady from tresillian came to see us as he had colic and wasn't sleeping well during he day. I started implementing some gentle approaches to encourage self settling and it was working but he then went through a major 4 month sleep regression. So at 5 months I did cc but it was much harder as he cried for longer and it took weeks to see results. Even then we were still doing 2 night feeds but at least he could go to sleep on his own at nights and sometimes for naps. But we then did some travelling and for various reasons he's gone right back to the start. For example last night he was in my bed all night so I could try and calm him quickly when he woke but he slept in 20 min intervals all night. Probably fed (or at least had a few sucks) about 6-8 times and the rest of the wakings he was sitting up, crying, throwing himself around etc. So personally I can't cope with that. I would co sleep if it meant we all slept better but getting 20 min stretches of sleep all night is too hard for me. So when I get back and he's over the jet lag I will be doing cc again as for me I need to get him able to self settle.
    My advice would be not to worry right now if you feel he is happy and you are coping ok. If you want maybe try to encourage him to fall asleep on his own during the day in his bed so you don't transfer him asleep and this may help in the long run for being able to put him down to sleep easily. It doesn't have to involve crying, you can use methods such as shush pat, pick up put down etc. They take longer and require more patience but can work well.

  3. #3
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    Rubbish rubbish rubbish, regarding what you were told.

    Look, you can encourage self settling if you want to, but it's not a problem unless not a problem iykwim. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to raise your baby a certain way just because.

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    I wrote an entire reply and my iPad died! Gah! I basically said what the 2 PPs already said. Each child is definitely freer to but is extremely common and normal for a 12 week old not to self settle.

    If it's a problem for you, change things up. If not, keep on going as you are and if it ever becomes a problem there are plenty of gentle ways to encourage self settling, without CC or CIO.

    One thing I will say is the 1 hour awake time for newborns works a treat for the first few weeks, but at 10 weeks, I'd be trying for 1 hour, 15 minutes awake time. Bub might only be catnapping because he's not tire enough to need a second sleep cycle. But again, if you're happy with things now, don't change things for the sake of it or because someone who doesn't know your baby (ie. ME!) says so. Only if it's a problem for you.

    PS 2 wake ups a night needing your attention s pretty good for a 10 week old!

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    I guess the question is, will there be a time when you can't personally be there to put your Bub to sleep, and if so, will the person responsible be able to do what you do easily enough?

    Agree with what others are saying - it's more about how your Bub gets to sleep in the first place. The fact it sleeps through sleep cycles overnight is great (sounds like you're doing fantastically!), it's just getting to sleep at night that you're currently assisting with. Which is completely fine if that's what you want to do!

    Meh don't listen to silly comments. Your baby is an individual and you need to do what's right for your family. They all learn to 'self settle' in their own time anyway.

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    Default What is self-settling?????

    I have a 9 month old and used to constantly stress about the fact I was rocking her to sleep and was worried id have to do it forever but didn't know how to change it. I didn't want to let her cry and I honestly thought babies who self settled were a myth! Low and behold at 7.5 months my bubba figured it out and is now an amazing sleeper and self settles. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to stress and just enjoy my baby! As others have said all babies are individual and there is no right or wrong. Now I miss all those baby snuggles!

    You're doing a fabulous job! Agree with sunnygirl, don't pay attention to what others say!
    Last edited by Furmumma; 22-04-2016 at 18:10.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    Rubbish rubbish rubbish, regarding what you were told.

    Look, you can encourage self settling if you want to, but it's not a problem unless not a problem iykwim. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to raise your baby a certain way just because.
    Exactly this - people will tell you all sorts of cr@p just let it roll straight off. I will never say that I regret rocking and cuddling my daughter to sleep, quite the opposite. She became an excellent sleeper with no formal 'self settling training' and I still will cuddle her to sleep 6 years later if she wanted me to. Don't rush the phases away, try and enjoy it as much as you are able.

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    whats tresilian!?

  12. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    whats tresilian!?
    A sleep centre. They all have different names in different states.

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