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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkTutu View Post
    I've been reading along since last night.

    If you want your employer to support you, maybe you need to show that in return you are committed and willing to make sacrifices for them when required.

    "I want to work 3 days", "I can't travel because I bf" and "I can't put in extra hours". Probably aren't going to win you any brownie points. I am not singling anyone out, so if I quoted you please don't take it as a personal attack.

    I've worked for the same org for nearly 6 years and after 18 months I took a year off on mat leave, then returned 4 days, as a rule I am in before 8 and leave a half 4, I'm the only one who does this - no drama. I do have to travel in my job, interstate and NZ, I do this without question when asked and so am only asked when it's really essential/no one else can do it. If DH is traveling I put it in my dairy as far in advance as possible and make it clear I can't travel during that same period. I've worked hard to show that I can do my job and hit targets regardless of having a child and working pt. I went back ft about a year ago.

    Recently I was offered a promotion into a newly created role, and had to tell the GM I am utd, I expected it to be the end of that, and he told me it changed nothing, he'd need to cover me whatever role I was doing and is also fine with me returning to 4 days.

    So supportive employers do exist, and you can keep your career, it's just a bit of a juggle to manage your family and meet their expectations too, the first year is the hardest.

    OP if I were you I'd interview for FT roles, if you can really prove yourself in the first 6 months, you'll probably find you can drop a day down the track. Your Bub will not just survive day care, they will thrive! Good Luck!
    I hear what you're saying and I do somewhat agree you can't have it all, however you were given the opportunities you were then you showed them how you were committed to the role.

    As you would have read most of us aren't even given the chance to even show an employer we can work those hours and still travel etc and still give them the same high quality output as a younger childless full time person, employers (managers / interviewers) assume every mum isn't going to be flexible and won't have the same output or positive effect on a company as a full time staff member so they just don't even get the opportunity, and that's where the unfair part comes into it.

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  3. #72
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    I was doing a phd when I fell pregnant. I attempted to go back when ds was 9 months but I lasted all of 6 weeks. I was trying to do it 2-3 days/week and my supervisors were absolutely impossible. They wanted me at an overseas conference within weeks of starting back which needed a lot of work to get it to conference level and it just wasn't possible. DS was sick literally every single week once starting childcare, he was passing everything on to me, and I had supervisors demanding I come in for meetings, presentations etc etc on the days I wasn't supposed to be in/didn't have childcare. On a phd stipend uni full time just wasn't going to happen as it barely covers the cost of childcare let alone other bills. If i struggled through and finished the PhD the jobs on offer are no better, maybe even worse in terms of flexibility (weekends, nights, long days - ugh!).

    I left and god I was depressed. I felt so useless, lost, and I had no direction. So instead I just said "right, I'm going to be an awesome SAHM in the meantime and I'm going to be a teacher instead" I applied for my grad dip, and went on with life. Then out of the blue, I was offered a job interstate. I turned it down as it just wasn't going to work for our family (was only a 6mo contract with no sign of renewal). I was offered another job literally out of the blue full time. I took it. from that, I have been offered another job, also full time, however I negotiated part time (4 days/week) and they were fine with that. That jobs starts next month.

    I am still studying to be a teacher part time and will be working 4 days soon when the new job starts. DS is now 18 months. The money coming in means we can build our bigger family house and just signed on the land yesterday. Life is busy but we are having a tonne of fun. DS is well cared for at childcare and has 2 days with his grandparents. He is flourishing, he is happy. We have great weekends and we play every afternoon when I get home. I start work at 8 and I leave at 4. I refuse to do any overtime and work has accepted that I have to go at 4 to pick up my son, but I work hard while I am there.

    Don't be afraid to take a full time job. It may not be ideal at the time (it wasn't for me) but you just don't know what it can lead to. If you can negotiate part time right form the start - great! If not, consider taking it full time and see how you go. You may love it or hate it - if you hate it then you can leave. When you are in interviews you need to say all the stuff you can do, what can you offer the company - if you get offered the job then you negotiate hours. Sad to say they will be put off hiring you if you don't offer any type of flexibility right from the start.

    I agree wholeheartedly that things need to change, but at the moment we can only work with what we have. Good luck with it - I'm pretty big believer in "things happen for a reason" - you'll find your groove!

