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  1. #41
    Busy-Bee's Avatar
    Busy-Bee is offline Offending people since before Del :D
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    Absolutely not.

    Was it "meant to be" when the toddler was recently snatched in Melbourne and found dead in a creek? Was it "meant to be" when the 22 month old toddler in Perth that was hit by a car recently and killed?

    Children's cancer - was that "meant to be" or part of a big plan?

    I don't think it was "meant to be" that I conceived at 35 and 39 without incident and carried and birthed 2 healthy babies. To say "it was meant to be" would be, apart from being just incorrect, incredibly insensitive to all the 35+ year old women who are desperate to conceive. I was just frikkin lucky.

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  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Busy-Bee View Post
    Absolutely not.

    Was it "meant to be" when the toddler was recently snatched in Melbourne and found dead in a creek? Was it "meant to be" when the 22 month old toddler in Perth that was hit by a car recently and killed?

    Children's cancer - was that "meant to be" or part of a big plan?

    I don't think it was "meant to be" that I conceived at 35 and 39 without incident and carried and birthed 2 healthy babies. To say "it was meant to be" would be, apart from being just incorrect, incredibly insensitive to all the 35+ year old women who are desperate to conceive. I was just frikkin lucky.
    Agree with all of this

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  5. #43
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    Default Meant to be

    .
    Last edited by Angels4me; 11-04-2016 at 06:23.

  6. #44
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    I have done a lot of thought on this matter and have heavily read and studied a lot of religious philosophies as well as new age type theories and metaphysics etc. From my understanding I describe something being "meant to be" as another way of saying "It's God's will" or it is predestined. The problem with saying that is that we don't really know and cannot know. So it is a faith based saying, and if that is your choice to believe that for yourself, then that is your belief and you cannot know for sure if it is correct or not. If it brings comfort and makes sense of things that make no sense, then that is a positive thing.

    The problem is when someone's personal faith based beliefs are asserted as being 'the truth' when we cannot know the truth for sure. So saying to someone that the loss of their child was "meant to be" is incredibly cruel and hurtful, rather than saying, "I'm sorry, I have no idea why that horrible and tragic thing has happened to you, but I'm so sorry for your loss." That is the real truth.

    Maybe we do come in with a pre-destined plan to experience certain events in our lifetime, maybe it is all random circumstance, maybe we have some level of control over what happens to us. I do think that it is the height of egotism to state unequivocally that we KNOW for certain. I feel like that about all religions and all faith based statement though - and I would define myself as Agnostic. We can have faith and believe certain things that are true for ourselves, but that is where the limit is.

    I too have suffered greatly at the "meant to be" statements and "everything happens for a reason". I've lost in total five babies and am yet to be a mother, and many people have said to me "Maybe you're not meant to be a mother in this lifetime" and that has cut through my heart. Why wouldn't someone who wants to love and nurture a child with every single cell in their being be "not meant to be a mother" - if that is the truth then it is a very cruel and destructive universe we live in. @mummymaybe I am so sorry you had to experience those incredibly ignorant words from your colleague, that is absolutely horrendous and just compounds the grief. I really like the writings of Tim Lawrence on grief, he says it how it is and talks of how hurtful sayings are like the ones we are talking about. http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/

    I agree with @Frankenmum that when bad things happen, if we choose to learn from it, and grow and evolve, then that is a bonus for us and it can help the grief and healing to find that in all sorts of situations in life. It does't mean though that those circumstances were pre-destined to happen so that we have the opportunity to learn that lesson - that would be another very cruel way of growing in this world.

    Ultimately what everyone chooses to believe to get through is their own personal choice and being compassionate I believe, is so much more important than being right.
    Last edited by Summer; 10-04-2016 at 14:59.

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  8. #45
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    No i dont think an outcome is 'meant to be'. I don't believe in 'destiny '. Although people often say 'I guess it wasn't meant to be' as part of grieving or as a coping mechanism when the outcome is not as they hoped, which i can understand. Similarly, i notice people say it was 'fate' when they have a positive outcome.

  9. #46
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    Default Meant to be

    Nope! I read about loving couples desperate to fall pregnant on this site, or even worse those who lose their bubs 😢😢 and then listen to the revolting lady next door call her children f*** c**** and scream at them 😢😢
    Last edited by sarahd80; 10-04-2016 at 15:31.

  10. #47
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    . Edited. Too personal
    Last edited by Blossom74; 22-04-2016 at 15:54.

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  12. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tainted View Post
    Nope. I don't believe my daughter was 'meant to be' strangled to death in my womb the week before she was due. She was supposed to be here growing up with her doting big brother, soon to be a big sister herself.

    I find the idea quite offensive.
    My baby died at just 8 days old after catching a virus in the hospital after he was born. I also find it offensive that someone can say "it wasn't meant to be".

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  14. #49
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    Nope. Everything is random.

    I once saw a quote that said, "You're a ghost driving a meat covered skeleton made of stardust..." which made perfect sense to me.

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    I dont believe in meant to be.
    I believe that things happen that are completely out of our control but at the same time the choices we make have consequences as well.


 

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