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  1. #161
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    This made me realise I want to do the opposite but have ended up replicating 😔

    I nearly went insane on my 15 months off from work. Going back to a job I love was like coming up for air. But I hated that my mum was never around for my special school events, and now I'm inflicting that on my son.

    I receive no child support so I don't have the luxury of choice anyway, I guess.

    Bleurgh. It's all so effing hard.
    I guess what it comes down to is if you CAN go you will. I think some mums could go but don't which is what hurts the kids. But if you attend the events you can then I'm sure that will be fine.

    As a full time shift working solo mum I won't make them all. But I intend to send my sister or parents if I can't go. I don't get a choice, I need to work. My 4yo has said to me "when I'm a mum I won't go to work and leave my kids". Ouch. But for goodness sake if I'm at work she has fantastic days with my parents, my dad takes her to Bunnings and indulges them to the nth degree. My mum lets them have cordial often. They're not deprived!

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  3. #162
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    Default Is your career really ruined when you have a baby?

    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I guess what it comes down to is if you CAN go you will. I think some mums could go but don't which is what hurts the kids. But if you attend the events you can then I'm sure that will be fine.

    As a full time shift working solo mum I won't make them all. But I intend to send my sister or parents if I can't go. I don't get a choice, I need to work. My 4yo has said to me "when I'm a mum I won't go to work and leave my kids". Ouch. But for goodness sake if I'm at work she has fantastic days with my parents, my dad takes her to Bunnings and indulges them to the nth degree. My mum lets them have cordial often. They're not deprived!
    Wow you guys have great memories I have no memory of what my parents did or didn't attend when I was at school. My mum worked full time most of my life and I never recall feeling anything about it. There were times in primary school where I wanted her around more but my dad was around a lot too so it always felt OK.

    Fwiw I've found have small children makes attending school things more tricky than work. I try to go to sports days an concerts during the day but dealing with a bored 2 year old makes it challenging.

    My girls' school arranges things on the assumption some parents work and some don't so many things are during school time and many are at night. It all balances out in the long run I find.

    ETA sorry no idea why that quoted you. I hadn't meant to!
    Last edited by Sonja; 19-04-2016 at 12:13.

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  5. #163
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I could have written this! I'm just not interested in a career anymore. I can always make money doing anything, I can never get that time back with my kids. My mum worked when I was young and missed all my school events and lots of milestones. That is absolutely not a slight against working mums, you all do a fabulous job so please don't feel you need to defend yourself. I'm only speaking for me. I feel so lucky and so happy to be home for an extended period. I went from very career minded to really not interested at all.
    This could be me too. I went from earning excellent money working full time before kids, to taking nearly 6 years off to stay at home with kids and then realising I didn't actually want a career anymore.

    Just last week I returned to work as a teacher's aide in a local school working 4 days p/w for awful money, but excellent conditions that suit my family circumstances. My hours mean I can still do drop off and pick ups from school, I can still be home for all school holidays.

    While I wasn't working I was very involved in everything at school; parent helper, canteen, clean up days, mother's/father's day stalls, easter/Christmas raffles, always went to assembly (which is a big deal at our school and about 40+ parents attend every week as the kids are very involved). This week I had to miss assembly where my daughter was speaking to the entire school and had a large part to play in the preparation of assembly....and I cried. I guess it will be the first of many things I'll miss now that I've returned to work.

  6. #164
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    Just because a mother is available and attends ceremonies, works careen etc doesn't make you a great mother.
    My mum was a SAHM and did all those things, but I never felt loved.
    Being physically present doesn't translate into being emotionally present or available.
    It is far more important for a child to feel loved and valued, so working/not working shouldn't affect whether you are a good mother or not.

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  8. #165
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    My advice is NEVER EVER mention you have kids. You're not on maternity leave. Don't mention kids.
    im currently job hunting, no choice but to mention my kids otherwise it looks like Ive done NOTHING since 2009 I am returning to childcare though, hopefully the two kids wont affect my ability to get work

  9. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    Just because a mother is available and attends ceremonies, works careen etc doesn't make you a great mother.
    My mum was a SAHM and did all those things, but I never felt loved.
    Being physically present doesn't translate into being emotionally present or available.
    It is far more important for a child to feel loved and valued, so working/not working shouldn't affect whether you are a good mother or not.
    I agree. I never said it made us good or bad mothers. There are great working mums and crap ones, there are great SAHM's and crap ones too.

    When I was young in the 80's being home was more common and much more respected than it is now. All my friend's mums stayed at home and they came along for reading groups, attended assembly and drove them to the regional cross country. But then my mother's parenting issues went well beyond the fact she worked, it was that she was, and still is, a terrible mother.

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  11. #167
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nemmi1987 View Post
    im currently job hunting, no choice but to mention my kids otherwise it looks like Ive done NOTHING since 2009 I am returning to childcare though, hopefully the two kids wont affect my ability to get work
    Ha ha I'll have the same issue if/when I can start looking for work as its been 8 years so far sahm. This thread is soooo depressing! I was so naive when I left my job to live in Australia. I applied for a few part time positions but factoring in 2hrs travel time every day I knew kids would be in cc almost full time to even work 20hours a week. Not that I even got 1 interview. I only thought of the logistics of daycare etc not that I wouldn't even be considered for roles because I'm a mum and one that's been out of the workforce. Like I knew retraining / refreshing skills etc would be necessary but I still anticipated getting a proper job when kids were at school...
    Anyone know if being a mum would be barrier if going for a career change? I mean apart from starting at the bottom with 20 year old graduates when I'd quality about 48 😁😁

  12. #168
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    I think you do need to sometimes look at a career change and to think outside of the box.

    There are many jobs that just don't suit part time. They should but for a variety of reasons they don't. I made the decision 10 years ago that I could either be a trail blazer and fight to make part time work or I could move away from working in major law firms and find something else.

    In the end we moved across the country and had more kids. I wound up setting up my own consultancy business and now have been working part time for 4 years. I never imagined 10 years ago that would have been possible for me.

    So while it's very disappointing my career does it did force me to find other ways to work and to think outside the box. I want to work, I love being a lawyer and have been one for over 20 years. I don't want to do anything else. But I don't need to do it in a law firm to be happy.

  13. #169
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    I think you do need to sometimes look at a career change and to think outside of the box.

    There are many jobs that just don't suit part time. They should but for a variety of reasons they don't. I made the decision 10 years ago that I could either be a trail blazer and fight to make part time work or I could move away from working in major law firms and find something else.

    In the end we moved across the country and had more kids. I wound up setting up my own consultancy business and now have been working part time for 4 years. I never imagined 10 years ago that would have been possible for me.

    So while it's very disappointing my career does it did force me to find other ways to work and to think outside the box. I want to work, I love being a lawyer and have been one for over 20 years. I don't want to do anything else. But I don't need to do it in a law firm to be happy.

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    @Cue how did you mention the 4 days? Was it when they asked if you had any questions for them? Or did you bring it up in some other way? What did you say? Maybe a few of us can get tips on what to say in interviews to get a positive response for working part time.

    Also, what industry are you in?

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