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  1. #1
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    Default My boyfriend cheated, I'm pregnant and have an STI

    I'm currently 11+3 pregnant with baby no 2, unplanned. I am suffering from severe morning sickness, to the tune of not being able to feed myself and being seriously dehydrated, cant look after DS, taking Ondasetron to limit the vomiting. And today I found out I have syphillis.
    I was clean during 1st trimester screening for DS and I'm pretty sure I've been tested since then but I've switched doctors so they don't have my full history, either way I have it now.
    I didn't believe the doctor I yelled at him and told him it was an error and then left and called my boyfriend (been together 9 years) who immediately confessed to cheating on me with other guys, on and off for the duration of our relationship, including a suss encounter within the last year. I was... unhappy. I have never cheated in any way. He immediately booked in to get tested and had treatment today.
    He has told me he will give me as much time as I need to deal with this and will leave if I want, for a few days or forever. He says he is so sorry and has cried most of the afternoon. He looks like he has been told he's dying, especially when the doctor told him our baby could be stillborn or be damaged because of this. He is devastated that it could damage our baby (he wants it) and is aghast that I have to have needles to fix this (I have a phobia) and has made no excuses apart from telling me that it has mostly happened when he has been off his antidepressant medication and he knows he messed up bad. He's not trying to blame anyone but himself and is actively trying to fix things with me. We generally have a good relationship and get along well, this is a big shock to me.
    I've only just started seeing the positives in my pregnancy (being ill makes me want to die so I've not been very enthusiastic) and now I don't know what to feel or do. My bestie thinks I'm 'scary calm' and honestly I just feel numb now, but I've been feeling in a bubble for weeks and I know I'm not thinking straight. He says he is going to make it up to me no matter what (don't know if he can but he says hes going to try) and I believe he is sincere in his remorse. I need him to care for me and DS and I can see he's trying but I just don't know what to do. a big part of me wants to forget this ever happened. I don't believe he will cheat again, of course I could be wrong. What's your advice?

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    I couldn't read and run - but totally not sure what advice to give. Your situation sounds truly awful and I am so sorry to hear you're going through this.

    I think first and foremost you need to access medical services that can help you and give you the most accurate and informed advice on managing your pregnancy. There must be ways they manage cases such as yours, you shouldn't be left alone. You really need to visit the doctor again (maybe take a trusted friend for moral support) and ask for a referral to a hospital in your area that caters for high risk pregnancies. I am not completely certain but the hospital would be more useful in helping you access the services you need.

    As for your boyfriend I am not sure what to say. I don't think he deserves to be given the time of day TBH but understand you rely on him somewhat. Is there no one else you can turn to? Friends, family etc? I would be doing all you can to get additional support now, you're going to need it now and in the future. Don't fall for his remorse. He is entirely responsible for putting you in this situation (with regard to std).

    It's possible you also need to be hospitalised for hyperimesis (?spelling?). Once again a doctor referral would be needed.

    Failing all that get yourself to the ER.

    Hugs xx

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    Default My boyfriend cheated, I'm pregnant and have an STI

    basically ditto everything sunny said. I'm truly sorry you find yourself in what can only be described as a truly sh.t situation. as sunny has said, I think the immediate priority is your health and that of your unborn baby. get whatever help and support you need to get both of you well again, or at least get the illness under control/manageable. I've no experience or knowledge about syphilis so can't give any good advice, but that would be my first port of call. a good medical team that can support you and help you in resolving your health issues. bub and you are number one priority here.

    as for him, well, aside from stating the obvious and saying he's a selfish piece of sh.t, I'd be questioning seriously if he wants to/can continue in a heterosexual relationship. like exclusively and to the point of being present as a good life partner/father. is he gay? bi?

    personally speaking, such a transgression would be a deal breaker for me, but as previously pointed out, I also understand you rely on this guy. I think given the seriousness of the situation however, you're going to need to reach out to trusted family/friends for support. take someone you're close to along to the medical appointments.

    longer term, it's only a call you can make as to whether you continue with this guy. I think personally he's not worth the time of day, given he's obviously so ok with not only cheating but compromising your sexual health and that of your unborn baby over a sustained period of tile. let's be honest, this wasn't a one off slip up, he's admitted to cheating over a number of years.

    whatever you decide, I do wish you all the best and I'm truly sorry this has happened to you. I hope you and bub are able to recover from this xx

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    I couldn't read and run..
    I'm really sorry that all this happening, all at once. I feel like I can only offer hugs, sorry.

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    Default My boyfriend cheated, I'm pregnant and have an STI

    So sorry you are going through this xx

    As for what you should do - only you can answer that.

    My word of advice - until your DP gets the the root cause if why he cheated (especially with men) you are absolutely at risk of it happening again. I don't buy the he was off his meds argument. There still has to be an underlying reason - you werent getting along, he likes you but doesn't love you, he's bored in a long term relationship .... Or he's homosexual and just looking to test the waters and build his confidence before coming out to the world (in which case no amount of remorse or promises will help).

    I know it must be incredibly scary to be pregnant and facing this. Please to not have blinkers on with regards to why your DP did this and please do not automatically jump back together because you are afraid of doing it all alone. That will absolutely lead to heartbreak down the track.

    Best of luck xx

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

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