P.orn isn't acceptable in my relationship. It's a huge deal breaker for me. I respect that other couples are ok with it; I personally am not. I would be really upset, op, especially if I were sitting at home looking after the kids whilr he was out here & there, & then chose to interact with p.orn instead of with me. I have no advice, but just wanted to say - it's ok to not be ok with it.
It sounds like you are both really disconnected and three year old twins will do that to a couple! Add in the fifo and the messages and the p.orn subscriptions?
My advice (I know it's unsolicited but I'll give it anyway!) would be to write it all down - no accusatory language ie I feel hurt and devalued when other women message you - and see how you go.
Relationships Australia are a good resource too.
This thread isn't about how the OP found out. She's acknowledged it wasn't great but what's done is done.
OP in all the circumstances I'd be pretty upset. If you had a very happy intimate relationship then I'd be saying don't stress, but given what you've said about the lack of S.ex I'd be very unhappy.
Last edited by SoThisIsLove; 16-04-2016 at 00:01.
My turning point was reading a piece by Robert Jensen. Is it harmful or harmless? Is it a sliding scale? I don't know.
This was it for anyone interested:
An angle of "I miss you. Your kids need you" you will have more success than being cranky at him for watching porn that you found on his phone.
Not trying to stir
When you spoke with your husband you were focused on yourself a lot - there were a lot of "I" statements. Perhaps when he is next home you could focus things on your hubby "how are you feeling?" "Why do you watch porn?" "What do you think about when you are away FIFO?" "Do you miss the kids when you are away?"
Might help your hubby feel more comfortable with talking and from that you might find a bit of info that helps you get to the bottom of things.
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