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  1. #1
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    Default Sleep training a "Co Slept" baby - 9 Months old

    Hi Girls and guys?

    My name is Ryan, myself and my wife have a 9 month old girl.

    From day one, she was a very strong girl (9.7 pounds) but has also been super dependent on us as well (as I guess babies are)

    We first had her in a mosas basket beside our bed for the first few months, she then grew out of it very fast and then started teething.

    We then started putting her in the bed with us as it seemed to calm her (Oh boy, I think that was our mistake haha)

    She is now 9 Months old, and she is really dependent on having us with her to go to sleep. (she is still co sleeping with us.)

    In order for her to go to sleep, being her night time sleep or her day time naps. she needs one of us right next to her every time.

    I dont mind this so much but if we put her down somewhere, the second she wakes up and we are not there, she is standing up in her cot crying until we come and put her back to bed.

    Not only is she very dependent on us being right there with her but she also needs to be pinching or rubbing our skin between her fingers in order to go to sleep, and honestly ,I would give the olympic torch to my wife because I have only been dealing with this pinching for a week ( I have just started being the at home dad while my partner goes back to work) and honestly, it brings tears to your eyes how painful it is, and Jenna never said a word and it was her boobs taking the brunt of that (Ouch)

    Sorry, I have looked in the forums and looked at books but nothing really explains on how to get a super dependent baby who cannot fall asleep without you being right there to a baby who you can put to bed with a bottle and they will happily stay there all night..

    I would love some advice or tips.

    I am sorry if I sounded insensitive or anything throughout this post, I know this forum is mostly woman based, but I am the tech guy in our family haha, So I would love any kind of tips or any book to read.

    It is a real struggle for us at the moment, so any comments are very very welcome! Thanks in advance!

    Not only does she just pinch, but her routine to go to sleep is pinching, kicking, rolling, throat grabbing. While I love it, it just honestly hurts to much


    Ryan

  2. #2
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    Do you want to do this a gentle way or in 3 days?

  3. #3
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    Hey,
    I have to preface this with saying that my kids are 10, 8 and 4 and I'm a happy bed sharer but anything you want to change with a baby/child takes time, effort and consistency.

    There will be no magic fix to take your bub from where you are now to your ultimate happy place I'm sorry to say - you need to go slow.

    What is your bubs routine now? Does she sleep in the cot or in your bed or both?
    How many day sleeps does she have?

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    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (15-04-2016)

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    No easy answer I am afraid. However if you don't want to continue co-sleeping you need to get into it sooner rather than later. The longer you leave it the harder it will be on you and your DD. She probably won't just grow out of it - maybe when she's 5...

    I would suggest a sleep school or sleep consultant. They can accurately assess your situation and give you firm clear guidelines (which it sounds like you want) on what to do. Look into what is available in your area.

    Do you have an established bedtime routine that is consistent? Have you tried giving her a comforter? If not introducing a comforter might be a good start. You can even have your wife (or yourself) put it down your shirt for an hour or so before so it smells like you - then give it to her to hold every sleep (she may not take it straight away, just place next to her hand/head). This may make the transition easier, if she can accept the comforter. My DS1 is so attached to his, has a particular corner he rolls between 2 fingers vigorously to soothe himself to sleep. Has been doing this every night for 4 years.

    I don't think CC would be ideal in this situation. She is sooo dependant on you it would be cruel to leave her cry IMO.

    Whatever the case be prepared for it to be hard. There is no magical answer, no text book chapter. Your baby is an individual and her needs will differ from others. Good luck.

  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    No easy answer I am afraid. However if you don't want to continue co-sleeping you need to get into it sooner rather than later. The longer you leave it the harder it will be on you and your DD. She probably won't just grow out of it - maybe when she's 5...
    I disagree. We are a Co sleeping bed sharing family of babies under 12mths and by 15-18mths our kids are in their own beds.

    It just takes time and patience.

    But please do it gently as it will be a huge shock to your baby. I'd wait till separate anxiety eases a bit before trying.

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    mrswhitehouse  (15-04-2016)

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    Bub is waking because you are sending her to sleep in one environment (mum/dad there patting) and expecting her to stay asleep even though the environment changes (mum/dad .... Gone!!!!). Bub stirs between sleep cycles and thinks "wtf! Where has mum/dad gone?."

