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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    In your schedule you only mention 1 nap for your DD3. When are her other naps?
    Walk in pram to school in the morning. And if she doesn't nap at midday or doesn't sleep properly she naps in the pram in the afternoon.

    I only care about the midday sleep.

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post

    As a PP said its a matter of a few variables

    IE
    1) parent temperament so GWTF vs rigid/structured
    2)expectations of parenting (huggies commercial vs real life)
    3)child behaviour/needs (high needs/health issues)
    4)support network/partner avail (partners who work away, helpful parents)
    .
    1) IME, parent temperament is the main one.
    I am a go with the flow person, especially when it comes to babies and toddlers (it's more difficult to be like this when they're at school). I believe this is what got me through the early parenting years.
    Conversely, some of my friends who had a hard time with their babies are organised, strong willed women who like everything by the book.

    2) My expectations. Well I had no experience of babies. I though that they ate, slept and cried a bit. Just as a couple of examples of my extreme naivety, I remember having a conversation with an older co-worker, who asked me if I was planning on breastfeeding, to which I replied yeah if it works, otherwise formula will be fine. She warned me formula is expensive. I told her that that's ok, it's just til baby is 4 months old then it will be eating food. I remember the look she gave me. And she changed the subject. LOL.
    Same co-worker, asking about prams. I said that it doesn't really matter what I bought as you only use prams until the baby is 1yo, because then they walk everywhere anyway.
    hahahaha oh the naivety, I cringe when I think about it!
    3)Child needs- my first baby was so so so difficult, but this is where my non-experience of babies came in handy, as I didn't know it wasn't normal. It was only when I had my 2nd that I realised my first bub was not quite right.
    4)I had a lazy now XH, so no help there. Sometimes MIL would come and swing the screaming baby around for half an hour or so.

    So really, I lucked out on 3 things. Go with the flow saved me!

  4. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    Does anyone feel that parenting was made worse for them because of they expected roses and got thorns instead? Or that their own personalities made parenting harder? As in a need to regain control ?

    I'm trying to phrase this as best I can without offending anyone.

    Do the parents who struggled with parenting feel that part of their parenting struggle is due to their own ignorance of normal baby behaviour and a need to conform to an idyllic snapshot of motherhood?

    As a PP said its a matter of a few variables

    IE
    1) parent temperament so GWTF vs rigid/structured
    2)expectations of parenting (huggies commercial vs real life)
    3)child behaviour/needs (high needs/health issues)
    4)support network/partner avail (partners who work away, helpful parents)
    My experience wasn't worse because of naivety. My experience first time WAS a huggies ad - no kidding. DS1 was and is an angel. Slept and ate well. Played independently. Was flexible and easy going - this was clearly a feature of his personality as he is exactly the same at 21. It had NOTHING to do with my parenting.

    This is what destroyed me when DS2 came along. DS2 did not/does not sleep well. He is on the move CONSTANTLY. He will not be distracted from what he is focussed on - he will go to sleep talking about something and literally continue the conversation when he opens his eyes - even at 2am. He does not transition well. Changing between activities 9/10 turns into a meltdown. I have not had more than 2-3 hours away from him in 3.5 years.

    DH was home for a combined 3 months in year 1, combined 6 weeks in year 2. We moved interstate when DS2 was 2.5 and he has been home and it has definitely made life easier for me.

    Lack of family support is a big issue. With DS1 my mum was physically able to assist and did so regularly. My sister was also very hands on with DS1. I now have no support except DH with DS2.

    A PP mentioned physical recovery from birth. I think this is also a big factor. I had a natural birth with DS1 (4 hours labour!). DS2 I had spd, PROM at 36 weeks, failed induction and then emergency csection. I was exhausted before I left the hospital.

  5. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    Gosh I think it must be really hard in some ways to have an easier child first and then a more challenging one second, you wouldn't know what's hit you.

    My ds is def "spirited" and between 1 and 2+ he could get out of every restraint, work out every baby proof device, he would climb everything constantly, needed and still does lots of things during the day to keep him mentally stimulated as well as piles of physical activity. I can't imagine handling a newborn with him younger than he is now, so I take my hat off to you ladies with small age gaps!

    I guess it really does depend on your children as to how hard the jump from 1-2 is.
    I think the same.. My first was bloody hard work if I hadn't fallen pregnant (unplanned) when she was 4 months old I don't think we would have gone back. Even now as a toddler she is full on!

