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  1. #151
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    @witherwings, you raise a very interesting point there. They noted a lack of 'seniority' as one of the reasons for backtracking on a verbal agreement that I could work part time.

    Using my work as an example, that was actually age-based discrimination. I was an untitled solicitor who had been there for 8 years. No one in the firm had ever been promoted to senior associate when they were under 35. So what they were actually doing was restricting part time work to people over a certain age, which is illegal.

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  3. #152
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I get what you are saying ... However this is the equivalent of me saying something like

    "So...I guess my career wasn't ruined when I had my children - But I wouldn't have worked part time as in doing that I wouldn't have never had been able to provide them with a good quality of life."
    VP - I appreciate that is your experience, please don't make assumptions about my situation or try and engage negatively with me on the forum - there is no need. You will notice that I made no generalisations about other people or other situations - my post was referring to my experience only.
    I think what you are missing is that there are varying factors for each of us that would all be different, including some of the following:

    * What our career was
    * Our work ethic
    * Out-of-work hours required by career
    * family support or lack there of
    * availability, type and cost of care available
    * level of "quality of life" one is willing to forego

    It was very clear in my post that I was referring to my situation and that I would not have seen my kids if I'd worked full time.
    Last edited by Little Ted; 19-04-2016 at 07:58.

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  5. #153
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    Default Is your career really ruined when you have a baby?

    I guess the answer to the question hinges on how much of a career you want and what you consider "ruined".

    im also an accountant. if I was ambitious and career driven enough to want to progress to director level with the fancy corner office then I think that taking time off to have a family probably would delay those ambitions and goals somewhat. as I'm happy just plodding along, I don't really think taking time off will have to much of an impact as I'll just pick up where I left off and keep plodding.

    I'm definitely someone who works to live though, so no, I don't feel my career is ruined. it's just that my definition and expectations for my career are much lower than maybe someone else's lol

    ETA I'd rather support my husband in his career as he's more passionate in what he does than I am

  6. #154
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    Quote Originally Posted by AdornedWithCats View Post
    It's funny but this is one of the reasons I do work! ������ my mum was a sahm and wasn't involved at school and never took me anywhere anyway! I hope I can get the right balance for my family so I can have a career and be somewhat involved with what ds is up to. Wishful thinking though maybe?
    It's interesting isn't it, how our own childhoods and experiences affect what we choose. DH's mum was a SAHM and also didn't attend anything or wasn't involved really in his life. Likewise DD has a friend whose Mum works FT and is extremely engaged in her school and generally in her life.

    My intention wasn't to insinuate working mums aren't involved Just that *mine* wasn't.

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  8. #155
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I guess the answer to the question hinges on how much of a career you want and what you consider "ruined".

    im also an accountant. if I was ambitious and career driven enough to want to progress to director level with the fancy corner office then I think that taking time off to have a family probably would delay those ambitions and goals somewhat. as I'm happy just plodding along, I don't really think taking time off will have to much of an impact as I'll just pick up where I left off and keep plodding.

    I'm definitely someone who works to live though, so no, I don't feel my career is ruined. it's just that my definition and expectations for my career are much lower than maybe someone else's lol

    ETA I'd rather support my husband in his career as he's more passionate in what he does than I am
    Your situation sounds so much like mine. I am also an accountant! And for me my job is just a job. I try and do it well but have no ambition to go any further and am happy plodding along.

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  10. #156
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    It's interesting isn't it, how our own childhoods and experiences affect what we choose. DH's mum was a SAHM and also didn't attend anything or wasn't involved really in his life. Likewise DD has a friend whose Mum works FT and is extremely engaged in her school and generally in her life.

    My intention wasn't to insinuate working mums aren't involved Just that *mine* wasn't.
    It didn't come across that way to me. I just thought it was interesting how everyone is quite different - and what's best for their family can be the opposite of what's best for the next.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AdornedWithCats View Post
    It didn't come across that way to me. I just thought it was interesting how everyone is quite different - and what's best for their family can be the opposite of what's best for the next.
    Its so true that our upbringing is a HuGe influence. We either want to replicate or do the opposite.

    My mum raised three kids on her own while working full time. So obviously she must not have been home a lot but I never ever felt like I was missing out on her?
    I was so proud of her and having a bad *** hard working mum.

    So I'm trying to do the same for my kids 😊

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  14. #158
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    Its so true that our upbringing is a HuGe influence. We either want to replicate or do the opposite.
    This made me realise I want to do the opposite but have ended up replicating 😔

    I nearly went insane on my 15 months off from work. Going back to a job I love was like coming up for air. But I hated that my mum was never around for my special school events, and now I'm inflicting that on my son.

    I receive no child support so I don't have the luxury of choice anyway, I guess.

    Bleurgh. It's all so effing hard.

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    This made me realise I want to do the opposite but have ended up replicating 😔

    I nearly went insane on my 15 months off from work. Going back to a job I love was like coming up for air. But I hated that my mum was never around for my special school events, and now I'm inflicting that on my son.

    I receive no child support so I don't have the luxury of choice anyway, I guess.

    Bleurgh. It's all so effing hard.
    See but @harvs my mum was in your shoes, no child support so she had to work.
    And I think as kids we could see that she had no choice and that she was away because she was providing for us.
    I never felt like I was missing out even though she wasn't as involved as other mums. Give credits to your kids, I'm sure that just as we did, they see how much you love them and how many sacrifice you are making to care for them xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    It's interesting isn't it, how our own childhoods and experiences affect what we choose. DH's mum was a SAHM and also didn't attend anything or wasn't involved really in his life. Likewise DD has a friend whose Mum works FT and is extremely engaged in her school and generally in her life.

    My intention wasn't to insinuate working mums aren't involved Just that *mine* wasn't.
    It is interesting and it didn't come across that way at all to me.

    My mum was a SAHM after she got married in the late 60's and was always super involved with school/our extra curricular lives etc. but she drilled it into me from a young age to always have my independence and a career of my own to fall back on, which is probably why I've tried to maintain my career whilst having children.


 

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