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  1. #11
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    Do you directly ask him to do things?

    My man doesn't think to offer to do baby chores sometimes and after I got cranky at him he said, well why didn't you ask for help? He's happy to help when I ask for it.

  2. #12
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    You poor thing, OP. What you're going through is isolating and challenging.

    I have a couple of suggestions. They involve being very direct but calm.

    The first is don't ask, just assert. 'I'm going to the gym tomorrow morning, so you'll need to watch DD from 8.30.' And honestly, just go. Make sure you have expressed or laid out clothes or whatever you need to do at first but go. You could even leave a note with feeding times etc if you need.

    It doesn't matter if your MIL does most of it (because he may be feeling anxious or overwhelmed) - as long as DD is looked after then it's fine.

    Secondly, if you need to go the toilet, if DD needs her nappy changed, physically give him his daughter and say what needs doing and go and do something else. A man isn't going to drop his own daughter when she is put in his arms. So, just give her to him. 'Here, her nappy needs changing, I'm just in the middle of xyz.' Just walk away.

    In both of these scenarios, only a jerk would create conflict or refuse you. In the second scenario he'd have to work really hard to refuse you. At least if he does this then you know for sure he IS a jerk, and you can make decisions from there.

    Good luck, it sucks I know.

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  4. #13
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    Are your ILs always around? If not, if just dump the kid for a day (despite the mummy guilt) and go have a day off.

    I ask if the ILs are always around coz if they're like mine, they don't let DH lift a finger.

    I feel for u, it's not easy and even harder when you have ILs who take over whenever the dad is asked to do stuff.

    Fwiw it only got better for me when we moved interstate, so that DH had to help out without MIL saying she'd do stuff for him.

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    Default Feeling angry, frustrated, hurt and alone

    I would go out for the day (no pre warning) and give him a list of stuff that needs done, if you walk in and it's not done or he's angry I'd leave again...
    I'm only taking this hard stance because it appears you've tried everything else and seems you need a break so why not...

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    I'm with you Op!

    Mine always says he is happy to help IF I ask. I'm like, "Do you ask me to do the feeds? No I just do it, because otherwise she'd starve." It's obvious stuff- baby is crying so check her nappy, food, burp THEN call me.

    However, he doesn't do it when I ask so I stopped asking. Sometimes I would just hand her to him and walk away and do what I needed to do (toilet, dinner, laundry, etc). Most of the time he would put her in her bassi and let her cry until I went to get her. Sometimes he would play with her.

    I've actually left, as of yesterday. I left a list of things I had been doing daily. I've turned off my phone and his two kids were with him. He had to work out what to do. He doesn't know where I am, I assume, or doesn't care.
    I have the baby with me btw.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    I'm with you Op!

    Mine always says he is happy to help IF I ask. I'm like, "Do you ask me to do the feeds? No I just do it, because otherwise she'd starve." It's obvious stuff- baby is crying so check her nappy, food, burp THEN call me.

    However, he doesn't do it when I ask so I stopped asking. Sometimes I would just hand her to him and walk away and do what I needed to do (toilet, dinner, laundry, etc). Most of the time he would put her in her bassi and let her cry until I went to get her. Sometimes he would play with her.

    I've actually left, as of yesterday. I left a list of things I had been doing daily. I've turned off my phone and his two kids were with him. He had to work out what to do. He doesn't know where I am, I assume, or doesn't care.
    I have the baby with me btw.
    I wish for a follow up later. Good on you

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  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by ciaomamma View Post
    I would go out for the day (no pre warning) and give him a list of stuff that needs done, if you walk in and it's not done or he's angry I'd leave again...
    I'm only taking this hard stance because it appears you've tried everything else and seems you need a break so why not...

    Yeah I definitely need one of those.. He's read her a story two nights so we've got some progrss but still not enough. And the temper. Id like him to go to the gym maybe 4 times a week so I can go 3 times (he goes 5 times sometimes 6). Every morning I lie there feeling resentful, she's big enough now that he could watch her an hour when she gets up she can have brekky before her breastfeed. Yet I'm still trapped!

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    Now he says that my pArents can't come to our new house we just built to look after our daughter (we live about 500m away) as he's worried they will get it dirty.. He's so OCD about the house. And refuses to enter into a discussion about it. It's obviously not best for her to be between different houses all the time and what he trusts them with his daughter T but not the house? Whenever I try and offer a different opinion he gets aggressive or gives
    Me the silent treatment.. I think I'm being emotionally abused :-( I'm
    Beyond heartbroken. I got so upset and so did my daughter as I was chugging.

  11. #19
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    Crying sorry

  12. #20
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    Sounds like my (soon to be ex) husband.
    Not that I'm saying to leave him but this story is sounding very familiar.
    I'm so much happier on my own.
    Yeah I do it all on my own but I was doing that when I was living with him.
    At least now now I don't need to deal with his temper and his tongue.
    Have you brought it up with him?
    Perhaps counseling is a good place to start?


 

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