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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by GucciDahling View Post
    I'm sorry Op, this is obviously a really difficult time.
    I'm not so worried about you going through his phone. One wrong doesn't excuse another IMO.
    Like @Mamasupial id be more concerned about the woman messaging him and the fact that he's subscribed to p.orn sites with joint money.
    But more than any of that, it's no wonder you're feeling sad if you're feeling physically disconnected from your partner. If you feel as though he doesn't want you physically. Can you tell him that? Not the p.orn, not the going through his phone, just "I love you and want to feel close to you. I feel sad that we're not having sex" or something like that.
    I did tell him all that on Monday night, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer & blurted out "how do you feel about me finding p0rn on your phone" & "I'm still attracted to you and I still love you & how do you think it makes me feel when you'd rather watch p0rn or go out with your groupies than be with me" blah blah blah, picture ugly crying face & mental and no wonder he hasn't spoken to me since!

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    That message alone wouldn't have been enough to make me snoop.

    So you have 3 year old twins, your hubby is FIFO and plays music late on weekends when he is home?
    1 week away 1 week home, plays weekends could be one night could be three.

  3. #23
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    P.orn isn't acceptable in my relationship. It's a huge deal breaker for me. I respect that other couples are ok with it; I personally am not. I would be really upset, op, especially if I were sitting at home looking after the kids whilr he was out here & there, & then chose to interact with p.orn instead of with me. I have no advice, but just wanted to say - it's ok to not be ok with it.

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  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashar View Post
    I did tell him all that on Monday night, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer & blurted out "how do you feel about me finding p0rn on your phone" & "I'm still attracted to you and I still love you & how do you think it makes me feel when you'd rather watch p0rn or go out with your groupies than be with me" blah blah blah, picture ugly crying face & mental and no wonder he hasn't spoken to me since!
    Honestly with context, I'd be heartbroken and I would ugly cry and be mental too.
    It sounds like you are both really disconnected and three year old twins will do that to a couple! Add in the fifo and the messages and the p.orn subscriptions?
    My advice (I know it's unsolicited but I'll give it anyway!) would be to write it all down - no accusatory language ie I feel hurt and devalued when other women message you - and see how you go.
    Relationships Australia are a good resource too.

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  7. #25
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    This thread isn't about how the OP found out. She's acknowledged it wasn't great but what's done is done.

    OP in all the circumstances I'd be pretty upset. If you had a very happy intimate relationship then I'd be saying don't stress, but given what you've said about the lack of S.ex I'd be very unhappy.

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  9. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    This thread isn't about how the OP found out. She's acknowledged it wasn't great but what's done is done.

    OP in all the circumstances I'd be pretty upset. If you had a very happy intimate relationship then I'd be saying don't stress, but given what you've said about the lack of S.ex I'd be very unhappy.
    True however it may play a role in her husbands reaction and how they will move forward.

    In saying that I may have done the same.

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    Last edited by SoThisIsLove; 16-04-2016 at 00:01.

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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    I don't mind DH watching it, I don't know many guys who don't watch it. But if your DH is watching it every night instead of being intimate with you, then there are issues which have nothing to do with p0rn. The p0rn is a symptom of the problem, not the cause.
    Maybe have a think about whether there are issues in your relationship that need to be addressed and worked on, and then go from there?
    Well, pornography 'could' be a symptom of the problem.

    However, pornography can also be a cause of the problem as well. There's been quite a bit of research which finds that pornography use can interfere with a person's interest/ability to be physically intimate with their partner.

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    OP, my partner watches porn. He never does it when I am around but, you know, smart phones make it very accessible.
    I am idealogically opposed to pornography on the grounds that women, invariably, occupy a very disempowered and objectified space in its landscape. I don't (generally) think I'm prudish about it.

    Actually, there was a point to my post but it seems to have disappeared. I'll come back when I remember what it was...oh dear.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Albert01 View Post
    OP, my partner watches porn. He never does it when I am around but, you know, smart phones make it very accessible.
    I am idealogically opposed to pornography on the grounds that women, invariably, occupy a very disempowered and objectified space in its landscape. I don't (generally) think I'm prudish about it.

    Actually, there was a point to my post but it seems to have disappeared. I'll come back when I remember what it was...oh dear.
    I feel your point. I'm loathe to get into a mainstream p.orn debate but I feel it.
    My turning point was reading a piece by Robert Jensen. Is it harmful or harmless? Is it a sliding scale? I don't know.
    This was it for anyone interested:
    http://uts.cc.utexas.edu/~rjensen/fr...hy&cruelty.htm

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