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  1. #1
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    Default When does parenting become abusive?

    Check out this article for Dr Phil's guidance on when parenting may cross the line into abuse.

    It covers many areas from spanking to kids being sent to bed without dinner..

    http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/563

  2. #2
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    I do love Dr Phil, but what I'm confused about is that it is ok to spank your child as long as you don't leave a mark but child abuse to leave your kid in the car to pay for fuel?

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    I don think Dr Phil was endorsing spanking, just saying at what point it's not up for debate anymore - you've definitely crossed the line..

    With the leaving in the car thing Dr Phil mentions 'unattended' - I suppose if you can see your child the whole time it might be considered as attended. I would be ok with that definition.

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    Default When does parenting become abusive?

    The wording seems to indicate he does endorse spanking though. He mentions it's not conductive to send kids to bed without dinner but no mention it's not conductive to spank your child- omitting that to me implies endorsement.

    Many parents (not me personally) send their kids without dinner if they refuse to eat it. Many more parents leave their kids in the car to duck in to pay for fuel or go to a bakery. But many parents who do such things would never spank their child as that's wrong. They are better parents than those that spank and certainly not abusive/neglectful parents.....

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    According to Dr Phil I'm an abusive parent. Hahahaha.

    Rot.

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    Now I usually dr Phil.
    But this is ridiculous. According to this I'm abusive.
    I don't leave DD in the car. ..but I have smacked her once. Was a knee-jerk reaction.
    I have sent her to bed without dinner. Actually I've done that twice in the last few days becsuse she wouldn't sit up to the table and wanted to pretend to be a horse!
    her health isn't affected.

    How about the opposite....
    You're not an abusive parent when. ..
    You love your child and they know it.
    They are fed.
    They are safe.
    They are loved.
    They are protected.
    They laugh.
    They get quality and quantity time from you.
    ..... the list could go on.

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    As someone who was abused as a child, my dad could read this list and think he was a model parent! Being lashed across the bum with clothes on using a cane switch never bruised, nor an open hand slap to the face.

    No mention at all of things like witholding essentials intentionally to "punish" (beyond the bed without dinner thing) or constantly belittling your children in a calm and measured voice (why is only yelling included?). Oh, I could go on but it's all getting a bit too personal!

    Is this actually Dr. Phil's advice though, as ot looks like it is taken directly from a particular organisation. Possibly someone in the Dr. Phil website writing team put this one on and he needs to review it a bit further.

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    Default When does parenting become abusive?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tamtam View Post
    but I have smacked her once. Was a knee-jerk reaction.
    .
    I think most parents have been there or come very close.
    I'm referring more to using spanking as a deliberate discipline tool.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I think most parents have been there or come very close.
    I'm referring more to using spanking as a deliberate discipline tool.
    Yes. I think you're right. Just based on an assumption of dr Phil and the beliefs he often shares I think he likely says that smacking when used as a deliberate thing is okay.
    Of course this is just an assumption.

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    Apart from kids in the car (for a very short time when not hot, in full view of the parent), I kind of agree with the list.

    I'm not a perfect parent. I have smacked a few times. I did it out of frustration bc I had lost my temper. But rather than getting defensive I recognised the above and haven't smacked for so long I don't remember. I yell sometimes as well. I don't call names it's more "STOP DOING THAT!!". I do it bc I'm human but it's isn't a good thing.

    I think like anything there are shades of grey. A tap on the bum is different that belting with a strap. Yelling to stop doing something is different to yelling obscenities and abuse. But generally I believe we need to step out of our comfort zone and try to do better.

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