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  1. #81
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    XH was a pron addict and it had a huge negative impact on our intimacy. In this case, pron was the problem not a symptom.

    When DH worked FIFO 3/1 roster he accessed pron but for his week home we had fantastic intimacy. In this case while not symptomatic of a "problem" it was accessed due to a "challenge" (physically being apart). Neither of us made a big deal of it and it was only mentioned by him because DD wanted to use his iPad so he talked about having to check for anything possibly left on it. For *us*, no big deal.

    So i have personal experience of both sides of the coin (healthy v's unhealthy use of pron).

    FIFO is hard! We didn't have what it takes and called it quits after less than a year. We could see that it would start to cause relationship issues down the track. DH was working with blokes who had been doing it forever and was shocked at how effed up their relationships were. They would all winge about working so their missus could spend it all, drink every night, use the services of 'ladies of the night'... pron was the least of most of those wives' worries. He was shocked and didn't want to see us end up like that just for money!

    I'm assuming if he is on 1/1 you two can make time for counseling. I'd highly recommended this as it sounds like your relationship has fallen into lots of bad habits and you really need to open up and communicate.

    It's very easy for us to read snippets and individual incidents and tsk tsk that he's doing no good but we don't know all the ins and outs. We haven't lived your lives to know how your relationship has gotten to this point. If you both want to work at fixing it, or even just working out that the problems are too big to fix and it's time to walk away (as happened with XH and I) relationship counseling should be considered essential IMO, based on my experience of it.

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    NORgirl  (20-04-2016),VicPark  (17-04-2016)

  3. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    Ashar, you have said it a number of times already in this thread and I'm sure you tell yourself this on a regular basis, but you have a lot of issues in your relationship and also issues of your own that go way beyond your husband watching p0rn.

    What I would do in your situation is seek some counselling ASAP. For yourself and also couples counselling. Honestly, with the things you have Written about what your "dear" husband has said, and his seemingly controlling position in the family, I would probably just up and leave if it was me, but with 2 little ones, no income and low self esteem, that's a lot easier said than done. Counselling first, and then try to figure out if it's even worth staying in this relationship. It's obviously impossible for complete strangers to judge your situation, but based solely on what you have a written, he really doesn't deserve you, regardless of how much money he makes or how many fans he has.
    Yes you're right I should have left by now & have thought about it a lot lately, not just for myself but for him as well. If anyone else was in this situation I would advise them to leave, but it really is hard to organise things. I find the thought of putting our house on the market & keeping it "show ready" overwhelming with the twins & that really is the only thing stopping me.

  4. #83
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    If that is the only thing stopping you then you really should be leaving, sooner rather than later. But I would get some counselling first as your reason for staying in the relationship is very odd to me, and I think your anxiety could be addressed with some professional help before you make the decision to leave. Better yet, get him to pay for it while you're still together! 👍🏼

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    @Ashar, I don't envy your position, but it sounds like you have given this a lot of thought.

    Personally, I'd be planing my exit, but easier said that done.

    Just know, for what is worth, we'll all support you in your decision.

    Hugs.

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  8. #85
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    I dont think staying in a relationship because of the overwhelming process of selling house/uncertainties is odd.at all hun. You all.deserve so much more, please give urself the life deserve and take.the steps to seek some professional support

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    Ashar  (17-04-2016)

  10. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    XH was a pron addict and it had a huge negative impact on our intimacy. In this case, pron was the problem not a symptom.

    When DH worked FIFO 3/1 roster he accessed pron but for his week home we had fantastic intimacy. In this case while not symptomatic of a "problem" it was accessed due to a "challenge" (physically being apart). Neither of us made a big deal of it and it was only mentioned by him because DD wanted to use his iPad so he talked about having to check for anything possibly left on it. For *us*, no big deal.

    So i have personal experience of both sides of the coin (healthy v's unhealthy use of pron).

    FIFO is hard! We didn't have what it takes and called it quits after less than a year. We could see that it would start to cause relationship issues down the track. DH was working with blokes who had been doing it forever and was shocked at how effed up their relationships were. They would all winge about working so their missus could spend it all, drink every night, use the services of 'ladies of the night'... pron was the least of most of those wives' worries. He was shocked and didn't want to see us end up like that just for money!

    I'm assuming if he is on 1/1 you two can make time for counseling. I'd highly recommended this as it sounds like your relationship has fallen into lots of bad habits and you really need to open up and communicate.

    It's very easy for us to read snippets and individual incidents and tsk tsk that he's doing no good but we don't know all the ins and outs. We haven't lived your lives to know how your relationship has gotten to this point. If you both want to work at fixing it, or even just working out that the problems are too big to fix and it's time to walk away (as happened with XH and I) relationship counseling should be considered essential IMO, based on my experience of it.
    Yes I have definitely heard a lot of things that can go on on site & while travelling that would potentially ruin relationships if found out about. As for the money side it's a slippery slope especially with the mining boom, the more you get the more you spend & become dependent on it.

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  12. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashar View Post
    Yes you're right I should have left by now & have thought about it a lot lately, not just for myself but for him as well. If anyone else was in this situation I would advise them to leave, but it really is hard to organise things. I find the thought of putting our house on the market & keeping it "show ready" overwhelming with the twins & that really is the only thing stopping me.
    Leaving a relationship, with two young kids and multiple shared debts is no easy task. It's so much easier to advise someone to just leave than to actually do it. Aside from the overwhelming practical and financial issues you also need to come to terms with the loss of the hopes and dreams you had for this relationship. My point is simply that we all do what we can 'when' we are able to.

    Do you believe that you and your dh 'could' work through this stuff? Do you want to? Does he want to?

    If not...then, make the changes at your own pace.

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    Ashar  (18-04-2016)

  14. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by Albert01 View Post
    Leaving a relationship, with two young kids and multiple shared debts is no easy task. It's so much easier to advise someone to just leave than to actually do it. Aside from the overwhelming practical and financial issues you also need to come to terms with the loss of the hopes and dreams you had for this relationship. My point is simply that we all do what we can 'when' we are able to.

    Do you believe that you and your dh 'could' work through this stuff? Do you want to? Does he want to?

    If not...then, make the changes at your own pace.
    I believe we "could" work through things & I do still love him but I feel there's too much resentment there on both sides. If we were to stay together now something else would probably just come up in 6 or 12 months time & I'd think why didn't I just leave last time, that seems to be what's happening. Plus we really don't have much in common anymore & I lives seem to be going in different directions. I don't think he wants to either, he usually phones me every night & I haven't heard from him this week, but I won't be rushing to leave. I've been looking at the local rental market & there's not much around.

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