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  1. #1
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    Default Coping with emotions of TTC

    Hi ladies, just wondering if people could share how you coped with your emotions while trying to conceive. I've suffered anxiety in the past and have only just started TTC and I'm finding it constantly on my mind and hard to adjust to the potential let downs we are likely to face. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

  2. #2
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    Hi @kylez83

    I suffer from anxiety too. For the first 6 months of TTC I was a bit of a basket case. It completely consumed me and, looking back, I really didn't cope well at all. Funnily enough, more than 2 years on and now going through IVF I'm not anywhere near as stressed about it, even though I don't know whether we're actually going to get to take home a baby ever or not!

    I know it's very difficult, but I think these are the things I would tell myself 2 years ago if I had a time machine:

    - Have realistic expectations.
    Many people take a year to conceive, it's natural to assume/hope that you'll be one of the ones that it happens for right away, but there's every chance it will take a while. It doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong.


    - Don't put your life on hold for TTC
    Don't put off that holiday because "I might be pregnant then and we couldn't do it" or put off buying clothes because "I might be pregnant soon and then it won't fit". Honestly, just don't.


    - Set a date that you will make further investigations if you haven't conceived.
    I think it helped that I knew if I hadn't conceived within a year we had agreed that we would go to the dr and get a referral to a Fertility Specialist, instead of just continuing to try and not do anything active to find out if there was an issue.


    - Get some other tests done in the meantime if if seems prudent.
    I knew I had irregular cycles and a few other issues like fatigue etc so I went and had my thyroid tested, a few blood tests that could be markers for PCOS, liver function tests etc etc. Plus an ultrasound to check for ovarian cysts. From those I found out I had Hashimotos, PCOS, not so great liver function tests and a genetic syndrome that means my body stores iron it shouldn't. I was then able to start taking medication and doing things to help myself where those issues were concerned. A few of them took several months to get somewhat under control and I was glad I'd discovered them before getting all the way to the one year mark and then finding out.


    - Get a hobby or project.
    Don't make TTC your only project. Find other things to get interested in so it doesn't take over your whole life. It's easy to become obsessed and have the ups and downs control your every waking mood. This isn't good for you or your relationship. We ended up embarking on a huge renovation on our backyard that we did all ourselves. It meant that I spent a lot of time researching backyard stuff, instead of obsessively researching TTC stuff.


    - Don't make DTD all about TTC.
    It can put a real strain on things when it all feels scheduled and one or both of you will start to feel under pressure - this also puts strain on your relationship.


    None of these things are easy to do unfortunately, but they are the things I wish I had thought about at the beginning!

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to HillDweller For This Useful Post:

    Coco87  (14-04-2016)

  4. #3
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    Thank you for the reply and information. It's funny how just having someone say "it will be ok"
    and "I've been there too" makes a difference. It's hard at times not to get consumed by the anxiety. I will take your tips on board. Thanks

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    HillDweller  (11-04-2016)

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    Default Me too

    Hi,
    I am new to this forum and was so glad to find it. I have also had severe anxiety ttc. We have only been trying for 3 months but I can't help but feel depressed as four of my girlfriends have recently conceived after just one cycle. Two of them weren't even trying. I'm happy for them but there is a part of me that feels really doubtful and worried - I think this is what's contributing the most to anxiety. There is nothing worse than thinking you 'feel' pregnant but then along comes your period . How long have you been ttc?. Have you also had symptoms like you were pregnant only to be let down with BFN?.

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    Hi @Coco87 I know you're probably asking the OP, but just to let you know, I have definitely had months where I've thought I had pregnancy symptoms and no pregnancy. The problem is, it's progesterone that causes the pregnancy symptoms and during the TWW you're producing progesterone whether you're pregnant or not. Also, while TTC you'll be paying attention to every little thing about your body - 'symptoms' that were likely happening before but you would have paid no attention to because you weren't 'looking for symptoms' if you know what I mean.

    I found it quite helpful to start recording what I felt in an app each month - that way, when the next TWW came along and I was "so sure" what I was feeling was different, I could go back to my notes and see that it wasn't different to the previous months after all!

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to HillDweller For This Useful Post:

    Coco87  (14-04-2016),kylez83  (14-04-2016)

  9. #6
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    Hi there! I too have only been TTC for four months and each month I convince myself , this is it! I definitely feel different this time! I even had a very faint bfp but then AF came the next day! I'm sending myself nuts but I've promised myself not to worry too much and just take my temp daily and only follow it that way.. It seems to be the Best sure fire way to make sure your body is working well. I am also booked In to see a pregnancy specialist just to make sure there's nothing going on and all is well as I was on the pill for 14 years so it's been a long time since my body has been naturally cycling...

  10. #7
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    Emotions while ttc are so difficult! It took us 4 years to conceive our dd, so I unfortunately know all the ups & downs with the emotions well.

    I used to find having a plan helped. We had the first year ttc but then I had a plan to go see an OB/GYN if we didn't get pregnant. It helped me to have a plan & someone to help us. It made me feel a little more closer to the end goal.

    Sometimes it got hard being around people that fell pregnant easily or complained about having children. For my own sanity I limited contact for a little while, however I found I would go through ups & downs with it all. It's ok if you need some space.

    I found it helpful to have someone other than my partner to talk to about it. For me I spoke to one of my close friends about it all. It really helped me to talk about it.

    As much as you can ignore everyone's well meaning advice! Many people meant well, however for us no matter how many holidays we went on a baby wasn't going to happen for us without medical help/intervention.

    Ttc can be one of the most difficult things, especially with all the emotions that come with it. Just know that you will go through both good & bad times. I found it most helpful to have a close friend I could talk to about it who would listen when I needed to talk. I also found it helpful to let your emotions out. Have a cry when you need too instead of keeping it all inside.

  11. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Rocky27 For This Useful Post:

    HillDweller  (13-04-2016),kylez83  (14-04-2016),Lizzy083  (14-04-2016)

  12. #8
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    Hi Coco87,

    Thanks for sharing your story with me. We are only very new at ttc, we are only on our first cycle so I feel a little silly being concerned and upset at this early stage as I'm still a week away from my period due date. But my feelings of anxiety are very real and I didn't want to be one of those anxious pregnant women or anxious ttc women as I didn't want that affecting my baby, my relationship and sex life.

    Even though its our first try and cycle the pressure I felt during that "week" was huge. I'm 33 and my partner is 39, I'm worried time isn't on our side and we have "missed out" so to speak. Its not that we waited years to try, we only just found each other in our lives 2 years ago and now feel we are with the right partners to create a family.

    I understand what you have said about others around you falling pregnant and it being upsetting. I have wanted a family for many years but due to not being with the right person I didn't do anything about it. My best friend fell pregnant the first month trying, my sister in law in the first 3 months. I know there are many people out there who it takes a long time and I can't imagine what they go through. I just hope I can get these emotions under control, I guess all we can do is be grateful for what we do have and that someday in the future, when the time is right, we will be blessed with a little one.

    Question, what does BFN mean? I take it that you haven't been doing pregnancy tests between the ovulation period and your period? My partner has suggested we don't as he is worried about how the highs and lows of that and how it may affect me. I'm more inclined to think just do the test and know! What do you think?

  13. #9
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    Great idea thank you HillDweller

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to kylez83 For This Useful Post:

    HillDweller  (14-04-2016)

  15. #10
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    Thanks Rocky27, appreciate the information and suggestions. I think you are a very strong woman to have gone through ttc for the time you have.

    Question, what does DD mean? Any other abbreviations I should know about?

    Thanks

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to kylez83 For This Useful Post:

    Rocky27  (14-04-2016)


 

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