+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    210
    Thanks
    238
    Thanked
    106
    Reviews
    0

    Default Kinda serious WWYD - info from children

    So I have a kind of serious WWYD question. Not sure what to do, looking for opinions.

    My niece (7YO) and nephew (5YO) have come to spend a few nights with me and my boys for school holidays. Their mum and dad stayed at home to look after newborn twins (eek!) Over dinner last night DH and I were teasing each other about snoring. My niece cheerfully joined in saying her mum (my SIL) snores so badly her dad sleeps in my nephew's bed. She said "Dad can't stand the snoring and the whinging". I know that SIL and her DH are having a tough time with the stress of looking after twins. Who wouldn't?! We used to be quite close but we're not ATM. I relayed the story to my MIL (SIL's mum) who confirmed that SIL and her DH are barely speaking.

    So WWYD? Try to reach out to SIL knowing she's not told me about her marriage issues for a reason, or leave it as I'm not really going to be able to do much more than listen and support her? We've not really spoken for months. Part of me just wants to ignore it. I can't really help. But I'm sure my MIL will mention the conversation to my SIL, so she'll know that I know by now. Would it be worse that I don't say anything to her now? Hmmmm...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    2,026
    Thanks
    355
    Thanked
    830
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I wouldn't mention that I knew anything was wrong.

    I would try to reconnect with her, organise to meet her for coffee or invite her over or show up on her doorstep with flowers and a cake. Just talk, connect with her and let her know she has your support. If she wants to tell you about what's going on with her, she can. If not, at least she'll know she can talk to you if she needs.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to preggasaurus For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (13-04-2016),TheGooch  (13-04-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    23,030
    Thanks
    6,282
    Thanked
    17,271
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    It's sweet that you want to be there, but I wouldn't say anything. Not only will it cause a possible rift, both with SIL and your MIL bc MIL may be in trouble with SIL for telling you. But it may embarrass her.

    I would do what preggasaurus suggested. Reconnect with her, invite her for coffee, or a play at the park with the kids.

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    13,067
    Thanks
    9,846
    Thanked
    12,959
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    First of all I would ask MIL not to tell anyone. To be honest - you shouldn't have told her. Last thing the parents of newborn twins need is to have people gossiping about them.

    I wouldn't tell your SIL. Just make sure you and your DH continue to offer support in a general sense.

  6. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    Little Miss Sunshine  (13-04-2016),MissMuppet  (13-04-2016),mrswhitehouse  (13-04-2016),TheGooch  (13-04-2016)

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    210
    Thanks
    238
    Thanked
    106
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by preggasaurus View Post
    ...

    I would try to reconnect with her, organise to meet her for coffee or invite her over or show up on her doorstep with flowers and a cake. Just talk, connect with her and let her know she has your support. If she wants to tell you about what's going on with her, she can. If not, at least she'll know she can talk to you if she needs.
    This sounds like a lovely non-confrontational way of reaching out to my SIL. I wish I could do this. Unfortunately we live interstate so a "just dropping in to see you" check in visit to her isn't possible.

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Newcastle, NSW
    Posts
    3,739
    Thanks
    1,473
    Thanked
    1,185
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    It's great that you are having the kids for a few days to let SIL focus on the twins. Instead of saying you know about their marital issues perhaps offer to help out around the house. Check in to see if she needs some washing done, cook meals, even hold the twins. If you form a better bond again, she may lean on you for advice even.

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    4,553
    Thanks
    9,164
    Thanked
    4,390
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Honestly? Stay out of it- it really is none of your business. (I don't mean for that to sound harsh!)

    Many relationships have rough trots, I can only imagine the stress of newborn twins! If she hasn't confided in you, and you aren't that close- physically or emotionally- then I would assume she doesn't want you to know.

    Shame on MIL for gossiping about their problems.

    It was lovely of you to mind their kids- that's more than enough right now whilst they work it out.

  10. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    1,900
    Thanks
    401
    Thanked
    769
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I wouldnt mention anything. But try to reconnect and support your sil while she is adjusting to life with twins


 

Similar Threads

  1. WWYD? Children of parents with mental health issues
    By Happy Camper in forum General depression and blues
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 27-05-2015, 20:04
  2. WWYD neighbours children and DV
    By MadeWithLove in forum Social Issues
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 13-05-2015, 18:10
  3. The Twilight Zone *Kinda a spin off from Yo! IPhart thread*
    By RaraMum in forum Movies / Music / Books / TV Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 01-05-2015, 05:30

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
sales & new stuffsee all
Hire For Baby Perth
New RETAIL store - Perth Hire For Baby Perth
Here at Hire for Baby, we offer a wide range of products from Child Restraints to Strollers, Stroller Accessories and Oricom Baby Monitors. Wholesale prices - till the stock ends. Buy from us and get the installation for FREE.
Like us on Facebook and get $10 OFF
featured supporter
Heinz Baby Basics
Our BPA Free range offers you a choice for every stage of your baby’s feeding development. You’ll love our brilliant colours, inspired designs and innovative features. Heinz Baby Basics caters for your baby’s needs!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!