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  5. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pearlygirl View Post
    I was doing a phd when I fell pregnant. I attempted to go back when ds was 9 months but I lasted all of 6 weeks. I was trying to do it 2-3 days/week and my supervisors were absolutely impossible. They wanted me at an overseas conference within weeks of starting back which needed a lot of work to get it to conference level and it just wasn't possible. DS was sick literally every single week once starting childcare, he was passing everything on to me, and I had supervisors demanding I come in for meetings, presentations etc etc on the days I wasn't supposed to be in/didn't have childcare. On a phd stipend uni full time just wasn't going to happen as it barely covers the cost of childcare let alone other bills. If i struggled through and finished the PhD the jobs on offer are no better, maybe even worse in terms of flexibility (weekends, nights, long days - ugh!).

    I left and god I was depressed. I felt so useless, lost, and I had no direction. So instead I just said "right, I'm going to be an awesome SAHM in the meantime and I'm going to be a teacher instead" I applied for my grad dip, and went on with life. Then out of the blue, I was offered a job interstate. I turned it down as it just wasn't going to work for our family (was only a 6mo contract with no sign of renewal). I was offered another job literally out of the blue full time. I took it. from that, I have been offered another job, also full time, however I negotiated part time (4 days/week) and they were fine with that. That jobs starts next month.

    I am still studying to be a teacher part time and will be working 4 days soon when the new job starts. DS is now 18 months. The money coming in means we can build our bigger family house and just signed on the land yesterday. Life is busy but we are having a tonne of fun. DS is well cared for at childcare and has 2 days with his grandparents. He is flourishing, he is happy. We have great weekends and we play every afternoon when I get home. I start work at 8 and I leave at 4. I refuse to do any overtime and work has accepted that I have to go at 4 to pick up my son, but I work hard while I am there.

    Don't be afraid to take a full time job. It may not be ideal at the time (it wasn't for me) but you just don't know what it can lead to. If you can negotiate part time right form the start - great! If not, consider taking it full time and see how you go. You may love it or hate it - if you hate it then you can leave. When you are in interviews you need to say all the stuff you can do, what can you offer the company - if you get offered the job then you negotiate hours. Sad to say they will be put off hiring you if you don't offer any type of flexibility right from the start.

    I agree wholeheartedly that things need to change, but at the moment we can only work with what we have. Good luck with it - I'm pretty big believer in "things happen for a reason" - you'll find your groove!
    Thank you for your reply and congrats on the job!

    I did however say in my interview that I could work late on work days as DH could pick her up. Also not forgetting I was going for a role 10K less and it was equivalent to my old assistants role. Very junior. They would have been getting a very experienced person for a lot less!

    I do hear you tho and I will play the game next time

    My only concern with starting DD in CC and me going FT is if I hate it and leave then it will be very disruptive for her. After settling into CC 5 days to only be yanked out 6mths later isn't fair. I need my decision to be a firm one.

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  7. #74
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    Default Is your career really ruined when you have a baby?

    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    The problem is that men are scared of losing their jobs too. It's not as Simple as demanding flexible work or time off to care for kids. I remember DS being sick and I had a very important meeting so I called DH to pick him up from care, the response he got for leaving was " don't they know you have a job and can't your wife do it" (from a woman). The economy we are in now it tough and many people are just not in a position to demand anything. Many families are just trying to pay their bills and put food on the table.
    I agree with this too. My DHs job is very important and not to an organisation making a profit but for a pretty major thing happening in SA. He is also on a contract that ends in February. It's not going to do him any favours to be taking lots of careers leave. I know he has it and I exists for a reason, however practicalities mean it's easier for me to do it as well, my employer has written me off pretty much anyway so what's another day off or another event I can't work.

    Also given I've worked at the same workplace for 6 years and had taken maybe 5 sick days before returning to work with my second child I have the equivalent of 14 weeks (at 3 days a week) sick / carers leave. So not all is lost (I tell myself)
    Last edited by A-Squared; 17-04-2016 at 10:44.

  8. #75
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    It's just not feasible for my husband to take time off.

    I work in the public sector and have 35 sick days accumulated which is pretty good considering I've got 3 kids and my youngest is 3 and they've been in daycare when I returned to work each time after mat leave once they were all 6/9 months old.

    My husband is self employed so if he takes time off he loses his clients and doesn't get paid as he has no leave entitlements being his own boss as a sole trader.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Camper View Post
    You are obviously in a great supportive workplace which is excellent. You've had a great experience and it's great for you to recognize that. You are in the "right" type of place to be a parent and have a career at the same time.

