I am a go with the flow person, especially when it comes to babies and toddlers (it's more difficult to be like this when they're at school). I believe this is what got me through the early parenting years.
Conversely, some of my friends who had a hard time with their babies are organised, strong willed women who like everything by the book.
2) My expectations. Well I had no experience of babies. I though that they ate, slept and cried a bit. Just as a couple of examples of my extreme naivety, I remember having a conversation with an older co-worker, who asked me if I was planning on breastfeeding, to which I replied yeah if it works, otherwise formula will be fine. She warned me formula is expensive. I told her that that's ok, it's just til baby is 4 months old then it will be eating food. I remember the look she gave me. And she changed the subject. LOL.
Same co-worker, asking about prams. I said that it doesn't really matter what I bought as you only use prams until the baby is 1yo, because then they walk everywhere anyway.
hahahaha oh the naivety, I cringe when I think about it!
3)Child needs- my first baby was so so so difficult, but this is where my non-experience of babies came in handy, as I didn't know it wasn't normal. It was only when I had my 2nd that I realised my first bub was not quite right.
4)I had a lazy now XH, so no help there. Sometimes MIL would come and swing the screaming baby around for half an hour or so.
So really, I lucked out on 3 things. Go with the flow saved me!
This is what destroyed me when DS2 came along. DS2 did not/does not sleep well. He is on the move CONSTANTLY. He will not be distracted from what he is focussed on - he will go to sleep talking about something and literally continue the conversation when he opens his eyes - even at 2am. He does not transition well. Changing between activities 9/10 turns into a meltdown. I have not had more than 2-3 hours away from him in 3.5 years.
DH was home for a combined 3 months in year 1, combined 6 weeks in year 2. We moved interstate when DS2 was 2.5 and he has been home and it has definitely made life easier for me.
Lack of family support is a big issue. With DS1 my mum was physically able to assist and did so regularly. My sister was also very hands on with DS1. I now have no support except DH with DS2.
A PP mentioned physical recovery from birth. I think this is also a big factor. I had a natural birth with DS1 (4 hours labour!). DS2 I had spd, PROM at 36 weeks, failed induction and then emergency csection. I was exhausted before I left the hospital.
I've started her in childcare one day a week it's taken a long time to not feel like a lazy mum but ya know what I am also a defence wife who moved when my baby was 4 weeks old to a place in the middle of no where with nothing. I have 13 months between my girls and going from 1-2 children was a breeze!
I am a hippy who grows her own veggies, uses cloth everything, chemical free everything, extended breastfeeder even fed both my girls together for 9 months yet I LOVE tizzie hall and routine and HATE co sleeping and baby wearing!
We are all so different just gotta do whatever it takes to get through and try and laugh otherwise you'll cry.
My bff is TTC and asked what book my kids are on. I quipped that even tho my kids are super smart none of them could read at birth. She looked so puzzled and asked how did I know what time to feed bub or put them to sleep. She did not appreciate it when I laughed and said that I'm working that out.
She is a doctor so not unintelligent at all. Just a control freak.
Rose: a couple of questions for you:
- when do you fit big clean items in (vacuum/mop/items you don't get to through the week)
- are you worried about leaving the slow cooker on overnight at all? I am however my slow cooker is very old (probably should get a new one).
Vacuum whole house usually Fri night when kids have movie night 6-7.30pm. Dd3 is asleep and I can clean if Dh isn't around. Otherwise he does cleaning on Saturday mornings when I go to the gym.
As he plays footy sat arvo he spends all sat morning cleaning/jobs.
Nope. Not worried about slow cooker.
I think it's all well and good to say go with the flow but if there's things you wanted/needed to get done, and can't because you're going with the flow and current flow negates that, then there's going to be internal conflict for parent. nobody can be totally GWTF. for instance, you have to bake a cake for an occasion the following day but baby has other ideas and you find you're lucky to get 5 seconds to yourself to shower/pee/eat, never mind bake a cake. so you feel stressed and frustrated and maybe a bit resentful.
RAH, how does the above scenario play out in your home? how GWTF can you truly be when baby's needs are precluding you from attending to other responsibilities?
like I find it hard to understand how anyone can just put EVERYTHING else on hold and attend to bub 24/7.
I think that's where the frustration comes from. not ignorance, it's just hard to balance it all. doubly so if you have a fussy/high needs baby.
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