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  1. #11
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    It's never acceptable for someone to yell at you but I really don't think jumping up and down on furniture at vacation care is acceptable at all.

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    Have you introduced a reward chart like you planned to? While assessment is happening I would be looking at his diet. If you know sugar exacerbates the behaviour then heavily reduce it. Likewise I would be creating a behaviour plan for yourself linked with the reward chart. Be predictable - he knows if he does X the consequence is Y each and every time.

    While I do agree with VP that coming down really hard on him without knowing a diagnosis isn't a good idea, even kids with ADD/ADHD need discipline. In fact IME they thrive even more on predictability. To me, jumping on furniture is not ok. No she shouldn't have yelled at you, that was unprofessional. But in your post you seem to brush it off, almost like it's normal.

    As I've said in your other threads. Your son needs firm but loving, predictable discipline at home. You can't expect that he runs riot at home then is well behaved at school.

  3. #13
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    That's really good news about the paed.

    I agree that yelling never be used in discipline. It teaches the child that it's ok to shout at other people and that's not positive.
    I was just wondering if you have a strict routine and discipline practice at home. Such as the naughty step?

    I see it all the time where people have no routine and the kids are told off in the same vocal tone as general talk so don't take it seriously. If the paed is doubting ADD etc would it be worth looking at how routine and diet and discipline is affecting his day?

    Good luck. Sounds very stressful!

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Have you introduced a reward chart like you planned to? While assessment is happening I would be looking at his diet. If you know sugar exacerbates the behaviour then heavily reduce it. Likewise I would be creating a behaviour plan for yourself linked with the reward chart. Be predictable - he knows if he does X the consequence is Y each and every time.

    While I do agree with VP that coming down really hard on him without knowing a diagnosis isn't a good idea, even kids with ADD/ADHD need discipline. In fact IME they thrive even more on predictability. To me, jumping on furniture is not ok. No she shouldn't have yelled at you, that was unprofessional. But in your post you seem to brush it off, almost like it's normal.

    As I've said in your other threads. Your son needs firm but loving, predictable discipline at home. You can't expect that he runs riot at home then is well behaved at school.
    Basically this

  5. #15
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    His diet sounds like it may be affecting him. I rarely eat doughnuts and had one the other day and all the sugar nearly blew my head off! It was like I'd had 5 coffees!

    Maybe a week of whole foods and just fruit as dessert would be a good test as to whether it's impacting him at all.

    Nothing processed, nothing out of a jar. Good wholesome food, long runs in the park, quality time with mum as often as possible, a clear routine and a reward chart with consistent discipline where needed.

  6. #16
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    Yes, I’m actually re-doing the reward charts since a few hubbers recommended since my last post on the other thread (I used to do that briefly when he was about 4, but he completely ignored it and wasted my efforts). I really believe it has helped my life a tad easier, however, has not completely changed his behavior. I remember how effective it was when there was one particular day I felt like I finally had the upper hand in adult-child relationship. One weekend, DS was already not behaving moments after he woke up, he made a lot of complaints, did a mess, refused to answer when I asked simple questions, had melt downs, etc all of that even before noon! So I said to him no reward sticker today. He went ballistic but I was adamant and stuck to my principle and he knew I was serious. He continued on the rest of the day not repeating his bad behavior. For some moments, he’s able to absorb all the advices and not behaving like a hyperactive, hurricane like boy. And some days he’s just completely lost it. Reward charts will still keep going on strong anyway.

    His paed asked me whether DS was capable of participating in tasks at home. I said yes, DS would be very happy to get involved in tasks, but only if I was doing it one-on-one with him. For eg. If I said to him “go up to your room and put your toys back in the box” then he would completely ignore me. But if I said “let’s come with me and we’ll sort out your lego pieces and put them in the box…. blablablabla”, then he’d be more than happy to do it (in fact he finds doing chores is exciting!). That question has got me thinking. I think I may know why the school branded him as unfocused, inattentive is because his teacher clearly saw him unable to do tasks unsupervised or independently. She once said that DS would start to get up and walk around the room whenever she left DS’ desk to supervise other students. But when she came back to his desk to check on him again, he also quickly came back and was able to continue and finish it off. It seemed like he was waiting for a one-on-one assistance?

    As for the riot like behavior (I know he has extra energy to burn off), we have repeatedly said that to him no jumping, no running, no throwing etc, because we, too, find these behaviour distracting and completely annoying and he could hurt himself if he jumps up and down excessively. But his action cannot be stopped with words alone. On top of the warnings, he’s the kind of kid who needs someone to come up to him and say “instead of jumping up and down dangerously, why don’t you help me do something” (helping him to forget about jumping up and down). Again, it’s one-on-one assistance here. That’s the thing that didn’t happen at vacation care a couple of days ago, when he was caught jumping off the couch and just before I entered I even heard the care lady only yelled at him not to jump from the furnitures. She said she’d been telling him repeatedly. At school, I would also expect teachers would mostly only tell students not a private guidance like I’d do at home! So that’s probably where the ‘confusion’ that DS experienced come from. I’d like to start my way of teaching at home probably by getting him involved to do things independently, i.e. does not require me or DH to stand by his side (still supervised though).

    My mother told me when my younger brother was 5, he’d try to climb out of the balcony from the second storey of our house along with two other boys he had a playdate with. She said she gave him an ultimatum ONCE only and he never repeated that mistake ever during his childhood. She said boys will be boys, but most kids should be able to listen after a warning only.

    This morning I walked DS to vacation care and got him to repeat the rules at the centre. He was able to say that running, jumping, screaming, fighting, etc were all not allowed. I reminded him again (using positive words, instead of the “no’s” or “not”, “don’t”) that he could only walk, sit, stay still and keep your hands and feet to yourselves (ok he doesn’t fight with kids these days… but just in case).


    As for diet, today I've started trialing his diet. He had no flavoured milk (one thing that has lots of sugar) this morning. He'd probably have his fruit juice today from his lunch bag. Believe it or not he sneaked out to pantry last night and had a fruit gummy (not sure what it's called, although it says it's made of 70% fruit juice ) and he had troubles falling asleep last night. He fell asleep 1/2 hr later than usual! So I found another culprit! I'm now in the hunt to find which food group make him run around nonstop

  7. #17
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  8. #18
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    Yes, yes, his paed also mentioned it seems that DS has problems with authority. He blends well with other kids and enjoys doing a variety of things (he does not withdraw himself from social activities), but when it comes to implying rules he often argues, exactly what the website says (he often does these three things):
    • Argue frequently with adults, particularly the most familiar adults in their lives such as parents
    • Refuse to obey rules
    • Seem to deliberately try to annoy or aggravate others
    We have not ruled out ADD or ODD ...there are bits and pieces that the paed collected yesterday that could be either of them and he also said disciplines / parenting methods also contribute to that as well.

    Also I'd like to mention again, that I feel like DH and I led a bad parenting method (not harsh) in the past two years i.e. we used to say "yes" every time to DS, bought him toys whenever he wanted to (Ok not every day, but quite often and most of them were Lego actually, which I thought would be educational), did not introduce any other consequences apart from not fighting with friends otherwise they don't want to be your friends anymore.
    Last edited by bunnymum; 15-04-2016 at 14:14.

  9. #19
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    omg I just googled more about ODD and it seems scarier than ADD! Often children with this disorder has extremely strong personality, refuse to take responsibility and deliberately try to annoy people. As they grow older (if left untreated I suppose) they'd have troubles making friends and have trouble academically.

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