    Sadly the overwhelming experience of others in this thread is not so positive. I go back to my previous post and say again that there is discrimination against women by women going on too. Your comments imply that everyone who is experiencing setbacks because of their family "should just try harder" to make it work (including just sucking it up). Until you walk a mile in other people's shoes, don't judge them. Celebrate what you have, support others to achieve their goals, and don't presume that you have all the answers.
    I wasn't trying to imply that others just need to work harder, but I am not just lucky to be in the "right" environment.
    I am mostly in a good environment, but I have to "suck it up" at times too. I've spent a week of every month of the last 4 months in NZ (pregnant and ridiculously sick for the last two of those) was that ideal? No. but it was necessary to get the results we needed on the project so I did it. On two occasions in the last 6 months I've come back from travel on a Thursday or Friday only for DH to leave on the Sunday and be gone the whole of the following week. That sucked. If I refused to do these things I too would not have flexible work or career opportunities. What I was trying to pint out is a little flexibility on my part goes a long way. Yes I sometimes have to do things I would rather not, but that commitment for me is obvious and in turn I have flexibility the other 80% of the time.

    Not claiming to have any answers, let alone all, just sharing my experience.

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  11. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkTutu View Post
    I wasn't trying to imply that others just need to work harder, but I am not just lucky to be in the "right" environment.
    I am mostly in a good environment, but I have to "suck it up" at times too. I've spent a week of every month of the last 4 months in NZ (pregnant and ridiculously sick for the last two of those) was that ideal? No. but it was necessary to get the results we needed on the project so I did it. On two occasions in the last 6 months I've come back from travel on a Thursday or Friday only for DH to leave on the Sunday and be gone the whole of the following week. That sucked. If I refused to do these things I too would not have flexible work or career opportunities. What I was trying to pint out is a little flexibility on my part goes a long way. Yes I sometimes have to do things I would rather not, but that commitment for me is obvious and in turn I have flexibility the other 80% of the time.

    Not claiming to have any answers, let alone all, just sharing my experience.
    Holy sh!t, that sounds awful! Not ideal at all. Sounds like you are bending over backwards (and then some) for your job/career. I couldn't do anything like that in my life. I live interstate from family, so it's just DH and I. I take my hat off to you for the super human effort you are making for your work. I hope they appreciate it. Good luck brewing tour baby too!
    Last edited by Happy Camper; 17-04-2016 at 11:00.

  12. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkTutu View Post
    I wasn't trying to imply that others just need to work harder, but I am not just lucky to be in the "right" environment.
    I am mostly in a good environment, but I have to "suck it up" at times too. I've spent a week of every month of the last 4 months in NZ (pregnant and ridiculously sick for the last two of those) was that ideal? No. but it was necessary to get the results we needed on the project so I did it. On two occasions in the last 6 months I've come back from travel on a Thursday or Friday only for DH to leave on the Sunday and be gone the whole of the following week. That sucked. If I refused to do these things I too would not have flexible work or career opportunities. What I was trying to pint out is a little flexibility on my part goes a long way. Yes I sometimes have to do things I would rather not, but that commitment for me is obvious and in turn I have flexibility the other 80% of the time.

    Not claiming to have any answers, let alone all, just sharing my experience.
    Travelling with MS is hard so I take my hat off to you! You're clearly putting the effort in and I'm glad it's paid off.

    I think most of us would do also if is a job we enjoyed and were given the opportunity to do. Right now I'm struggling to even find them so I can apply. I know once I do tho that I'll be committed and flexible. I just hope I can convey that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Camper View Post
    Hoky sh!t, that sounds awful! Not ideal at all. Sounds like you are bending over backwards (and then some) for your job/career. I couldn't do anything like that in my life. I live interstate from family, so it's just DH and I. I take my hat off to you for the super human effort you are making for your work. I hope they appreciate it. Good luck brewing tour baby too!
    It's not really that awful! It can be full on at times, but the rest of the time
    I am truly fortunate, I can leave at 4:30 and I can work from home. I am given way more flexibility than most in our business.

    I completely respect that not everyone wants to or is prepared to do this, but for your career to continue as it was pre kids (which was the vain of this thread) I do think you need to be prepared to be flexible with travel/remote access on days off/late night con calls.

    Looking forward to my mat leave... Def not counting down to that at all... 6 more months 😝

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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkTutu View Post
    It's not really that awful! It can be full on at times, but the rest of the time
    I am truly fortunate, I can leave at 4:30 and I can work from home. I am given way more flexibility than most in our business.

    I completely respect that not everyone wants to or is prepared to do this, but for your career to continue as it was pre kids (which was the vain of this thread) I do think you need to be prepared to be flexible with travel/remote access on days off/late night con calls.

    Looking forward to my mat leave... Def not counting down to that at all... 6 more months 😝
    Yes and no. I was more struggling with the idea that are literally no jobs to apply for in what I do P/T 😞


 

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