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  1. #31
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    Default Feeling angry, frustrated, hurt and alone

    Read the book "why does he do that" by L Bancroft. I think your husband may be manipulating you and sounds very entitled. Good luck

    ETA - if you're walking on eggshells around his temper, he could be emotionally and or verbally abusive. Therapy for abusive men is often twisted by the man to justify his abusive behaviours. This is something my ex did well and I'm only just realising it now. So many of OP's comments resonated with me and my previous relationship.
    Last edited by Waggers70; 28-06-2016 at 07:00.

  2. #32
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    Default Feeling angry, frustrated, hurt and alone

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Is he really a good dad though? You said he plays with her and cares about her health and what she eats. Yet you say you do all her cooking. So he doesn't actually *do* anything, more has opinions. That's not being a parent. My DH with all 3 of our kids changed all their nappies and bathed them (I have 1 girl and 2 boys). He feeds them, washes their clothes. He helps them with their homework, he puts them to bed even when they were babies. And he works and provides. The only thing I have solely done is the night wakings and that's bc my DH has either worked in dangerous jobs or drives as a big part of his job so we can't have him tired all the time. And that is my decision.

    I hope I haven't offended you that wasn't my intention. But write a list of what a good father should do. Does he fulfill that list?
    I'm a solo parent by choice and my own dad does half of that for his grand kids. Can't believe the dad has never changed a nappy!!

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leksie5000 View Post
    Thanks for your reply. I have tried many times to encourage him to go to counselling or us but he won't. I can't get through at all, brick walls everywhere. It's like he doesn't think my feelings are real or they are exaggerated. I didn't post in awhile because things improved a bit. He is doing things like helping more around the house sometimes (still no nappies or waking up to her at night) and taking her shopping. The more time goes on the more I realise though that he's just super negative and hyper critical of me all the time then when I get sad or try and ask him to help me he says it's my fault. For eg tonight I'm exhausted because I worked from home this morning, went to specialist (turns out I have adenomyosis), took her doctor. Then came home and dealt with her hysterical and overtired while I cooked dinner, lunches, slow cooker, got washing organised etc. he won't put a stair gate because he thinks it spoils the look of the house so I am chasing her every two seconds so she doesn't fal down the stairs. I was literally multi tasking in the extreme, mashing potatoes with the lunch in the oven, dinner on the stove, washing dishes in between, trying to feed and clean up after her. And instead of saying dinner was nice he was really ugly about saying the kitchen was a mess and I should clean as I go. Er I was imagine if I hadn't done that. Also, I've had 5 hours broken sleep because she was up TWO hours screaming last night with molars. She isn't a good sleeper anyway and I haven't slept properly since she was born (13 months). I'm working full time now too. I wanted to gym yesterday for one hour and the first thought of his was "drop her at your mums. I've got nothing left to give. I'm doing my best and I can't do any more than that. I'm so depleted of energy as I've been having hugely heavy bleeds every two weeks. Trying to get it all done. I can't do any more than what I do, I feel like a single mum most days and he is sweet with her and me sometimes but so much is me giving and not getting help back. I feel like I may as we give up because nothing is ever good enough. I walk on egg shells waiting to see what his next mood is and am realising I am becoming fearful or anxious of whether he will be in a good mood or bad mood. I feel sad and broken and depleted and I just feel if he would go to Counselling it would make such a difference but time is sipping away. I Dojt think he really seea how I feel.
    I know it's been a week or so since you posted but I couldn't read and run without replying. He sounds like a lazy, selfish, self absorbed, shallow, control freak of an A/hole to me Luv I'm sorry to say

    I, too, believe there is some type of emotional/verbal abuse going on with all the criticising and the put downs etc that he subjecting you to when things aren't up to his impossible standards.

    I think you would benefit from some counselling if you could find the time to fit it into your already overloaded schedule!!! Can you get a cleaner in the meantime to help ease the load off your shoulders a bit on the home front?? It's obvious your useless, lazy, a/hole of a husband isn't going to help you, so you need to take charge yourself. Hire a cleaner!!!

    You, my dear, are not in a partnership with this man like you should be, like what marriage is supposed to be. He is not doing his 50% of the parenting like he should be nor is he doing his 50% of domestic duties either!!! He is not being a loving, caring and kind husband to you who treats you with dignity and respect either like he should be and like you deserve to be treated. Frankly, it's also not good role modelling for your daughter either on how a woman should be treated by a man.

    I think the time has come where you need to stand your ground. Either he goes to counselling with you to sort his behaviour out and learn how to support you in the way he should be or else you need to seriously think of leaving.


 

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