    Keeping the sleep environment the same is the key. How to do this? Some parents find it is easier to not have a sleep aid (bottle, boob, patting, rocking, dummy) that requires adult intervention to maintain through the night. My suggestion would be to get bub a comforter - you know the type with a Teddy's head on a bit of cloth. Use it at every sleep regardless of whether the sleep is on the pram/cot/car. Only use it at sleep time. After about 2-3 weeks start weaning bub off mum/dad by leaving just before bub falls asleep. Increase the time between leaving and bub falling asleep over a few weeks. There *may* be a few tears at the start - it's up to you whether that is ok.

    When bub is falling asleep try to stand somewhere where bub can't see you and watch. My boys used to rub their comforters between their fingers when going to sleep. And nuzzle into it. It was like I was watching a love affair in progress! Hopefully a comforter could replace your wife being pinched as bub falls asleep (sounds like the pinchig is part of bubs routine for settling). Comforter works an absolute wonder for us in helping bub sleep through without waking/needing mum and dad.

    Good luck.

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    sunnygirl79  (15-04-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    I disagree. We are a Co sleeping bed sharing family of babies under 12mths and by 15-18mths our kids are in their own beds.

    It just takes time and patience.

    But please do it gently as it will be a huge shock to your baby. I'd wait till separate anxiety eases a bit before trying.
    I said probably - not always. I can name about 10 friends who still have 3/4 year olds in their beds because they found it too hard to transition.

    I think it's easier younger when they can't get out of their cots and just climb back into your bed. This is a huge problem many parents face.

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    Olive Oil  (15-04-2016)

  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Bub is waking because you are sending her to sleep in one environment (mum/dad there patting) and expecting her to stay asleep even though the environment changes (mum/dad .... Gone!!!!). Bub stirs between sleep cycles and thinks "wtf! Where has mum/dad gone?."

    Keeping the sleep environment the same is the key. How to do this? Some parents find it is easier to not have a sleep aid (bottle, boob, patting, rocking, dummy) that requires adult intervention to maintain through the night. My suggestion would be to get bub a comforter - you know the type with a Teddy's head on a bit of cloth. Use it at every sleep regardless of whether the sleep is on the pram/cot/car. Only use it at sleep time. After about 2-3 weeks start weaning bub off mum/dad by leaving just before bub falls asleep. Increase the time between leaving and bub falling asleep over a few weeks. There *may* be a few tears at the start - it's up to you whether that is ok.

    When bub is falling asleep try to stand somewhere where bub can't see you and watch. My boys used to rub their comforters between their fingers when going to sleep. And nuzzle into it. It was like I was watching a love affair in progress! Hopefully a comforter could replace your wife being pinched as bub falls asleep (sounds like the pinchig is part of bubs routine for settling). Comforter works an absolute wonder for us in helping bub sleep through without waking/needing mum and dad.

    Good luck.
    This! If it works buy 3 of them so u don't risk losing one and can cycle them to wash.

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    VicPark  (15-04-2016)

  14. #9
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    Good books to gently help change your situation OP are Elizabeth pantley - no cry sleep solution and pinky McKay - sleeping like a baby. Drs James mckenna and William Sears have written good evidence based papers on babies sleep patterns during this stage and the best times to implement independent sleeping environments.

    I'm a gentle parent and parent similarly to @misskittyfantastico. I find @VicParks methods too harsh as I flat out refuse to leave a baby to cry.

    In the end it's your baby and your choice. Good luck. In your situation is just put mittens on bub or get onesies that tuck fingers in. 9mths is peak separation anxiety phase and your baby will freak out if you sitting too severe.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    I think it's easier younger when they can't get out of their cots and just climb back into your bed. This is a huge problem many parents face.
    DH and I still spend time in bed with DS (he has just turned 3). There is no way we could have ever trained him out of our bed into a cot (he was terrified of the cot).

    I found for DS he is fine 99% of the time on his own. But he needed to do it in his own time.

    So OP, I agree that any change you make may need to be gradual. All children are different. Some will transition better to sleeping on their own than others.

    Does bub sleep on their own for day sleeps at all?


 

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