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  1. #1
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    Default For those with 4 kids close together in age but has no external help...

    For those that have 3-4 kids, no outside help, no time to yourselves- do u have much time for friends or play dates? Wdyd?

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    Default For those with 4 kids close together in age but has no external help...

    I have a bit of outside help now in that my eldest goes to school (1st grade), and the middle two go to preschool 3 days a week/5 hours a day. I'm also married so have his help but he overwhelms easy.
    My kids are 6yo, 4yo (with special needs), 3yo and nearly 2yo. There's 4 years & 3 months between oldest and youngest.
    The preschool days, I don't really get "time to myself" as I manage the school canteen (with Mr2yo in tow) and so I am doing that all day.

    Edit: Hit post by accident.
    My 4yo has special needs and doesn't sleep well and my 3yo was diagnosed with insomnia so both are up quite late. I usually get "my time" between say midnight and 2am. Before my 3yo went on medication (melatonin) she was up til 3am every morning so we were both getting burned out pretty quick.
    We don't really have play dates as such, we do see the neighbour kids pretty frequently.
    Last edited by Ahalfdozen; 09-04-2016 at 17:37.

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    Thanks for your reply. Yeah i know this will sound awful but im just sick of other ppl. We both have large families, and alot of external close friends but i find as soon as you add another 2-3 + kids to the mix, i just find it awful..and too noisy.. I've taught our kids to sit at the table when they eat, to put their plates away, keep all toys in the playroom so you don't trip over things as our house hasn't got that much space, i find friends don't seem to care, i end up with half the toys strewn about, they feed their toddlers/baby just anywhere in the house with the little ones dropping soggy crackers etc all over the couch and new carpet.. I know I sound awful and petty but my kids never ate all over the couch, spat it back out and I ignored the stain. What am I supposed to say: "don't feed them on my couch/carpet/can you wipe that food up"? We worked hard to have nice things and I feel like a party pooper saying anything apart from "keep all toys in the playroom ".. But even so, I don't actually enjoy company of others anymore either as we are so busy generally that any catch ups with anyone I feel is losing me any chance of us time. There are always birthdays or something on and I know ppl were to be offended if we start to decline. Our large friendship group has this trend of the host doing dinner every time theres a catch up and between all the kids, running a family business, etc its just stifiling.
    Last edited by GlitterFarts; 09-04-2016 at 18:12.

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    It doesn't sound awful to expect people to respect your home.

    We have three and it's so hard, they are 5,4 and 19 m/o and finding time to do anything is tricky. We have no help except for kinder and school

    Perhaps you just need to politely decline some invites in the near future and have some time to yourself.

    Don't feel bad! I would feel overwhelmed with what you have described too.

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    Hmmm...sound like outside/backyard play dates might work better for you ( when you are hosting ). I think the issues you are having stem from people having different "rules of living"...what is an expectation in your house is not in theirs, so they likely don't really realize they are disrespecting your house rules. I suspect you will either have to spell it out, suck it up or change the way you are hosting... honestly, if it was bothering me so much I would just give it a miss for a bit...
    For me, my expectation is that if I invite a tribe of kids and adults over my house will be trashed. I tend to let the kids go while I enjoy adult company, and deal with the fallout in the morning (presuming evening event), but I don't mind a bit of chaos. If you are not enjoying it, change it.

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  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaybaby View Post
    Hmmm...sound like outside/backyard play dates might work better for you ( when you are hosting ). I think the issues you are having stem from people having different "rules of living"...what is an expectation in your house is not in theirs, so they likely don't really realize they are disrespecting your house rules. I suspect you will either have to spell it out, suck it up or change the way you are hosting... honestly, if it was bothering me so much I would just give it a miss for a bit...
    For me, my expectation is that if I invite a tribe of kids and adults over my house will be trashed. I tend to let the kids go while I enjoy adult company, and deal with the fallout in the morning (presuming evening event), but I don't mind a bit of chaos. If you are not enjoying it, change it.

    Hmm yeah our backyard is non existent nor is there anywhere to really sit anybody. I think my problem is that everyone just sits for hours on end whereas after 2-3 hrs im cooked mentally. Ive had visitors come at 5pm and sit til 11pm. Ive even had some stay til later than that, family included.. I gotta admit, I really hate mess. Especially by other kids trashing the place. The way i was brought up was awful and i was constantly belted with objects if mums house was trashed when she had guests with kids.. We took the full brunt of it, so having a tidy house is embedded in me. My dd has so many things in her room but everything has its place and everytime kids play in there, her stuff gets moved around or lost (or lost eg:tiny shopkins) and she bawls her eyes out. Honestly when we visit friends I don't let them drag other people's toys all over their house and tell them to help pack them up before we leave.., I don't ever let them sit and eat on their couches and make a mess or leave a stain in the process- they sit at a table. I take them to their chosen sports, gymnastics, swimming, physio that i need for ds1, speech therapy, occupational therapy, help with homework, speech homework, cook, clean, and everything else. Dh works 7 days a week most weeks so its all on me. The last thing i enjoy is having my house trashed when im supposed to be enjoying the company but I don't even do that as my mind is just exhausted. I have insomnia so don't sleep well despite being tired and as its a large friendship group, it's exhausting doing catch ups as there is always someone's birthday or something.saying no to catch ups - well as we all have multiple children each we are all godparents to one kid or another so its hard to say no as they then say "how about a week/two/theee later"..
    Last edited by GlitterFarts; 09-04-2016 at 22:49.

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    I have 3 kids. I accept almost all play dates as we are new to Canberra. In fact next week we are having 4 nights of friends over for dinner.

    I like socialising so will happily accept the mess that goes with it.

  9. #8
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    Lol i used to like socialising until i just got busier and busier until i had not even a few hrs to myself. our kids are pretty full on especially my 3rd.

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    Default For those with 4 kids close together in age but has no external help...

    I have 4 kids and agree with kaybaby.

    Mine are very good kids and are respectful but they view toys as to be played with. What can the friends' kids do if they can't bring toys out and play with them? I'd be stressed if I knew how stressful my kids playing with stuff was making you.

    Losing shopkins? I thought that was how they made their money? Their tiny, they get lost, kid gets upset parents buy more.

    If your daughter is that stressed one thing I've done is ask my kids to put special toys away and leave out what friends can play with. But honestly nothing in our place is off limits anymore. With 4 kids aged 2, 5, 7 and 10 stuff gets moved around / misplaced fairly frequently.

    I love have visitors and love it for my kids but it sounds to me like you need to take a break for it for a while. We all go through phases where it's just too much. Nothing wrong with pulling back.
    Last edited by Sonja; 09-04-2016 at 23:13.

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  12. #10
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    Well I haven't got a problem with the kids playing with stuff but play in the big playroom- I don't see the need to strew it all over the house., stepping on lego bare feet hurts like hell. Least if its all played with in one room im prepared for the mess there. Ive had matchbox cars, lego etc kicked under cabinets in the lounge where there's not a hope in hell getting it anytime soon, the cabinet weighs a ton. And the shopkins was an example- im not made of money to keep replacing things lost.


 

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