I must thank you all for putting up with so much whinging while I let off steam. The only 2 people who know right now are husband and MIL who are both frustrating me.
As for moving back to the UK, my husband won't move there even if he could get visas sorted (a long and costly process.) So it would mean the end of us.
With parenting pay, I'm not legible. The requirements amongst other things are having been a permanent resident for 2 years and I've only been one since last month! Immigration here is super strict. It's not like I'm playing the system as we've been together for 8 years and he was born here!
Would my husband be able to apply for Parenting Pay instead of me (as he's a citizen) or would it have to be me as primary carer if he's at work? I've had a look at family tax payments and they're shockingly low, I presume they would decrease more if husband is able to keep working? (Income based.) As for the other pay I could get for 18 weeks if I carry on working - this seems the most substantial and only viable financial option for me although after that short time we'd be just scraping by.
Everything seems to have obstacles and right now I'm not even sure whether I want this. I still can't imagine aborting it but in terms of my own feelings regardless of that - I don't even know what I want anymore. A few months ago I would have thought I'd love to be pregnant but now reality has hit and I keep seeing babies everywhere I go and it makes me feel sick and want to cry because I don't think I can cope. I have a hard enough time just looking after myself. I don't see how this can get better, but I really hope it does because I want it to work.