    I've started her in childcare one day a week it's taken a long time to not feel like a lazy mum but ya know what I am also a defence wife who moved when my baby was 4 weeks old to a place in the middle of no where with nothing. I have 13 months between my girls and going from 1-2 children was a breeze!
    I am a hippy who grows her own veggies, uses cloth everything, chemical free everything, extended breastfeeder even fed both my girls together for 9 months yet I LOVE tizzie hall and routine and HATE co sleeping and baby wearing!
    We are all so different just gotta do whatever it takes to get through and try and laugh otherwise you'll cry.

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  7. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    1) IME, parent temperament is the main one.
    I am a go with the flow person, especially when it comes to babies and toddlers (it's more difficult to be like this when they're at school). I believe this is what got me through the early parenting years.
    Conversely, some of my friends who had a hard time with their babies are organised, strong willed women who like everything by the book!
    I have found that to be so so true.
    My bff is TTC and asked what book my kids are on. I quipped that even tho my kids are super smart none of them could read at birth. She looked so puzzled and asked how did I know what time to feed bub or put them to sleep. She did not appreciate it when I laughed and said that I'm working that out.

    She is a doctor so not unintelligent at all. Just a control freak.

  8. #66
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    Rose: a couple of questions for you:
    - when do you fit big clean items in (vacuum/mop/items you don't get to through the week)
    - are you worried about leaving the slow cooker on overnight at all? I am however my slow cooker is very old (probably should get a new one).

  9. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Rose: a couple of questions for you:
    - when do you fit big clean items in (vacuum/mop/items you don't get to through the week)
    - are you worried about leaving the slow cooker on overnight at all? I am however my slow cooker is very old (probably should get a new one).
    Sweep/Mop main playroom and Kids bathroom every night.
    Vacuum whole house usually Fri night when kids have movie night 6-7.30pm. Dd3 is asleep and I can clean if Dh isn't around. Otherwise he does cleaning on Saturday mornings when I go to the gym.
    As he plays footy sat arvo he spends all sat morning cleaning/jobs.

    Nope. Not worried about slow cooker.

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  11. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Rose: a couple of questions for you:
    - when do you fit big clean items in (vacuum/mop/items you don't get to through the week)
    - are you worried about leaving the slow cooker on overnight at all? I am however my slow cooker is very old (probably should get a new one).
    When my kids were babies, and we didn't have a house cleaner I did one job a day - so one day bathroom, one day kitchen, one day dusting. Sheet changing happened on a set day of the week, and floors were done every night (vacuumed and mopped main areas when kids were asleep). The whole house got done once a week, usually I'd run around and do the bedrooms on a weekend evening...DH would read books to the kids in the loungeroom, I'd vacuum, then mop when they were asleep.

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    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (09-04-2016)

  13. #69
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    I think it's all well and good to say go with the flow but if there's things you wanted/needed to get done, and can't because you're going with the flow and current flow negates that, then there's going to be internal conflict for parent. nobody can be totally GWTF. for instance, you have to bake a cake for an occasion the following day but baby has other ideas and you find you're lucky to get 5 seconds to yourself to shower/pee/eat, never mind bake a cake. so you feel stressed and frustrated and maybe a bit resentful.

    RAH, how does the above scenario play out in your home? how GWTF can you truly be when baby's needs are precluding you from attending to other responsibilities?

    like I find it hard to understand how anyone can just put EVERYTHING else on hold and attend to bub 24/7.

    I think that's where the frustration comes from. not ignorance, it's just hard to balance it all. doubly so if you have a fussy/high needs baby.

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  15. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I think it's all well and good to say go with the flow but if there's things you wanted/needed to get done, and can't because you're going with the flow and current flow negates that, then there's going to be internal conflict for parent. nobody can be totally GWTF. for instance, you have to bake a cake for an occasion the following day but baby has other ideas and you find you're lucky to get 5 seconds to yourself to shower/pee/eat, never mind bake a cake. so you feel stressed and frustrated and maybe a bit resentful.

    RAH, how does the above scenario play out in your home? how GWTF can you truly be when baby's needs are precluding you from attending to other responsibilities?

    like I find it hard to understand how anyone can just put EVERYTHING else on hold and attend to bub 24/7.

    I think that's where the frustration comes from. not ignorance, it's just hard to balance it all. doubly so if you have a fussy/high needs baby.
    In this scenario I'd buy a cake. I love to bake but sometimes it just isn't possible and I see no point beating myself up about it.

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