Luv, I'm not surprised you feel that way and I reckon almost all of us Lovelies have felt the jealousy ourselves at some stage on this Godforsaken journey!!
I can tell you now that I used to get Cycle Envy, Egg Envy...used to wish I was PCO/S, Embryo Envy, Transfer Envy, Stick Envy/BFFP Envy...because I felt so envious that others were out there actively trying while I had to bide my time saving more money and freaking out about how the delay would mean even more of a decline in my egg quality etc, etc.
It frucking sux but totally normal and understandable to feel that way I think yours is even more compounded by all the custody issues with that C R U N T!!!
ETA- Bub Hub..... You will not stop me spewing forth my expletive laden post!!! LOFL!!!