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  1. #11
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    Sorry to hear that, hopefully by the time you get blood test results - if they do confirm pregnancy - he will have had some time to process it all and can more clearly see how you can make it work regardless of finances.

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    Lancashire Lass  (15-04-2016)

  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lancashire Lass View Post
    Well, it didn't go at all well, as expected because our financial situation is rubbish. Abortion was mentioned which absolutely is not an option for me. Still hanging on my GP confirming before we have any further discussion.
    I'm so sorry to hear that.. Maybe the news has just come as a shock, maybe he just needs to let it sink in and get used to the idea?

    It'll all work out.

    If you don't want an abortion, don't. You can raise the child by yourself.

  4. #13
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    I am so sorry Lass. It is a difficult position to be in. Wishing you all the best!

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    Lancashire Lass  (15-04-2016)

  6. #14
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    Major rant warning.

    Well I had my doctors appointment yesterday, I got a load of bloods taken (and a flu shot so I'm feeling extra rotten today!) Today I was text the results that my bloods are consistent with early pregnancy and that all the infections they tested for came back clear. In one way it's not a complete an utter shock since we had not been careful the last couple of months, and I'm feeling so stupid now that we hadn't been - I just never thought it would happen so easily, and to me with my history of cysts, how stupid right.

    I talked to hubby again last night to see whether he had changed his mind about wanting it or not, and he hadn't. He won't even listen to me when I tell him how it can work out. He told me that if we have the baby he will always “resent” it because he doesn't want it, and if it were him he would abort it. I can’t believe that he actually said these things to me, it’s one thing to think it and another to say that. He said that because it's my decision whether to abort or not, it's basically all down to me to plan out how we're miraculously going to have lots of money as it's basically my fault this is happening due to my “decision” not to kill it. He won't acknowledge that for me, killing it just isn't even an option because I'd never get over feeling guilty about it, and a baby is something we both want together in the near future when it’s a better financial time. He made a comparison to skin cells, that if he were to scrape one off him right now and put it on the table, it would die and that the embyro is in the same way - just a couple of cells and he doesn't understand how I could think of it as more. Without calling me stupid, he is exasperated at my belief, he is trying to 'correct' it. He thinks that taking an abortion pill is basically the same as the morning after pill which I have used before and so what’s the difference. He just won't have any of it! He's a smart guy, but very stubborn and at this time is really stressing me out.

    I've been giving him lots of extra hugs and kisses as he's been quiet and grumpy and moody but he hasn't instigated any back and I am so much in need of comforting right now as we share the exact same financial worries, plus on top of that I have the stress of an unsupportive partner, and the fact that it’s my body its all happening to.

    My worries right now are that I basically have no support network here in Aus, my family all live in England (including mum and sister.) Apart from my husband, over here I have a mum-in-law who loves the idea of me being pregnant so much that she can't understand why I'm so unhappy right now so I can't talk to her about my worries as she just rubbishes them (she took me to my GP appointment yesterday.)

    Financially, I have a part time casual job which is already too much for me, as I have depression, PTSD and body dysmorphia, I was going to give that job up in August or downgrade my hours but now I can’t afford to. We rent a tiny unit which is already too small for the two of us and our two cats and there just is no space for anything extra. Neither of us even drive as we’ve never been able to afford to buy a car. My husband has a temporary job until next January - he’s only been working for 2 months (he was a student before that, for the whole time I’ve known him) so we haven’t got any savings as until early this year I was supporting both of us on my part time wage.

    Career-wise, I had made plans to give work up in August so that I could study community work at TAFE and get an actual career - something I've been unable to afford to do until just now as my husband has only just started working. But now it looks like the first chance I’ve had to do this, I will have to give up to continue in this job I'm unhappy with, working the same hours I already couldn't handle when I wasn't pregnant, and give up the prospect of a career which I've wanted since school. I've worked hard all my life, for the past 10 years since I left school I've done minimum wage temp or casual jobs, and I just have nothing to show for it right now. I have brains and my admin job kills my brains and is so incredibly unsatisfying. We're finally in a position where I can study and now I can't.

    With that rant over, I know that our situation is far from ideal but that it could also be worse. I’m trying to tell myself that but with an unsupportive partner around, it’s hard to convince myself never mind him. I’m going back home to the UK next week for nearly 6 weeks so I’m hoping that time away will give him chance to miss me and perhaps even change my mind. Here’s hoping!
    Last edited by Lancashire Lass; 15-04-2016 at 18:31.

  7. #15
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    I'm so sorry that your situation is so stressful.. Hugs!!!!

    From the outside, looking in, I can tell you what I would do... But, you have to do what's right for you. Please do not have an abortion if you don't want it.

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    Lancashire Lass  (15-04-2016)

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by preggasaurus View Post
    I'm so sorry that your situation is so stressful.. Hugs!!!!

    From the outside, looking in, I can tell you what I would do... But, you have to do what's right for you. Please do not have an abortion if you don't want it.
    I agree with this....

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by preggasaurus View Post
    I'm so sorry that your situation is so stressful.. Hugs!!!!

    From the outside, looking in, I can tell you what I would do... But, you have to do what's right for you. Please do not have an abortion if you don't want it.
    I agree with this too.

    I will also add - having a baby does not mean that you cannot go back to study. Yes, you may not be able to go in August but you may be able to start August next year. There are a lot of studying mums - even on here that you can ask questions and get support from.

    Your MIL sounds like a great support. Yes, it may seem like she is being flippant but there are so many people that have babies in circumstances like yours. Yes it is hard - but it is possible.

    But I will re-iterate. Do not let anyone force you to terminate a pregnancy if this is not what you want. It needs to be YOUR decision.

    If your DH says he will resent his own child it is his issue that he will need to resolve on his own. It is not your fault and he cannot blame you.

    Good luck. And if you have questions or just need support we are here for you.

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  12. #18
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    Big hugs and good luck xx

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    Lancashire Lass  (16-04-2016)

  14. #19
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    If i was you I'd continue working to meet paid parental leave test where you'll get paid parental leave for 28 weeks. Study part time if you can or hold off till later. If your on a low wage or you both are then once you have the baby you can apply for extra payments like parenting payment partnered and if your husband is out of a job then he could apply for newstart. Then you'd be eligible for family tax benefit and rebt assistance on top. A baby would stay in your room basically for first year anyways so don't worry about extra space.

    Sorry to hear about what you've been through and your husbands reaction is. Give him time to get used to the idea. The first scan ia amazing when you see the baby so small.

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    AdornedWithCats  (16-04-2016),BabyG4  (16-04-2016),Lancashire Lass  (16-04-2016),Mamasupial  (16-04-2016),mrswhitehouse  (19-04-2016),Wise Enough  (19-04-2016)

  16. #20
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    Sorry to hear how awful your husband has been.

    Please don't get forced into having an abortion.

    Take some time while you are in the uk to think about what YOU want.

    Is staying in the UK with family support an option?

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    AdornedWithCats  (16-04-2016),Lancashire Lass  (16-04-2016)


 

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